Tuesday 21 September 2010
Tuesday 14 September 2010
Assertiveness? Past Caring? Slight Confidence? Something Else? Not sure of this blog title...
So, like the title suggests, I'm not sure of what the title of this blog should be but I'm glad to write that I'm feeling better than I was last time I blogged, which is, good!
My last few weeks I've just stuck to concentrating on what I'm trying to do, and that is being the best nurse I can be. So far it seems to be paying off and I'm learning loads and I actually LOVE the ward I'm on. I think I'm slowly (but surely!) learning that even though I've probably said before it's not the nurses on the wards, but the patients that make the difference. Really, I'm learning that this is a lie and sometimes (or even most the time?) it's nothing about the patients, it's more to do with the nurses or other staff that is on that day, which makes a difference as to how your shift goes. Or maybe, just maybe, I'm starting to see myself as part of the team? A bit? Or not?
If you're working with good nurses and other staff, those of which you're not afraid to ask advice or question things, then you generally have a nicer day. If you're working with staff which you feel you can't ask things for fear of their bad mood rubbing off and putting a negative atmosphere up for the rest of the day, then you go home feeling like crap. It's just a bit difficult when you're working with people of whom you can't predict their mood, til the moment you walk through the door, that's when it's difficult, and to be honest it makes me wonder how one person can have such an effect on a ward?
ANYWAY, enough about that, I'm just writing a little update as I have a weeks study leave (during which I have LOADS of work to do....BOOO!) but I just thought I'd get it down before I need to concentrate on essays and stuff.
I'm still really happy that I'm doing what I'm doing, I don't regret a second of it as life's too short for regrets, but sometimes I look back and wish I'd stuck up for myself and said more often to myself 'you know what, you're not as shit as you think you are' as that would really have helped. Guess I need to get a bit more confidence, easier said than done, ey?!
As for this placement, I've challenged myself even when I've not been as supported as I needed to be, and I'm actually glad, as it shows I can do things by myself and I can do them well. I'm learning even more to see my own limitations and I'm recognising the blurry edge between 'things I can do but don't have the confidence' and 'things I really can't do and if I don't get help when I ask from one person, ask and ask until someone will help'...if that makes sense?
Oh and before I finish this blog, I surprised myself when I did my management stint, I took control of a ward, allocated patients, pushed my communication skills further than I could and even if I was feeling negative about managing a ward before, I really can see that instead of feeling that I couldn't, I tried to see it as a learning experience and found that it actually made me appreciate the role a whole lot more. Whilst I still, at the moment, feel I don't want the responsibility of being a sister (fair enough from a student!) I can see a bit more why someone might want that challenge, just not right now when I'm not even a qualified nurse yet...!
Still, hoping I actually pass, but feeling a bit more 'fight' that if I do get failed, I really will not stand for it. Hard as it is to stay, I feel I am a good nurse, I don't know everything by a long shot and I have so much to learn, but I acknowledge this and plan to study so much more, when (if...) I qualify, but as it stands I think at my point in time, I'm actually doing okay, and I will challenge anyone that tells me otherwise.
That's not arrogance, just a little more self belief, which has taken 27 years to gain.
My last few weeks I've just stuck to concentrating on what I'm trying to do, and that is being the best nurse I can be. So far it seems to be paying off and I'm learning loads and I actually LOVE the ward I'm on. I think I'm slowly (but surely!) learning that even though I've probably said before it's not the nurses on the wards, but the patients that make the difference. Really, I'm learning that this is a lie and sometimes (or even most the time?) it's nothing about the patients, it's more to do with the nurses or other staff that is on that day, which makes a difference as to how your shift goes. Or maybe, just maybe, I'm starting to see myself as part of the team? A bit? Or not?
If you're working with good nurses and other staff, those of which you're not afraid to ask advice or question things, then you generally have a nicer day. If you're working with staff which you feel you can't ask things for fear of their bad mood rubbing off and putting a negative atmosphere up for the rest of the day, then you go home feeling like crap. It's just a bit difficult when you're working with people of whom you can't predict their mood, til the moment you walk through the door, that's when it's difficult, and to be honest it makes me wonder how one person can have such an effect on a ward?
ANYWAY, enough about that, I'm just writing a little update as I have a weeks study leave (during which I have LOADS of work to do....BOOO!) but I just thought I'd get it down before I need to concentrate on essays and stuff.
I'm still really happy that I'm doing what I'm doing, I don't regret a second of it as life's too short for regrets, but sometimes I look back and wish I'd stuck up for myself and said more often to myself 'you know what, you're not as shit as you think you are' as that would really have helped. Guess I need to get a bit more confidence, easier said than done, ey?!
As for this placement, I've challenged myself even when I've not been as supported as I needed to be, and I'm actually glad, as it shows I can do things by myself and I can do them well. I'm learning even more to see my own limitations and I'm recognising the blurry edge between 'things I can do but don't have the confidence' and 'things I really can't do and if I don't get help when I ask from one person, ask and ask until someone will help'...if that makes sense?
Oh and before I finish this blog, I surprised myself when I did my management stint, I took control of a ward, allocated patients, pushed my communication skills further than I could and even if I was feeling negative about managing a ward before, I really can see that instead of feeling that I couldn't, I tried to see it as a learning experience and found that it actually made me appreciate the role a whole lot more. Whilst I still, at the moment, feel I don't want the responsibility of being a sister (fair enough from a student!) I can see a bit more why someone might want that challenge, just not right now when I'm not even a qualified nurse yet...!
Still, hoping I actually pass, but feeling a bit more 'fight' that if I do get failed, I really will not stand for it. Hard as it is to stay, I feel I am a good nurse, I don't know everything by a long shot and I have so much to learn, but I acknowledge this and plan to study so much more, when (if...) I qualify, but as it stands I think at my point in time, I'm actually doing okay, and I will challenge anyone that tells me otherwise.
That's not arrogance, just a little more self belief, which has taken 27 years to gain.
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