I'm sad :(
I didn't get the job, unsuprisingly, I was completely crap at the interview, even I wouldn't have given myself the job! Nerves got the better of me. I did everything I could, I read up on everything, practised my interview answers, I was completely prepared. But despite me feeling I did crap at interview, the Sister who phoned to say I was unsucessful, said it had gone to someone with more experience. Yet again. I feel completely let down by the RCN, NMC, Uni, and of course myself. I was led to believe I'd walk into a job after qualifying, but the way the government is now, it's not what you know, it's who you know, and it's not how good you are, it's how clever you play the game.
All I can say is - after 10 months being qualified, applying for pretty much every job going, both here and world wide (seriously), preparing for my interviews weeks in advance, doing good (mainly) at interviews but losing out to qualified or bank staff, recieving excellent feed back, or if not excellent feedback, constructive criticism, reading up on areas I need to, keeping up to date with current affairs and doing as much charity work as I can - I AM DONE. It's over. End of. I can't put myself through this anymore. Yes, I want to be a nurse more than anything in the world but I have to face it, I'm clearly not good enough. I've been sad for the last few days from the interview. But I've decided, I'm done. I'm just...done. I can't do it anymore. I thought it would be a relief to finally admit defeat in nursing, but it's not, I just feel sad. Good Luck to all student nurses for your future x
Saturday 22 October 2011
Friday 14 October 2011
Little (but long) Update
I realised that I have not made a blog post for a while, after it was pointed out...(thanks Suzie!) :)
Anyway I guess it was time, it's been a while! Prepare for a HUGE blog. Seriously, make yourself a cup of tea and get some chocolate hobnobs ready to dunk.
So what has been up? I've had a couple of interviews, of which I've asked, prior to interview, to have a look round the ward, just to get a feel for things. I have to say, I recommend this SO much to all NQ there. You can gather so much valuable info there as well as working out what the best things are to read up for to help with interview.
For example, time before last I asked to look round, I got there at the appointed time I arranged...and they didn't know who I was or what I was doing there (Note: You're so un-important you clearly have no chance at the job, as in, they have someone internal for the job...) the time before, all the nurses chatted about when 'person a' got the job, how would they fit 'person a' shifts in with the off duty, when 'person a' was on her holidays who would do what...basically the job had been filled way before us monkeys turned up for interview. But to be fair, I think it learns you more as an applicant, when they can't be arsed to even pretend you're important do you really want to work there? The answer would be no, unless you were like me, and 9 months into qualifying so you're so desperate for a nurse job you just smile and nod. You basically go for the job and try to jump hoops at the interview, knowing full well you haven't got a chance. And are so polite to the people who ring you to say you didn't get it (how you'd love to tell them where to go and exactly what you thought of their ward...yet you refrain in case you get an interview in 6 months time.) It's all so fixed.
I have an interview next week and I went for a look around last week, to be honest, it felt different. I don't know if that is a real positive, or just a positive I'm desperately searching for. I went and they were expecting me. I met one of the sisters and she took the time out to show me round. I met the other sister and she recognised me, at the time I thought it was because she'd seen me round the hospital, but later realised that she was in the interview panel who didn't give me a job in A&E (...so, not good!) but I looked around, recognised a few faces from nurses to physios I had worked with (am sure they recognised me as 'the fat one' haha - better to be known as something than not to be known at all!), but, because I went for a look around, I feel like it's not as scary.
The ward itself is amazing, the sister said they see 1200 patients a week. Busy, but I would love that so much. I went to visit and I just wanted so much to get stuck in. I left feeling that I wanted to stay. I don't know if that's the ward, or maybe it's just having been so long out of nursing that I'm craving it so much. I feel so shit, being unemployed as a nurse and wanting it so much. I mean if a ward give me a job on the provision that I would be night nurse for a year, I'd take it. I miss working with the patients, helping them, doing all I can, I want to nurse so much.
If I'm completely 100% honest with myself, if I don't get this job, I really think that is it. I assumed, due to the idealistic views of University that you would just walk into a job. That is SO not the case. That may be just due to that case that I've chosen to do children's nursing and not adults or mental health, as I've heard that there are so many jobs available there. I don't know if it's due to politics of the country, but university shouldn't get student nurses hopes up, I can honestly say my experience of university in terms of nursing has been so poor, very unstructured and really unsupportive. I know tutors (and not all, I realise) are busy but sometimes the odd bit of help once we're qualified would go a long way - it's all good enough when we're in Uni and learning, but once we're all qualified, we're quickly forgotten. As you may know I went to Uni previously to get a degree in Psychology, and I can honestly say, hand on heart, that the tutors there were ten times the ones in 'nurse school'. It is such a shame.
Anyway I guess it was time, it's been a while! Prepare for a HUGE blog. Seriously, make yourself a cup of tea and get some chocolate hobnobs ready to dunk.
So what has been up? I've had a couple of interviews, of which I've asked, prior to interview, to have a look round the ward, just to get a feel for things. I have to say, I recommend this SO much to all NQ there. You can gather so much valuable info there as well as working out what the best things are to read up for to help with interview.
For example, time before last I asked to look round, I got there at the appointed time I arranged...and they didn't know who I was or what I was doing there (Note: You're so un-important you clearly have no chance at the job, as in, they have someone internal for the job...) the time before, all the nurses chatted about when 'person a' got the job, how would they fit 'person a' shifts in with the off duty, when 'person a' was on her holidays who would do what...basically the job had been filled way before us monkeys turned up for interview. But to be fair, I think it learns you more as an applicant, when they can't be arsed to even pretend you're important do you really want to work there? The answer would be no, unless you were like me, and 9 months into qualifying so you're so desperate for a nurse job you just smile and nod. You basically go for the job and try to jump hoops at the interview, knowing full well you haven't got a chance. And are so polite to the people who ring you to say you didn't get it (how you'd love to tell them where to go and exactly what you thought of their ward...yet you refrain in case you get an interview in 6 months time.) It's all so fixed.
I have an interview next week and I went for a look around last week, to be honest, it felt different. I don't know if that is a real positive, or just a positive I'm desperately searching for. I went and they were expecting me. I met one of the sisters and she took the time out to show me round. I met the other sister and she recognised me, at the time I thought it was because she'd seen me round the hospital, but later realised that she was in the interview panel who didn't give me a job in A&E (...so, not good!) but I looked around, recognised a few faces from nurses to physios I had worked with (am sure they recognised me as 'the fat one' haha - better to be known as something than not to be known at all!), but, because I went for a look around, I feel like it's not as scary.
The ward itself is amazing, the sister said they see 1200 patients a week. Busy, but I would love that so much. I went to visit and I just wanted so much to get stuck in. I left feeling that I wanted to stay. I don't know if that's the ward, or maybe it's just having been so long out of nursing that I'm craving it so much. I feel so shit, being unemployed as a nurse and wanting it so much. I mean if a ward give me a job on the provision that I would be night nurse for a year, I'd take it. I miss working with the patients, helping them, doing all I can, I want to nurse so much.
If I'm completely 100% honest with myself, if I don't get this job, I really think that is it. I assumed, due to the idealistic views of University that you would just walk into a job. That is SO not the case. That may be just due to that case that I've chosen to do children's nursing and not adults or mental health, as I've heard that there are so many jobs available there. I don't know if it's due to politics of the country, but university shouldn't get student nurses hopes up, I can honestly say my experience of university in terms of nursing has been so poor, very unstructured and really unsupportive. I know tutors (and not all, I realise) are busy but sometimes the odd bit of help once we're qualified would go a long way - it's all good enough when we're in Uni and learning, but once we're all qualified, we're quickly forgotten. As you may know I went to Uni previously to get a degree in Psychology, and I can honestly say, hand on heart, that the tutors there were ten times the ones in 'nurse school'. It is such a shame.
Wednesday 31 August 2011
Jobs, jobs, jobs
I'm actually pleasantly surprised, there have been no less then 3 paediatric nurse jobs advertised in this last week. :)
Of course I've applied for all of them, keeping fingers and toes crossed!
Of course I've applied for all of them, keeping fingers and toes crossed!
Thursday 25 August 2011
Taking A Step Back?
I've just re-read my last blog and though I didn't seem confident that I'd get the job, it appears that I was expecting an interview, which I didn't realise at the time of writing, but I kinda was expecting to get interviewed...yet I don't even get that. I have no idea what I've done wrong to not even get an interview at least:
1. Have experience of being on the ward. Check.
2. Advert asking for NQ nurses. Check.
3. More than one job available. Check.
4. Made a good impression (according to the ward sister, charge nurse and other staff.) Check.
5. Have a good knowledge of the ward and procedures. Check.
6. Made sure my 'Supporting Information' bit fitted all job description criteria. Check.
7. Got it in in plenty of time AND recieved confirmation email to say they'd got it. Check.
I literally cannot think of anymore that I could have done to improve my chances of at least an interview. I'm annoyed, upset, frustrated, but above all, losing hope and confidence. I really thought that I'd have got a job by now. I mean, I knew it'd be hard, but I didn't think it would be this soul destroying.
Oh well. Least I'm still trying (just about...). There were 2 paeds nursing job advertised on the NHS site today, of which I've applied. It's like buses, none for weeks then two on the same day. One is on the ward I did my management on, but I know there is a nurse who works full time on the bank there and is waiting for a permanent position to come up, so I'm not building my hopes up. Look at my last blog, I was so excited and happy and felt 'this was it' but look how far I got! Lesson learnt, I'm not allowing myself to hope. Well ok, maybe just a teeny weensy tiny little bit - after all what is life without hope?
In other news, I've found this fantastic charity website called 'Post Pals' it is an organisation which helps put a smile on the faces of children in hospital, by a simple letter or gift. The website is HERE and anyone that reads this blog, it'd be so fab if you could take the time to write a letter. I know from experience of being on the wards that many kids get bored, especially the early teens, so a letter could really make their day! I'm going to send a few :)
Anyway, that's all for now, still hoping and still trying. I really hope something good happens.
1. Have experience of being on the ward. Check.
2. Advert asking for NQ nurses. Check.
3. More than one job available. Check.
4. Made a good impression (according to the ward sister, charge nurse and other staff.) Check.
5. Have a good knowledge of the ward and procedures. Check.
6. Made sure my 'Supporting Information' bit fitted all job description criteria. Check.
7. Got it in in plenty of time AND recieved confirmation email to say they'd got it. Check.
I literally cannot think of anymore that I could have done to improve my chances of at least an interview. I'm annoyed, upset, frustrated, but above all, losing hope and confidence. I really thought that I'd have got a job by now. I mean, I knew it'd be hard, but I didn't think it would be this soul destroying.
Oh well. Least I'm still trying (just about...). There were 2 paeds nursing job advertised on the NHS site today, of which I've applied. It's like buses, none for weeks then two on the same day. One is on the ward I did my management on, but I know there is a nurse who works full time on the bank there and is waiting for a permanent position to come up, so I'm not building my hopes up. Look at my last blog, I was so excited and happy and felt 'this was it' but look how far I got! Lesson learnt, I'm not allowing myself to hope. Well ok, maybe just a teeny weensy tiny little bit - after all what is life without hope?
In other news, I've found this fantastic charity website called 'Post Pals' it is an organisation which helps put a smile on the faces of children in hospital, by a simple letter or gift. The website is HERE and anyone that reads this blog, it'd be so fab if you could take the time to write a letter. I know from experience of being on the wards that many kids get bored, especially the early teens, so a letter could really make their day! I'm going to send a few :)
Anyway, that's all for now, still hoping and still trying. I really hope something good happens.
Monday 8 August 2011
Most Perfect Job in the Whole Wide World
I was looking on the NHS side, as I do, generally 4ish times daily, and I came across an advert which not only asked for NEWLY QUALIFIED nurses, but there were TWO full time jobs. Also I have been on the ward before.
Not only have I been on the ward before, I bloody loved it. Those of you who have read my blog since day one, will recall my first ever placement. This is the same ward. I loved that placement so much. I literally wanted to stay there forever. I LOVED IT!!!
I haven't got an interview yet, it got put online the 7th, I saw it straightaway, closing date 14th, interview date 30th.
My whole theories of it's not what you know, it's who you know and people who are 'insiders' hold more chance are coming into play. I loved that ward, I made a good enough impression my mentor told me she'd give me a job (she's on the sick now from what I've been told...), I saw people from that ward all through my training and they still remembered my name, even when I was working on other ward...this is the ward I truly totally fell head over heels in love with nursing. The other student nurses I was with on placement didn't like the ward, for some reason, but I loved it. I loved the ward, and it was the ward in which I compared every other placement against. I love this ward and would never dream of ever getting a job on it.
I don't have an interview yet, closing date is not here BUT if I can take into account the fact I was on placement here, made a good impression according to tutors, nurses on other wards, doctors...I should hopefully get an interview. If I were to get an interview, but was not offered the job, I think that would be it in terms of getting a nursing job. If I got an interview on a ward I loved, made a good impression, everyone knew me...blah blah blah...and I didn't get one of the jobs, then I think I would be too devastated to go on with this nursing thing. One of the girls on my course got offered a job on this ward from a trust wide interview, at the start of the year, despite her not working there before, well she did...kinda....it's a surgical ward and she was on the surgical day ward, but took 15 of the 18 shifts in the placement off sick...so if she can do it, anyone can...no?
I want this job more than anything. I know the ward, I know the conditions, I know the procedures, I know the staff and they know me, I know that I would love it.
If I don't get it, I really will fall apart, for I really can't see any reason why I don't stand a good enough chance? That's not to sound big headed, those who know me know I am not arrogant, far from it, but I mean, I can't understand what would prevent me from making a good enough case to give me one of the jobs?
PLEASE I want an interview and I want this job more than anything I have ever wanted.
Not only have I been on the ward before, I bloody loved it. Those of you who have read my blog since day one, will recall my first ever placement. This is the same ward. I loved that placement so much. I literally wanted to stay there forever. I LOVED IT!!!
I haven't got an interview yet, it got put online the 7th, I saw it straightaway, closing date 14th, interview date 30th.
My whole theories of it's not what you know, it's who you know and people who are 'insiders' hold more chance are coming into play. I loved that ward, I made a good enough impression my mentor told me she'd give me a job (she's on the sick now from what I've been told...), I saw people from that ward all through my training and they still remembered my name, even when I was working on other ward...this is the ward I truly totally fell head over heels in love with nursing. The other student nurses I was with on placement didn't like the ward, for some reason, but I loved it. I loved the ward, and it was the ward in which I compared every other placement against. I love this ward and would never dream of ever getting a job on it.
I don't have an interview yet, closing date is not here BUT if I can take into account the fact I was on placement here, made a good impression according to tutors, nurses on other wards, doctors...I should hopefully get an interview. If I were to get an interview, but was not offered the job, I think that would be it in terms of getting a nursing job. If I got an interview on a ward I loved, made a good impression, everyone knew me...blah blah blah...and I didn't get one of the jobs, then I think I would be too devastated to go on with this nursing thing. One of the girls on my course got offered a job on this ward from a trust wide interview, at the start of the year, despite her not working there before, well she did...kinda....it's a surgical ward and she was on the surgical day ward, but took 15 of the 18 shifts in the placement off sick...so if she can do it, anyone can...no?
I want this job more than anything. I know the ward, I know the conditions, I know the procedures, I know the staff and they know me, I know that I would love it.
If I don't get it, I really will fall apart, for I really can't see any reason why I don't stand a good enough chance? That's not to sound big headed, those who know me know I am not arrogant, far from it, but I mean, I can't understand what would prevent me from making a good enough case to give me one of the jobs?
PLEASE I want an interview and I want this job more than anything I have ever wanted.
Monday 1 August 2011
Surprise Surprise
I didn't get the job. What a surprise. Or not. It went to someone who worked bank on the ward. I got good feedback, the interviewer said I interviewed well, answered questions fully, appeared confident and that she noticed that I'd done my research into this area of nursing, however, I did not have any experience in that area of nursing, even though she could tell I tried to tie in relevant experience to fit in with that ward. For example, I did a placement on a day surgery unit and the interview was for a day surgery unit, but ENT as opposed to general day surgery, so whilst I could talk about procedures, protocols, things like that which are all very relevant...I hadn't worked on an ENT ward so simply didn't have the experience.
Now I'm sure I've asked this question before, but, if specific experience is an 'essential requirement' in the job description, then surely it makes sense not to offer someone without it, an interview? As it stands for this job, it was under the 'desirable requirements' but even so, if that is what is going to prevent me from getting the job, why put me through the stress of an interview? I'm not having a go at the interviewer as I'm sure it wasn't her fault, but it's clear that sometimes the job already has someone's name on it, and they must just get extra people to interview to fill their quota? Basically, I didn't stand a chance before I even got through the door.
This makes me so annoyed. I've got friends who have done both adult and mental health nursing, and the majority have had no problem finding jobs, which is excellent, and I really am happy for them :) It's just child branch that are having trouble, whether it's because two hospitals have recently merged, or because they need nurses with experience as a qualified, or simply because us newly qualifieds are rubbish (!) but whatever it is, it's utterly depressing. From my course, there is only me and one other who hasn't got a job yet, out of 7 on the course (though one was seconded and so had a job ready to walk back into) that doesn't sound too bad, but I've heard the other courses (March & September) are having the same problems I'm having.
Ah well. What can you do? I think this has been the 6th rejection, it's getting expected now, water off a ducks back! I'll have a cry, get some sleep then pull myself into a positive mood and try again. I don't even think I'd take it so badly if I had a job, any job, so at least I had some money coming in! As it stands I can't even get a care assistant/shop assistant/admin/working with kids job or anything! I think people see the nursing qualification and know as soon as I get a nurse job, I'll be away, so over look my application. I've decided to take my nursing bit off my CV, then at least I might get any kind of job!
Anyway, there are plenty worse off, just gotta keep smiling :)
Now I'm sure I've asked this question before, but, if specific experience is an 'essential requirement' in the job description, then surely it makes sense not to offer someone without it, an interview? As it stands for this job, it was under the 'desirable requirements' but even so, if that is what is going to prevent me from getting the job, why put me through the stress of an interview? I'm not having a go at the interviewer as I'm sure it wasn't her fault, but it's clear that sometimes the job already has someone's name on it, and they must just get extra people to interview to fill their quota? Basically, I didn't stand a chance before I even got through the door.
This makes me so annoyed. I've got friends who have done both adult and mental health nursing, and the majority have had no problem finding jobs, which is excellent, and I really am happy for them :) It's just child branch that are having trouble, whether it's because two hospitals have recently merged, or because they need nurses with experience as a qualified, or simply because us newly qualifieds are rubbish (!) but whatever it is, it's utterly depressing. From my course, there is only me and one other who hasn't got a job yet, out of 7 on the course (though one was seconded and so had a job ready to walk back into) that doesn't sound too bad, but I've heard the other courses (March & September) are having the same problems I'm having.
Ah well. What can you do? I think this has been the 6th rejection, it's getting expected now, water off a ducks back! I'll have a cry, get some sleep then pull myself into a positive mood and try again. I don't even think I'd take it so badly if I had a job, any job, so at least I had some money coming in! As it stands I can't even get a care assistant/shop assistant/admin/working with kids job or anything! I think people see the nursing qualification and know as soon as I get a nurse job, I'll be away, so over look my application. I've decided to take my nursing bit off my CV, then at least I might get any kind of job!
Anyway, there are plenty worse off, just gotta keep smiling :)
Saturday 16 July 2011
It's Late and I'm Let Down
I know it's after half 4 in the morning, but I can't sleep and might as well blog.
I'm feeling so let down :(
Got an email this morning saying that 'due to unforseen circumstances' interview has been cancelled. Just my luck. Sods Law. Makes you feel like giving up.
I'm lucky I have the friends that I do, they make me smile. I went to see Harry Potter today (well...being 4.40am...yesterday) and my tears weren't just for the final ever part of Harry Potter, though most were, but I got the email just before I left to go to the cinema, so was feeling really shitty and took the chance to just have a good cry.
Oh well. Can't do anything about it. Must try to sleep now xxx
I'm feeling so let down :(
Got an email this morning saying that 'due to unforseen circumstances' interview has been cancelled. Just my luck. Sods Law. Makes you feel like giving up.
I'm lucky I have the friends that I do, they make me smile. I went to see Harry Potter today (well...being 4.40am...yesterday) and my tears weren't just for the final ever part of Harry Potter, though most were, but I got the email just before I left to go to the cinema, so was feeling really shitty and took the chance to just have a good cry.
Oh well. Can't do anything about it. Must try to sleep now xxx
Thursday 14 July 2011
Politics
So, today I went for a look around the ward I have an interview for as I've been told, it gives you more a feel for things and makes you less nervous about interview - which for me would be a good thing!
The ward is fantastic, it's really old fashioned, you know, cartoon paintings on the wall, tiled floors, high ceilings - fantastic. The staff seem really friendly and it seems almost an identical kind of ward to one I've already done a placement on, and loved, so all in all, it's an absolutely perfect first job and if I were to be offered it, to say I would be over the moon would be the biggest understatement ever! It would beat the feeling of winning the £166 million rollover Euro lottery, not that I won that (!) but I can imagine how good that would feel, and this would be even better.
But. And there is always a 'but', the ward is so short staffed, they have the same members of bank staff regularly working full time hours, and of course and understandably the way the work climate is today, they too have applied for the job as it is a permanent position. So it's really a case of either the people at the interview giving the job to someone they know, has worked on the ward, is not a newly qualified nurse and will not take long for the CRB and all the checks to come through versus them taking on someone they don't know, who is newly qualified and needs all the paperwork completed. Hmmm, seems like there is only one choice really, doesn't it?
I guess I will think positive thoughts whilst also wishing for a miracle!
Wednesday 13 July 2011
Graduate...
I was meant to graduate today, however could not afford to hire my gown (seriously - almost 50 quid?!) so did not attend.
Whilst it is a shame, itt can't be helped and as I've already done the whole graduation malarky before, it doesn't seem a big deal. Everyone that did go had a nice day so that's the main thing. Only one person in my child branch went, which seems a bit of a let down, but as we're all graduates I think that is why. Also, if we choose to carry on a complete the MSc which is only something like 20 more credits, that'll mean yet another ceremony. Personally I don't plan to go for the MSc, I just want to be a nurse...if someone will hire me! Ahh well, going to look round the ward tomorrow so fingers crossed, I make a good enough impression before interview!
Whilst it is a shame, itt can't be helped and as I've already done the whole graduation malarky before, it doesn't seem a big deal. Everyone that did go had a nice day so that's the main thing. Only one person in my child branch went, which seems a bit of a let down, but as we're all graduates I think that is why. Also, if we choose to carry on a complete the MSc which is only something like 20 more credits, that'll mean yet another ceremony. Personally I don't plan to go for the MSc, I just want to be a nurse...if someone will hire me! Ahh well, going to look round the ward tomorrow so fingers crossed, I make a good enough impression before interview!
Saturday 2 July 2011
Cautious...but excited
I've got an interview! WOO HOO!
I've never done a placement on that ward, let alone that hospital, it's not ideal in terms of getting there, there are probably loads of better people getting interviewed BUT I'm so happy I've been given an interview, I just really really want someone to give me a chance.
It's in a few weeks, I'm going to read up about the area and I'm going to visit the ward to get a feel for things, other than that I'm going to try not to stress and keep everything crossed! :)
I've never done a placement on that ward, let alone that hospital, it's not ideal in terms of getting there, there are probably loads of better people getting interviewed BUT I'm so happy I've been given an interview, I just really really want someone to give me a chance.
It's in a few weeks, I'm going to read up about the area and I'm going to visit the ward to get a feel for things, other than that I'm going to try not to stress and keep everything crossed! :)
Wednesday 8 June 2011
What A Dummy...But Realisation Dawns!
Ok so, I am a dummy. We all knew that. But this time in particular it was worth a moment of daftness.
You know when you check your hotmail account and it tells you if you have any emails in your inbox before you click to see where the emails are? I set up an email account just for applying for nurse jobs (as in, it was a 'sensible' email name as opposed to something stupid, like, 'pisshead69' or something!) so I knew any emails would be job related. Well I signed in and saw 'Inbox (1)' so I got all excited thinking I might have a nurse interview.
Anyway, it was just some crappy spam mail BUT it got me thinking, if I was excited to think I had an interview somewhere, then, deep down I know I haven't given up. I guess I always knew inside that I couldn't 100% give up. I just can't. It may sometimes be easier to sit back and accept defeat and learn to live an easy life that nicely prattles along. Only thing it, what is life without taking chances? I mean yeah, it hurts every time I'm given a 'no', and slowly chips further and further away at my confidence which makes me wonder what exactly my point in life is BUT it's my dream, and like a good friend once said, 'what is this awful world without dreams?' Never a truer word said.
So that's me, back to applying. I do feel that I'm a bit on an emotional merry-go-round, where some days I'm ready to throw the towel in and give up, then you get some days where something happens to make you wonder why you'd ever want to quit trying?
As much as I really don't think I can take that much more rejection, there something inside me that just won't quit. It can be an annoying trait at times but I know I'm a person who is determined to get what she wants and will fight for it. Being a nurse is something that I have wanted for so long, and I've come this far, I want it SO much, I won't give up until I get it.
I just really really hope something good happens soon.
You know when you check your hotmail account and it tells you if you have any emails in your inbox before you click to see where the emails are? I set up an email account just for applying for nurse jobs (as in, it was a 'sensible' email name as opposed to something stupid, like, 'pisshead69' or something!) so I knew any emails would be job related. Well I signed in and saw 'Inbox (1)' so I got all excited thinking I might have a nurse interview.
Anyway, it was just some crappy spam mail BUT it got me thinking, if I was excited to think I had an interview somewhere, then, deep down I know I haven't given up. I guess I always knew inside that I couldn't 100% give up. I just can't. It may sometimes be easier to sit back and accept defeat and learn to live an easy life that nicely prattles along. Only thing it, what is life without taking chances? I mean yeah, it hurts every time I'm given a 'no', and slowly chips further and further away at my confidence which makes me wonder what exactly my point in life is BUT it's my dream, and like a good friend once said, 'what is this awful world without dreams?' Never a truer word said.
So that's me, back to applying. I do feel that I'm a bit on an emotional merry-go-round, where some days I'm ready to throw the towel in and give up, then you get some days where something happens to make you wonder why you'd ever want to quit trying?
As much as I really don't think I can take that much more rejection, there something inside me that just won't quit. It can be an annoying trait at times but I know I'm a person who is determined to get what she wants and will fight for it. Being a nurse is something that I have wanted for so long, and I've come this far, I want it SO much, I won't give up until I get it.
I just really really hope something good happens soon.
Sunday 29 May 2011
Time To Face Facts
I know it's not been so long since my last blog, but I think it's about time I faced facts. I'm never going to be a nurse, it's a pipe dream that I've dreamt of for so long, and no matter how many times people will tell me (being nice of course) or no matter how many times I tell myself, I will never be a good children's nurse. It's never going to happen. End of dream. I was stupid and delusional to think I could ever do this.
I guess I could see it as one of two things. 1) I'm a failure. 2) I'm a failure but I acknowledge that, so it's time to accept and move on, try something different, learn a new skill, make the most of the situation.
Either way I'm a failure. A failed children's nurse. Just thankful I can finally learn to accept it and move on. I'd say something about the start of a fresh new chapter but to be honest there will always be that little bit of me hoping something will come up, that simply one children's nursing job will come up that I could hope to get, but it just won't happen. It's been months since I qualified and there have been so few jobs. Then there are the other intakes staggered through the year that are becoming qualified. Seems it's time to accept defeat and move on, safe in the knowledge that wherever I get a non nursey job, I'm at least first aid trained. Maybe this will be my last blog, I seem a fraud parading around as a student nurse when I’m an unemployed qualified nurse, not that it makes any difference, I’m still unemployed and sad about it.
Least I have my family and real friends I guess.
Monday 23 May 2011
Getting Stuff Off My Chest
OK, so before my thoughts go down into my blog, I know many people are worse off than me and I have no right in complaining, however, seeing as nobody reads my blog (or not many!) and it's kinda getting to be more a diary due to being an unemployed nurse, so I'm just gonna roll with it.
I'm feeling really disappointed. If I'm truly honest, which I am, I'm feeling disappointed in lots of things. Uni. 'Friends'. Job Situation. Lots of things.
Starting with Uni, I feel that they didn't fully prepare us for the lack of jobs, it may be the climate at the moment, but it was never stated that there would be no jobs once we qualified, though that may just be me being naive? We didn't do much in terms of preparation and whilst that could be due to the kind of course, or whatever, I got more help in terms of interview prep from my management placement. I don't feel I'd be able to go to my tutor and ask for help as she's is probably juggling her current workload and tutor groups so I'd not want to add any more stress to her. Plus the one time I did ask she wasn't a great deal of help.
Moving on to 'friends', I know I've said it before but everyone reckons the friends you make during nurse training are going to be friends for life. Sadly I very much disagree. As we were a small group of 7 in the end, you'd think we'd stick together? Unfortunately this isn't the case. There are four main girls who are friends, who have one by one reduced the number of their friendship group by either being nasty or just plain ignorant to the rest of us, which, I find quite incredible for someone in the caring profession. For some reason I am now being ignored and whilst, yes, it hurts a bit, it also goes to show that no matter how hard you try to be nice, helpful or caring to others, it doesn't really matter in the end. Still I'm not going to change myself to fit in with others, if they enjoy bitching and nastiness, so be it. I'm mature enough to realise I don't want people like that in my life. It just generally pisses me off when they arrange a 'secret' holiday and boast about it all over a well known social network site. It's just pathetic, something you might do when you were 14, though saying that, if I saw any of them tomorrow I'd still smile and be polite. Damn being brought up so well - shame that can't extend to them! Still, it makes me more thankful for the true and genuine friends I have, which I love lots. I'd rather have 5 close friends who I could trust my life with than 200 'friends' whick I couldn't.
The job situation still sucks, I said in a previous blog I'd only apply for things I really really want...that didn't last long, I've ended up applying for a job that came up, just cos I'm desperate so no doubt if I'm lucky enough to get an interview (doubtful) I'll stress myself up, mess up the interview, not get the job then end up feeling a million times more sorry for myself. I'm thinking of drawing a time on when I'm just going to stop applying and give up on the dream. As much as I don't want to, I'm slowly realising that it's not going to happen and maybe the sooner I see that for sure, the better. I'm still young(ish) I have plenty of time to change career? If I'd done adult I'd probably not be in this situation, there seems to be lots of jobs in that branch at the moment but then having not done adult nursing, I'm unsure of the competition so it could be just as bad.
All in all I guess I look like I'm feeling sorry for myself and I probably am. I guess I took it for granted that when I qualified there would be jobs available and if there wasn't I'd have the support from friends to help. Ahh well, life is there to teach you things the hard way I guess.
Still I have a song which is one of my absolute favourites and always cheers me up (wow I sound so ridiculously emo, those who know me know I'm far from it!) but anyway, here is it, hope it makes someone smile too cos I absolutely love it :)
SMILE :)
I'm feeling really disappointed. If I'm truly honest, which I am, I'm feeling disappointed in lots of things. Uni. 'Friends'. Job Situation. Lots of things.
Starting with Uni, I feel that they didn't fully prepare us for the lack of jobs, it may be the climate at the moment, but it was never stated that there would be no jobs once we qualified, though that may just be me being naive? We didn't do much in terms of preparation and whilst that could be due to the kind of course, or whatever, I got more help in terms of interview prep from my management placement. I don't feel I'd be able to go to my tutor and ask for help as she's is probably juggling her current workload and tutor groups so I'd not want to add any more stress to her. Plus the one time I did ask she wasn't a great deal of help.
Moving on to 'friends', I know I've said it before but everyone reckons the friends you make during nurse training are going to be friends for life. Sadly I very much disagree. As we were a small group of 7 in the end, you'd think we'd stick together? Unfortunately this isn't the case. There are four main girls who are friends, who have one by one reduced the number of their friendship group by either being nasty or just plain ignorant to the rest of us, which, I find quite incredible for someone in the caring profession. For some reason I am now being ignored and whilst, yes, it hurts a bit, it also goes to show that no matter how hard you try to be nice, helpful or caring to others, it doesn't really matter in the end. Still I'm not going to change myself to fit in with others, if they enjoy bitching and nastiness, so be it. I'm mature enough to realise I don't want people like that in my life. It just generally pisses me off when they arrange a 'secret' holiday and boast about it all over a well known social network site. It's just pathetic, something you might do when you were 14, though saying that, if I saw any of them tomorrow I'd still smile and be polite. Damn being brought up so well - shame that can't extend to them! Still, it makes me more thankful for the true and genuine friends I have, which I love lots. I'd rather have 5 close friends who I could trust my life with than 200 'friends' whick I couldn't.
The job situation still sucks, I said in a previous blog I'd only apply for things I really really want...that didn't last long, I've ended up applying for a job that came up, just cos I'm desperate so no doubt if I'm lucky enough to get an interview (doubtful) I'll stress myself up, mess up the interview, not get the job then end up feeling a million times more sorry for myself. I'm thinking of drawing a time on when I'm just going to stop applying and give up on the dream. As much as I don't want to, I'm slowly realising that it's not going to happen and maybe the sooner I see that for sure, the better. I'm still young(ish) I have plenty of time to change career? If I'd done adult I'd probably not be in this situation, there seems to be lots of jobs in that branch at the moment but then having not done adult nursing, I'm unsure of the competition so it could be just as bad.
All in all I guess I look like I'm feeling sorry for myself and I probably am. I guess I took it for granted that when I qualified there would be jobs available and if there wasn't I'd have the support from friends to help. Ahh well, life is there to teach you things the hard way I guess.
Still I have a song which is one of my absolute favourites and always cheers me up (wow I sound so ridiculously emo, those who know me know I'm far from it!) but anyway, here is it, hope it makes someone smile too cos I absolutely love it :)
SMILE :)
Thursday 19 May 2011
Friendship
Met up with an amazing friend today, Naomi. Her daughter Ellie, was born with ARPKD (Autosomal Recessive Polycystic Kidney Disease) and lived for 40 hours.
For the full heartbreaking story Naomi has a blog...Naomi's Blog
and she is aiming to raise £10K for the RVI's Saving Lives. This can be done via the justgiving page:
Or via her craft store
Please please please give what you can, even one pound can help. Please help my amazing friend Naomi in helping others who suffer from this.
For the full heartbreaking story Naomi has a blog...Naomi's Blog
and she is aiming to raise £10K for the RVI's Saving Lives. This can be done via the justgiving page:
Or via her craft store
Please please please give what you can, even one pound can help. Please help my amazing friend Naomi in helping others who suffer from this.
Sunday 15 May 2011
A New Plan
Ok, so I after a lot of thinking and lots of worrying and a good chat with some lovely friends, I have a plan!
(It's not terribly exciting mind)
I simply cannot continuously put myself through the constant rejection when applying for nursing jobs. It's shattering my confidence, it's making me wonder why I've bothered these last couple of years and it's making me doubt everything I do. In short, it's just ruined all my self belief and makes me feel really really sad.
However, I can't give up completely as then all the hard work, studying, long hours, stress, everything will have been for nothing, and to me, that's not acceptable. As a rule, if I want something, I try and try and try til I get there.
SO, the plan. I'm only going to apply for jobs I really REALLY want. When I think about things, I don't mind the incredible amount of short term stress that preparing for and having an interview brings about, if there is a chance I will get a job perfect for me, out of it. But I refuse to put myself through this stress if it's for a job which I feel I should apply for but don't really really want. As a friend said, it's about time I looked after myself a bit more instead of others. Harder than it sounds!
For example, there is a job advertised for a cardiac ICU, which normally I'd apply for, possibly get an interview, stress about everything, be a quivering wreck on interview day where I will mess up, to eventually be told I didn't get the job...which I wasn't 100% desperate for anyway. Thinking the way I'm thinking now, I'm not going to apply so I skip all the heartache (pardon the pun) and I'm still in exactly the same position as I would be, if I'd applied, only without the hassle of losing any more confidence. That way, when the jobs I would love do get advertised, I'll feel refreshed, more positive and more hopeful for getting an interview and maybe even the job.
Hmmm all works in theory, but then again there could be no jobs advertised that I like? True, but to be totally honest, I'm not super fussy about where I work, only very honest about where I know I'd not like to work, namely intensive care units or theatres. So really, it probably doesn't sound much of a 'plan' as such, but it makes me feel a bit more empowered to know that I can actually choose not to apply for a job and don't feel pushed into applying for every single one, if that makes any sense???
As for being jobless, I am willing to take any non-nursey job and have applied to many nursing homes in order to build up and keep up to date my skills I have, which will help with my CV and applications to jobs, as well as helping my bank balance(!) so fingers crossed something will come of these jobs.
Reading that over it doesn't seem like much of a plan but that small step of realising I don't have to apply for every job makes me feel a whole lot better about things and will make me feel over the moon if I actually get a nursing job soon as I'll know that it was one I really really wanted. Imagine applying for a job on a ward you'd done a placement on and HATED (we all have them!) and getting it as your first job as a newly qualified, wouldn't you feel as though somehow you'd cheated yourself out of the excitement of your first post a bit? If you really didn't like that ward then you'd dreading your first day as a 'real' nurse and won't be feeling at all excited about it...which I think would be such a shame.
So anyhoo, that's 'the plan', well, until literally NO jobs are advertised and I'm forced to apply for wards I know I'll not like, but hey, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Tthe NMC give your 5 years post qualifying to get a nursing job before they take your qualification off you...I've got PLENTY of time (I hope!)
(It's not terribly exciting mind)
I simply cannot continuously put myself through the constant rejection when applying for nursing jobs. It's shattering my confidence, it's making me wonder why I've bothered these last couple of years and it's making me doubt everything I do. In short, it's just ruined all my self belief and makes me feel really really sad.
However, I can't give up completely as then all the hard work, studying, long hours, stress, everything will have been for nothing, and to me, that's not acceptable. As a rule, if I want something, I try and try and try til I get there.
SO, the plan. I'm only going to apply for jobs I really REALLY want. When I think about things, I don't mind the incredible amount of short term stress that preparing for and having an interview brings about, if there is a chance I will get a job perfect for me, out of it. But I refuse to put myself through this stress if it's for a job which I feel I should apply for but don't really really want. As a friend said, it's about time I looked after myself a bit more instead of others. Harder than it sounds!
For example, there is a job advertised for a cardiac ICU, which normally I'd apply for, possibly get an interview, stress about everything, be a quivering wreck on interview day where I will mess up, to eventually be told I didn't get the job...which I wasn't 100% desperate for anyway. Thinking the way I'm thinking now, I'm not going to apply so I skip all the heartache (pardon the pun) and I'm still in exactly the same position as I would be, if I'd applied, only without the hassle of losing any more confidence. That way, when the jobs I would love do get advertised, I'll feel refreshed, more positive and more hopeful for getting an interview and maybe even the job.
Hmmm all works in theory, but then again there could be no jobs advertised that I like? True, but to be totally honest, I'm not super fussy about where I work, only very honest about where I know I'd not like to work, namely intensive care units or theatres. So really, it probably doesn't sound much of a 'plan' as such, but it makes me feel a bit more empowered to know that I can actually choose not to apply for a job and don't feel pushed into applying for every single one, if that makes any sense???
As for being jobless, I am willing to take any non-nursey job and have applied to many nursing homes in order to build up and keep up to date my skills I have, which will help with my CV and applications to jobs, as well as helping my bank balance(!) so fingers crossed something will come of these jobs.
Reading that over it doesn't seem like much of a plan but that small step of realising I don't have to apply for every job makes me feel a whole lot better about things and will make me feel over the moon if I actually get a nursing job soon as I'll know that it was one I really really wanted. Imagine applying for a job on a ward you'd done a placement on and HATED (we all have them!) and getting it as your first job as a newly qualified, wouldn't you feel as though somehow you'd cheated yourself out of the excitement of your first post a bit? If you really didn't like that ward then you'd dreading your first day as a 'real' nurse and won't be feeling at all excited about it...which I think would be such a shame.
So anyhoo, that's 'the plan', well, until literally NO jobs are advertised and I'm forced to apply for wards I know I'll not like, but hey, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Tthe NMC give your 5 years post qualifying to get a nursing job before they take your qualification off you...I've got PLENTY of time (I hope!)
Thursday 5 May 2011
Not Good News But Not Surprising
So, I didn't get the job and to be honest I'm not surprised. I managed to work myself up, which I tend to do when I really want the job (yet I can stay calm for those I'm not desperate for - if only it was the other way round!). I messed up basically, and if I'm honest, I wouldn't have employed me. I was absolute crap.
When I got the call to say I'd not been successful the nurse was lovely, bless her. There were 48 applicants whittled down to 14 for an interview, then the person given the job had years of experience in that setting. So I guess I could feel happy I was lucky enouth to get an interview?
Only I don't, I just feel really really tired of it all. Whether that's because I didn't sleep well last night or whether I'm just getting fed up? The way I'm feeling right now is that I just can't put myself through the whole process again. I prepare so much for the interviews, I try my best, stress myself out, and all for what? Yet another rejection? Maybe it's telling me something, that I'm simply not cut out for it. But underneath it all I'm so desperate to nurse, I can't imagine doing anything else, and I know deep down, I'll try my best to brush myself down and keep going, it's just getting harder and harder everytime I get given another 'no' and chips further away at the little confidence I have left in myself. I know there are so many people worse off, going through hell every day and I have nothing to moan about, I've great family and friends, all healthy and happy, so I have nothing to whinge about.
It's just exhausting :(
When I got the call to say I'd not been successful the nurse was lovely, bless her. There were 48 applicants whittled down to 14 for an interview, then the person given the job had years of experience in that setting. So I guess I could feel happy I was lucky enouth to get an interview?
Only I don't, I just feel really really tired of it all. Whether that's because I didn't sleep well last night or whether I'm just getting fed up? The way I'm feeling right now is that I just can't put myself through the whole process again. I prepare so much for the interviews, I try my best, stress myself out, and all for what? Yet another rejection? Maybe it's telling me something, that I'm simply not cut out for it. But underneath it all I'm so desperate to nurse, I can't imagine doing anything else, and I know deep down, I'll try my best to brush myself down and keep going, it's just getting harder and harder everytime I get given another 'no' and chips further away at the little confidence I have left in myself. I know there are so many people worse off, going through hell every day and I have nothing to moan about, I've great family and friends, all healthy and happy, so I have nothing to whinge about.
It's just exhausting :(
Tuesday 3 May 2011
Tomorrow
I have an interview tomorrow and I really really want this job. Regarding my last blog and the 3 points I made, in terms of this interview I: 1) I really do want this job, it is in an emergency assessment unit and I struggle to think of a better ward in which I can learn, see, experience as many things as possible, ideal first nursing post. 2) I've done a placement on this ward! It was early on though and I've improved in confidence and knowledge since then, so hopefully they'll take that on board? 3) There is always a chance I am a crap nurse but I'm learning to feel less nervous negative about interviews and just trying my absolute best, there is nothing else I can do, right?
At the moment I've been feeling relatively chilled on the run up to this interview. I'm trying not to think about things as I'll make myself freak out, however I can feel the anxiety slowly creeping in about tomorrow. I wonder whether to go to bed early or will I toss and turn? Or stay up later so I'll be tired enough to sleep but then will I be too tired to interview well? Or what to do? As my interview is late morning, I'm thinking plan on getting 8 hrs sleep but go to bed an hour earlier to allow for the tossing and turning...oh I think far to much about things!
As my preperation I've been re-reading my reflections from when I did my placement there, familiarising myself on all the things I may come across on the ward, remembering all the protocols (though they may have changed by now?), going over possible questions; I've ironed my outfit, polished my shoes, checked and rechecked I have all the forms/certificates/info I need to bring, even made sure I have the right change for the car park and metro. Oh and, when I get rejected I always feel like I just want to curl up in my bed and watch a movie with chocolate and friends, so a friend and I have arranged to go to the cinema and see 'Water for Elephants' so even if I get bad news, I've got a lovely friend and the cinema which will help take my mind off it and cheer me up...if I (dare I say) get good news then we'll turn it into a mini celebration :)
I can safely say I'm fully prepared. Now hopefully a good nights sleep and tomorrow morning being stress free and I'm good to go. Did I mention I was having a hair nightmare...frizz just isn't the word, that's not a good look...
Wish me luck!
At the moment I've been feeling relatively chilled on the run up to this interview. I'm trying not to think about things as I'll make myself freak out, however I can feel the anxiety slowly creeping in about tomorrow. I wonder whether to go to bed early or will I toss and turn? Or stay up later so I'll be tired enough to sleep but then will I be too tired to interview well? Or what to do? As my interview is late morning, I'm thinking plan on getting 8 hrs sleep but go to bed an hour earlier to allow for the tossing and turning...oh I think far to much about things!
As my preperation I've been re-reading my reflections from when I did my placement there, familiarising myself on all the things I may come across on the ward, remembering all the protocols (though they may have changed by now?), going over possible questions; I've ironed my outfit, polished my shoes, checked and rechecked I have all the forms/certificates/info I need to bring, even made sure I have the right change for the car park and metro. Oh and, when I get rejected I always feel like I just want to curl up in my bed and watch a movie with chocolate and friends, so a friend and I have arranged to go to the cinema and see 'Water for Elephants' so even if I get bad news, I've got a lovely friend and the cinema which will help take my mind off it and cheer me up...if I (dare I say) get good news then we'll turn it into a mini celebration :)
I can safely say I'm fully prepared. Now hopefully a good nights sleep and tomorrow morning being stress free and I'm good to go. Did I mention I was having a hair nightmare...frizz just isn't the word, that's not a good look...
Wish me luck!
Thursday 31 March 2011
So I didn't get the job, but I feel relieved?
Had my interview today and I didn't get the job. I gave it everything I had, I answered the questions as best I could and looking back, if I were asked the same questions, I'd say exactly the same thing. Afterwards, I met a girl who was also being interviewed and had just completed her management on that ward, and turns out she got the job. They said they were looking for someone who had experience in working on that kind of ward, and as they could clearly see from my application I hadn't, why put me through the stress of an interview I had zero chance of getting?
Normally I'd feel upset and down on myself that I did something wrong, didn't do well enough or messed up completely, but I really don't. I think it's one of three things,
1) In my heart of hearts I never really really wanted that job. Having never worked on the ward and even though I read up on everything and prepared more than I've ever prepared for a job, and wouldn't change a thing I said during the interview, I felt relief when I got the call to say I'd not got it, so surely it's a good thing I didn't get the job, right? Whether I conveyed that across unintentionally I don't know, but I feel that I actually performed better at interview when I wasn't desperate for the job, as when I'm desperate for the job, I get myself all worked up and probably let the nerves take over.
2) It just goes to show it's not what you know, it's who you know. In which case, in reference for me not getting the job due to lack of experience, this limits the jobs I can apply for having only done placements on a limited number of wards (as has everyone, though different wards respectfully). So realistically me applying for a ward I've never had a placement on puts me at a disadvantage to someone applying who has been on the ward before (though granted that works both ways). None of which I don't think is 'fair' but that's life.
3) I'm simply realising that I'm a crap nurse.
It's only been 2 months since I qualified and although that isn't long, it feels longer and it's so easy to lose faith. I sometimes feel that fate can help, and if it makes me feel better believing that I didn't get this job because there is a better one more suited to me, then let me be happy believing in fate, that's not to say I expect people to come knocking on my door with job offers, I know I have to keep putting in the work in applications and interviews.
I really hope anyone who reads my blog, that is if anyone does (!) gets a job before or very shortly after qualifying, because it really does feel soul destroying getting nowhere.
Normally I'd feel upset and down on myself that I did something wrong, didn't do well enough or messed up completely, but I really don't. I think it's one of three things,
1) In my heart of hearts I never really really wanted that job. Having never worked on the ward and even though I read up on everything and prepared more than I've ever prepared for a job, and wouldn't change a thing I said during the interview, I felt relief when I got the call to say I'd not got it, so surely it's a good thing I didn't get the job, right? Whether I conveyed that across unintentionally I don't know, but I feel that I actually performed better at interview when I wasn't desperate for the job, as when I'm desperate for the job, I get myself all worked up and probably let the nerves take over.
2) It just goes to show it's not what you know, it's who you know. In which case, in reference for me not getting the job due to lack of experience, this limits the jobs I can apply for having only done placements on a limited number of wards (as has everyone, though different wards respectfully). So realistically me applying for a ward I've never had a placement on puts me at a disadvantage to someone applying who has been on the ward before (though granted that works both ways). None of which I don't think is 'fair' but that's life.
3) I'm simply realising that I'm a crap nurse.
It's only been 2 months since I qualified and although that isn't long, it feels longer and it's so easy to lose faith. I sometimes feel that fate can help, and if it makes me feel better believing that I didn't get this job because there is a better one more suited to me, then let me be happy believing in fate, that's not to say I expect people to come knocking on my door with job offers, I know I have to keep putting in the work in applications and interviews.
I really hope anyone who reads my blog, that is if anyone does (!) gets a job before or very shortly after qualifying, because it really does feel soul destroying getting nowhere.
Tuesday 15 March 2011
No, Scrap That...
...I GOTS MYSELF AN INTERVIEW!!!
Amazing how one little interview can make you feel a million times better! Granted I probably won't get it, but I'm going to read everything I can, be the best I can be and keep my fingers crossed. I really REALLY want this! :o)
Amazing how one little interview can make you feel a million times better! Granted I probably won't get it, but I'm going to read everything I can, be the best I can be and keep my fingers crossed. I really REALLY want this! :o)
Feelings
Hmmm I don't normally feel this crappy, but, today I do. Well actually today and the day before, where I just wanted to stay in bed. It's nowhere near depression or anything like that, I find that if I make myself do something then I don't feel so crap. It's just the actual making myself doing something, or even just getting dressed. Also I'm being really snappy to the people I love, and whilst I know I'm doing it, I can stop myself normally, but I still think snappy things then I feel bad for just thinking bitchy thoughts, even if I don't say them out loud. Hmmm.
Anyway, no nursing job is REALLY getting to me. I can't go on the Nurse Bank as I haven't completed preceptorship and I can't complete preceptorship cos I haven't got a job. Can't get a nursing job near home cos there are none available. Can't get one away from home cos though I apply, I don't hear; and can't get a non-nursey job near home cos I apply for loads and all I get is 'over qualified'. IT SUCKS. Like, seriously. Temp admin jobs don't want me. Temp sales assistant jobs don't want me. Temp care jobs don't want me. Probably cos they see I'm a qualified nurse and know once I get that nurse job I'll be away. I feel like the world is against me, I am so fed up. Kinda want to crawl away in my bed until someone gives me a job. Also a lot of the friends that I'm always there for, no matter what, are not there for me, so whilst I feel completely alone sometimes, at least I know who my real friends are, and the rest can quite frankly, fuck off.
Ok so I know it sounds like I'm in an absolutely foul mood, which to be honest I probably am, at least if I get it all down on here it'll be out of my head and so lessen the chances that I actually take it out on someone I love, see there is a positive to blogging!
I guess I feel let down, for want of a better phrase. Let down that at uni we'd been led to believe there would always be jobs there. I mean who would expect there to be a lack of nursing jobs? They're always crying out loud for nurses! As it stands I feel so unprepared from Uni. I feel at the moment, on giving up the nursing thing. In my heart I can't ever give up, but right now, for my sanity of finding a job to apply for, applying, putting myself through interviews (I research so much and my nerves are cut to shreds) all to be given a 'no'...I can't do it anymore. Some people get the first job they've applied for and the first interview they've done. One on my coursemates applied for first job they liked, had one interview and got the job, accepted job, applied for another, got interview, got offered it...they've never felt rejection. Whilst that's good for them, and I really mean it when I say I'm happy for them, they don't know how it feels to keep being rejected. It really sucks, it makes you question everything and when you have little confidence as it it, you just feel shit.
Also like I always think 'there are worse people off' and there really are. I have nothing to whinge about compared to some. I have a few things that make me smile, I'll share them here in case any other person in my situation feels as rubbish:
http://www.givesmehope.com/ (as title suggests)
http://immd.icanhascheezburger.com/ (little things make your day)
http://www.fmylife.com/ (always someone worse off...)
http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/ (ditto to above!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0 (Happy People)
http://www.e4.com/video/KjfGlwfQg5rucsqKTdoseA/play.e4 (Just...yeah my sense of humour)
As well as Glee, cheesy music, pyjamas and good books, of which I've got through many since January.
All in all a strange blog entry but I feel better for getting my thoughts and feelings down. Though at the moment I've lost hope with nursing and am applying for anything, I'm hoping one day soon the nursing magic will return and I'll feel more optimistic.
Anyway, no nursing job is REALLY getting to me. I can't go on the Nurse Bank as I haven't completed preceptorship and I can't complete preceptorship cos I haven't got a job. Can't get a nursing job near home cos there are none available. Can't get one away from home cos though I apply, I don't hear; and can't get a non-nursey job near home cos I apply for loads and all I get is 'over qualified'. IT SUCKS. Like, seriously. Temp admin jobs don't want me. Temp sales assistant jobs don't want me. Temp care jobs don't want me. Probably cos they see I'm a qualified nurse and know once I get that nurse job I'll be away. I feel like the world is against me, I am so fed up. Kinda want to crawl away in my bed until someone gives me a job. Also a lot of the friends that I'm always there for, no matter what, are not there for me, so whilst I feel completely alone sometimes, at least I know who my real friends are, and the rest can quite frankly, fuck off.
Ok so I know it sounds like I'm in an absolutely foul mood, which to be honest I probably am, at least if I get it all down on here it'll be out of my head and so lessen the chances that I actually take it out on someone I love, see there is a positive to blogging!
I guess I feel let down, for want of a better phrase. Let down that at uni we'd been led to believe there would always be jobs there. I mean who would expect there to be a lack of nursing jobs? They're always crying out loud for nurses! As it stands I feel so unprepared from Uni. I feel at the moment, on giving up the nursing thing. In my heart I can't ever give up, but right now, for my sanity of finding a job to apply for, applying, putting myself through interviews (I research so much and my nerves are cut to shreds) all to be given a 'no'...I can't do it anymore. Some people get the first job they've applied for and the first interview they've done. One on my coursemates applied for first job they liked, had one interview and got the job, accepted job, applied for another, got interview, got offered it...they've never felt rejection. Whilst that's good for them, and I really mean it when I say I'm happy for them, they don't know how it feels to keep being rejected. It really sucks, it makes you question everything and when you have little confidence as it it, you just feel shit.
Also like I always think 'there are worse people off' and there really are. I have nothing to whinge about compared to some. I have a few things that make me smile, I'll share them here in case any other person in my situation feels as rubbish:
http://www.givesmehope.com/ (as title suggests)
http://immd.icanhascheezburger.com/ (little things make your day)
http://www.fmylife.com/ (always someone worse off...)
http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/ (ditto to above!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0 (Happy People)
http://www.e4.com/video/KjfGlwfQg5rucsqKTdoseA/play.e4 (Just...yeah my sense of humour)
As well as Glee, cheesy music, pyjamas and good books, of which I've got through many since January.
All in all a strange blog entry but I feel better for getting my thoughts and feelings down. Though at the moment I've lost hope with nursing and am applying for anything, I'm hoping one day soon the nursing magic will return and I'll feel more optimistic.
Tuesday 8 March 2011
Fresh New Start?
Could be exciting right? I'm applying for jobs literally EVERYWHERE. For one of two reasons. Firstly...I NEED a job! But secondly, I quite fancy a new independant fresh start, somewhere to just learn who I am.
I've applied allover. Yorkshire, Preston, Doncaster, Wales...all over. Not that I've not applied nearer home, there has been ONE new job in Newcastle, which I've applied for and though ideally I'd like to stay here, I'd be more than happy to move away and meet new people, a new challenge...sometimes staying here I'd just feel I'm stuck in a rut. Even if it's only a move for a year or two, I think it'd do me the world of good. I am still hoping to do a year in Aussie so it'd be a good trial run, see how I cope, see how I feel.
To be fair I've been at home far too long, and whilst I love my family so so so much, I need to get out there and be me.
Anyway, hoping that at least one job will be giving me an interview at least!
I've applied allover. Yorkshire, Preston, Doncaster, Wales...all over. Not that I've not applied nearer home, there has been ONE new job in Newcastle, which I've applied for and though ideally I'd like to stay here, I'd be more than happy to move away and meet new people, a new challenge...sometimes staying here I'd just feel I'm stuck in a rut. Even if it's only a move for a year or two, I think it'd do me the world of good. I am still hoping to do a year in Aussie so it'd be a good trial run, see how I cope, see how I feel.
To be fair I've been at home far too long, and whilst I love my family so so so much, I need to get out there and be me.
Anyway, hoping that at least one job will be giving me an interview at least!
Wednesday 9 February 2011
Jobless...
I'm jobless. And really not through want of trying, but simply because there are NO Paediatric Nursing jobs in my area, and those which are so far afield which it'd require me to move away...I've applied for but not heard from.
I'm a little bit bored crazy here. I can't stand not having anything to do. There are only so many books I can read and so many DVD boxsets I can watch continuously. Ok, so if I'm honest, I'm quite enjoying the whole Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice DVD's on repeat but I'd so much rather be working or at least feel less guilty if I had a job offer and was simply waiting for HR and CRB clearance. I WANT A JOB!
I'm so fed up. I wouldn't say I was depressed as such, not by a long shot, but today I stayed in my jarmies all day and watched 'Come Dine With Me' episodes back to back...as I do a little too ofen these days. Anyway, then I thought 'hmmm I'll totally cook up a storm for everyone' (in my jarmies, of course) but only managed to make my salad soggy with too much dressing and parmeasan, gag with disgust on my baked figs with goats cheese, then burn the 'main' course. So, that didn't go to well.
Better luck tomorrow? What would make my day would be a single suitable (as in I have the qualifications!) paediatric nurse job that wasn't bank, in case I needed to move away - would need a permanent job offer to upsticks and leave - in which I could apply, hopefully get an interview, and then be offered it.
My family are trying to get me to 'sign on' but, and ok this isn't meant to come across as snobby...BUT I couldn't bear going on the dole, I'd be too afraid that I'd never get a job. As it is I'm living on my overdraft and it's not looking good BUT there is such a stigma for dole, you know? It's just a horrible place to be right now, I want to work, I'm qualified, I can't wait to get stuck in...BUT I just can't.
Whilst I'm not 'depressed' it is 'depressing'
Better news next blog post I hope, will still keep smiling...see... :oD
I'm a little bit bored crazy here. I can't stand not having anything to do. There are only so many books I can read and so many DVD boxsets I can watch continuously. Ok, so if I'm honest, I'm quite enjoying the whole Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice DVD's on repeat but I'd so much rather be working or at least feel less guilty if I had a job offer and was simply waiting for HR and CRB clearance. I WANT A JOB!
I'm so fed up. I wouldn't say I was depressed as such, not by a long shot, but today I stayed in my jarmies all day and watched 'Come Dine With Me' episodes back to back...as I do a little too ofen these days. Anyway, then I thought 'hmmm I'll totally cook up a storm for everyone' (in my jarmies, of course) but only managed to make my salad soggy with too much dressing and parmeasan, gag with disgust on my baked figs with goats cheese, then burn the 'main' course. So, that didn't go to well.
Better luck tomorrow? What would make my day would be a single suitable (as in I have the qualifications!) paediatric nurse job that wasn't bank, in case I needed to move away - would need a permanent job offer to upsticks and leave - in which I could apply, hopefully get an interview, and then be offered it.
My family are trying to get me to 'sign on' but, and ok this isn't meant to come across as snobby...BUT I couldn't bear going on the dole, I'd be too afraid that I'd never get a job. As it is I'm living on my overdraft and it's not looking good BUT there is such a stigma for dole, you know? It's just a horrible place to be right now, I want to work, I'm qualified, I can't wait to get stuck in...BUT I just can't.
Whilst I'm not 'depressed' it is 'depressing'
Better news next blog post I hope, will still keep smiling...see... :oD
Sunday 16 January 2011
Final Marks
I got my final marks on Friday, passed everything and got a Commendation - to which I'm over the moon with! Yay!
I'm not sure of the process, but I know the NMC make contact and then you get put on the official register? Something like that?! We did have a lecture but missed the first ten minutes due to a little party we were having with the tutors with bucks fizz and nibbles, having so much fun we were late and missed the start of probably the most important lecture of that week...ooops!
Anyway all done, no more uni (for now...I do believe we have to submit written work for mentorship but that's in the future, won't worry now!)so my days are going to be strangely quiet and chilled out until I find someone daft enough to give me a job!
I'm not sure of the process, but I know the NMC make contact and then you get put on the official register? Something like that?! We did have a lecture but missed the first ten minutes due to a little party we were having with the tutors with bucks fizz and nibbles, having so much fun we were late and missed the start of probably the most important lecture of that week...ooops!
Anyway all done, no more uni (for now...I do believe we have to submit written work for mentorship but that's in the future, won't worry now!)so my days are going to be strangely quiet and chilled out until I find someone daft enough to give me a job!
Wednesday 5 January 2011
New Year!
Happy New Year!!! 2011 is going to be fantastic, I can feel it!
Hope you all had a great Christmas! Mine was quiet, but good! I think in my family, as we don't have any younger kids it's easy to get drawn into the adult view of things, though whilst at my age, I am well aware of (what house to go to, where to have Christmas dinner, who with...etc) I long to have a little kid in the family which can bring back the magic a bit more :o)
Anyway! I am still jobless (in the nursey site, I 'work' just not nursiness work) which actually pains me to write. I don't know if it was my Uni or my own idealistic views but I was always under the impression that there would be jobs available when I qualify - notice I used 'when' there instead of 'if' - but sadly there actually are none, so I'm stuck in a job which I hate, am treat like crap and talked to like I am lower than I don't even know what...but it still earns me pennies so I guess I can't complain...
Hmmm I feel so FRUSTRATED that I'm so ready to be practicing as a nurse, but I actually CAN'T as there are no jobs! If I'd done adult or even mental health nursing it would not have been so bad on the job front, but as it stands in my City, the two main hospitals are merging which means NO JOBS!!!
So what else can I talk about?
My Last Week Of Uni
This was at the end of December, the week before Christmas. If I'm honest, my heart wasn't in it. I was on a high from finishing my management and had nothing (in my - and many others - opinions) from going in. There was only one week, or rather 3 days left. We did some lectures which pretty much 50% of the students went to, we did an Inter Professional Learning workshop, which to be fair, was fun as in, it was the last day, but didn't allow me (and many others) to gain much from, but it was Christmas and we did it with Christmas songs playing in the background...! Well apart from that it was just nice seeing everyone again.
Last Essay
I PASSED!!! I was (and still am!) so happy about it! I got 60% which is ok I guess, I usually try and get 60 or over but after the last essay, a pass of 50% would do! One of my friends on the course failed, and it sucks so much, made me realise I am luck to cross the last hurdle of the course and for that I am grateful.
Everything Else From Now On
Right now I am so happy I have passed. I AM A QUALIFIED PAEDIATRIC NURSE!!! I have reached my absolute dream and I can't wait to get a job and begin to build upon the skills I have started to develop. I can't wait to make a difference. I've heard people tell me I can't make any difference but I really believe that I can, and I will. Even if it's just something little like getting a child their favourite dinner post op, or being there for a parent who needs someone, or reassuring a teenager, or explaining something to carers who don't understand, or getting a family the support they need from an outside organisation - I can do it, I KNOW I can do it, and I will.
Don't think this is the end of this blog...there is still SO much more to come! Thanks for reading :o)
Hope you all had a great Christmas! Mine was quiet, but good! I think in my family, as we don't have any younger kids it's easy to get drawn into the adult view of things, though whilst at my age, I am well aware of (what house to go to, where to have Christmas dinner, who with...etc) I long to have a little kid in the family which can bring back the magic a bit more :o)
Anyway! I am still jobless (in the nursey site, I 'work' just not nursiness work) which actually pains me to write. I don't know if it was my Uni or my own idealistic views but I was always under the impression that there would be jobs available when I qualify - notice I used 'when' there instead of 'if' - but sadly there actually are none, so I'm stuck in a job which I hate, am treat like crap and talked to like I am lower than I don't even know what...but it still earns me pennies so I guess I can't complain...
Hmmm I feel so FRUSTRATED that I'm so ready to be practicing as a nurse, but I actually CAN'T as there are no jobs! If I'd done adult or even mental health nursing it would not have been so bad on the job front, but as it stands in my City, the two main hospitals are merging which means NO JOBS!!!
So what else can I talk about?
My Last Week Of Uni
This was at the end of December, the week before Christmas. If I'm honest, my heart wasn't in it. I was on a high from finishing my management and had nothing (in my - and many others - opinions) from going in. There was only one week, or rather 3 days left. We did some lectures which pretty much 50% of the students went to, we did an Inter Professional Learning workshop, which to be fair, was fun as in, it was the last day, but didn't allow me (and many others) to gain much from, but it was Christmas and we did it with Christmas songs playing in the background...! Well apart from that it was just nice seeing everyone again.
Last Essay
I PASSED!!! I was (and still am!) so happy about it! I got 60% which is ok I guess, I usually try and get 60 or over but after the last essay, a pass of 50% would do! One of my friends on the course failed, and it sucks so much, made me realise I am luck to cross the last hurdle of the course and for that I am grateful.
Everything Else From Now On
Right now I am so happy I have passed. I AM A QUALIFIED PAEDIATRIC NURSE!!! I have reached my absolute dream and I can't wait to get a job and begin to build upon the skills I have started to develop. I can't wait to make a difference. I've heard people tell me I can't make any difference but I really believe that I can, and I will. Even if it's just something little like getting a child their favourite dinner post op, or being there for a parent who needs someone, or reassuring a teenager, or explaining something to carers who don't understand, or getting a family the support they need from an outside organisation - I can do it, I KNOW I can do it, and I will.
Don't think this is the end of this blog...there is still SO much more to come! Thanks for reading :o)
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