What a year! I've learnt so much, met some fantastic people and am living my dream! I'm really really happy and still feel so lucky to be doing something I absolutely love!
Here is just a little thing I stole off some website, if anyone bothers reading this blog, why don't you try it yourself...REFLECTION! Haha! Can even post it in my comments!
1. What was the most memorable event of 2009 for you personally?
Every single placement! I think it was probably the first time I went to theatre. Oooh actually no, it sounds a bit daft but I was on the train going home, from the last shift of my first ever placement, had just found out I'd passed and got some nice comments, and I just felt really happy :o)
2. What have you done this year that you feel was a real accomplishment?
Passed that stupid FOUR HOUR exam!
3. What do you regret most about this year?
Letting myself get stressed out easily, lifes too short...chill!
4. Did you stick to your new years resolutions? If so, what were they?
Was to pass first year of Uni, which I did. I probably wanted to lose weight and cut down alcohol but hey, lifes too short!
5. What was your favourite song of 2009?
Absolutely love 'Red' by Daniel Merriweather
6. Which band/ artist did you discover/ fall in love with this year?
Not sure, wasn't that many great bands, just the odd fantastic song!
7. Who are you most proud of this year and why? (can be a family member/ friend or a famous person!)
Loads of people have made me proud for different things, parents and kids who are ill cope so well, a friend for being so strong when she lost her daughter
8. Did you do anything new or do something for the first time this year?
Went to theatres, actually looked forward to going to work (yes, really...)
9. Have you learnt anything new about yourself in 2009?
I might not make such a crap nurse after all...maybe. I learnt that I'm far more controlled with my emotions than I thought and that actually, it's OK to cry.
Also, that my spatial awareness is even worse than I thought, honestly, it's appauling!
10. What has your relationship status been like throughthe year? Did you find that 'special someone'?
Didn't find that 'special someone', heres hoping to meet him in 2010, a nice paramedic perhaps!
11. What do you want to do in 2010? What, if any, new years resolutions will you be making?
Finish last year of uni, go somewhere on holiday, lose some weight, visit Holy Island, take more photos, read the Twilight books, try and get more sleep, drink more water, have more day trips to nice places, try and do *some* exercise, keep smiling and keep on having fun!
Finally.... sum up you year in a few sentences!
FAN-BLOODY-TASTIC. Hard at times, pushed myself to my limits and there has been tears, but these have been far outweighed by the smiles and laughs. Realise how lucky I have to have such amazing family and friends, and have finally found the career that I love more than I ever thought I would! Only thing is, it doesn't seem like a whole year has passed, I must be getting old!
To people who bother reading this, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! All the best for 2010 - hope it's a fantastic year for you all!
Big love xxx
Thursday 31 December 2009
Wednesday 9 December 2009
And THAT is why I want to be a nurse!
Ahhhh sorry it's been a while, have been so busy and with working five days a week, and trying to do Uni work I've never really had chance to catch up, but here I am!
So, the title of this blog? Ever get a day, or even just a moment, when all the hard work, all the tears and all the stress finally pay off? Even if it's just for a split second, when you think 'wow, that is exactly why I want to come in to this career?'
Well I had one yesterday and, actually it almost had me in tears, which is not like me! As I'm on a really small ward, and there are hardly any patients at the mo, it's very easy to get attached to the kids that are there, and, well, I totally have got attached to this one boy and I want to take him home with me! He's had a bit of a tough life in terms of his health so far, but I won't say any more, so as to not identify him. He had an operation yesterday, and I stayed right through with him, and was there when he woke up in recovery and I swear it almost broke my heart. He was surrounded by doctors and nurses he didn't know (theatre staff) and he was really agitated and scared, but then he looked up and saw me, recognised who I was and was calling me by this pet name he has for me, and telling me to make it stop hurting and get 'them' the stop what they were doing (just doing obs and stuff, but he didn't understand, he's only 8). Anyway he was reaching out for my hand, so I just held it for him, was stroking his hair and it settled him down, and it was just such an amazing feeling, to be able to do actually feel like I was helping. He kept on looking up, checking I was still there, then settling back down, he's just so lovely. The theatre staff kept saying stuff like 'oh he must really like you' and 'you must have a good bond' and it made me nearly cry. I know that sounds like I'm being really big headed, but I swear, I'm really not. It just hit me with a load of poweful emotions, I was feeling really protective of him, and it felt like I was the only one in that room, who could make it better, and that is one of the reasons I came in to nursing, to help people. I say protective too, as I was told off for holding his hand, for 'health and safety' by a nurse who had obviously never worked with kids, and whilst I do respect that there are rules, I felt like if I stopped holding his hand he'd get more upset and probably try to climb off the bed, hurting himself in the process. So it was probably the first time, ever, that I didn't do as I was told, as I didn't think it would benefit my patient at all.
Anyway, sorry about that massive boring bit just there, I wanted to write it down so if I had a rubbish day, I could look back and use it as a reminder as to why I love this job so much!
What else have I been up to? I finished my essay, at long last. Have just handed it in. I don't think I've done very well to be honest, but I'm just aiming for a pass. When I did my first degree, it was always put on you to get 60 or above (i.e. a 2:1) but this time, I really honestly am over the moon with the minimum pass mark of 50. Like I think I've said before, I don't think essays and exams make you a nurse - being there, looking after patients and following your instincts make you a good nurse. Exams and essay marks are just numbers on a piece of paper, and as long as I get a pass, I don't care.
So anyway, my ward is tiny. I switch my time between the ward and spending time with the specialist nurses. I know when I first started, it was slow and it was, dare I say it...boring? But I made a decision to not focus on all the negatives but to really go for it and try everything I could, and see everything in a positive light, and you know what? It worked! I'm having a ball, I really am enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would and I've learnt LOADS! I think it goes to show that, not only does having a good mentor make or break a placement, and that's nothing you can control BUT a positive mental attitude can really make a placement fantastic! I mean, you can have the best ward ever, but if you go in thinking it'll be crap, then in all likelihood, it probably will be! Whereas if you get a ward that you're not sure of to start with, if you give it your all and decide to get as much as you can out of it, you can make such a difference! I finish placement next week and I already don't want to go! I'm going to miss the kids to much!
Apart from nursey stuff, I'm finally starting to look forward to Christmas! Now that the essay is in I can really chill and enjoy the run up to Christmas day! Most presents bought and wrapped, only have a few more things to buy...everything is good!
I was just thinking the other day as well, I'll have been in training for almost a year, and looking back, I can't believe how much I've changed, how much I've learnt and how much I've loved every minute of it, even the crap times! I wouldn't change it for the world and I still feel so thankful, everyday, for being lucky enough to be given the chance to do this!
So, the title of this blog? Ever get a day, or even just a moment, when all the hard work, all the tears and all the stress finally pay off? Even if it's just for a split second, when you think 'wow, that is exactly why I want to come in to this career?'
Well I had one yesterday and, actually it almost had me in tears, which is not like me! As I'm on a really small ward, and there are hardly any patients at the mo, it's very easy to get attached to the kids that are there, and, well, I totally have got attached to this one boy and I want to take him home with me! He's had a bit of a tough life in terms of his health so far, but I won't say any more, so as to not identify him. He had an operation yesterday, and I stayed right through with him, and was there when he woke up in recovery and I swear it almost broke my heart. He was surrounded by doctors and nurses he didn't know (theatre staff) and he was really agitated and scared, but then he looked up and saw me, recognised who I was and was calling me by this pet name he has for me, and telling me to make it stop hurting and get 'them' the stop what they were doing (just doing obs and stuff, but he didn't understand, he's only 8). Anyway he was reaching out for my hand, so I just held it for him, was stroking his hair and it settled him down, and it was just such an amazing feeling, to be able to do actually feel like I was helping. He kept on looking up, checking I was still there, then settling back down, he's just so lovely. The theatre staff kept saying stuff like 'oh he must really like you' and 'you must have a good bond' and it made me nearly cry. I know that sounds like I'm being really big headed, but I swear, I'm really not. It just hit me with a load of poweful emotions, I was feeling really protective of him, and it felt like I was the only one in that room, who could make it better, and that is one of the reasons I came in to nursing, to help people. I say protective too, as I was told off for holding his hand, for 'health and safety' by a nurse who had obviously never worked with kids, and whilst I do respect that there are rules, I felt like if I stopped holding his hand he'd get more upset and probably try to climb off the bed, hurting himself in the process. So it was probably the first time, ever, that I didn't do as I was told, as I didn't think it would benefit my patient at all.
Anyway, sorry about that massive boring bit just there, I wanted to write it down so if I had a rubbish day, I could look back and use it as a reminder as to why I love this job so much!
What else have I been up to? I finished my essay, at long last. Have just handed it in. I don't think I've done very well to be honest, but I'm just aiming for a pass. When I did my first degree, it was always put on you to get 60 or above (i.e. a 2:1) but this time, I really honestly am over the moon with the minimum pass mark of 50. Like I think I've said before, I don't think essays and exams make you a nurse - being there, looking after patients and following your instincts make you a good nurse. Exams and essay marks are just numbers on a piece of paper, and as long as I get a pass, I don't care.
So anyway, my ward is tiny. I switch my time between the ward and spending time with the specialist nurses. I know when I first started, it was slow and it was, dare I say it...boring? But I made a decision to not focus on all the negatives but to really go for it and try everything I could, and see everything in a positive light, and you know what? It worked! I'm having a ball, I really am enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would and I've learnt LOADS! I think it goes to show that, not only does having a good mentor make or break a placement, and that's nothing you can control BUT a positive mental attitude can really make a placement fantastic! I mean, you can have the best ward ever, but if you go in thinking it'll be crap, then in all likelihood, it probably will be! Whereas if you get a ward that you're not sure of to start with, if you give it your all and decide to get as much as you can out of it, you can make such a difference! I finish placement next week and I already don't want to go! I'm going to miss the kids to much!
Apart from nursey stuff, I'm finally starting to look forward to Christmas! Now that the essay is in I can really chill and enjoy the run up to Christmas day! Most presents bought and wrapped, only have a few more things to buy...everything is good!
I was just thinking the other day as well, I'll have been in training for almost a year, and looking back, I can't believe how much I've changed, how much I've learnt and how much I've loved every minute of it, even the crap times! I wouldn't change it for the world and I still feel so thankful, everyday, for being lucky enough to be given the chance to do this!
Tuesday 17 November 2009
WOOOO!!!
I PASSED!
I BLOODY PASSED THAT EXAM!!!
SO happy! It's been a bit of a tough day but more about that when I have time to write a proper blog! I'm just so happy, can't believe I passed and I think they've made a mistake, but shhhh...let's not tell them they've got me mixed up with someone else!
I BLOODY PASSED THAT EXAM!!!
SO happy! It's been a bit of a tough day but more about that when I have time to write a proper blog! I'm just so happy, can't believe I passed and I think they've made a mistake, but shhhh...let's not tell them they've got me mixed up with someone else!
Monday 9 November 2009
Still Smiling...Just!
I went to my exam. I almost didn't go. I had a major panic and ended up going to see my tutor the day before just to let her know that I wasn't going to turn up. I feel soooo daft about it now but hand on heart, I felt adamant that I would be wasting my time by going as I simply am not clever enough. My tutor was amazing though, from what I can remember her saying (I was in a bit of a state by this point!) She was lovely.
So anyway, I went, it took everything in me to go, which sounds ridiculous as it is JUST AN EXAM. I know, but four hours sitting in a room, with not a clue as to what you're doing is pretty tough going, and if I'm honest I was getting myself so worked up, I was getting palpitations for about a week before, and at the start of the exam I was breathing like an idiot I was going dizzy and could barely remember my own name, let alone anything else.
Before you say it, I'm a stupid idiot, I KNOW!!!
BUT I did it! As one of my friend in my tutor group said, it was 'horrendous' and I could not actually think of a better word for it myself, so I'll steal hers. It sums it up perfectly. I know it sounds horrible, but a lot of the other people found it harder than they were expecting, and if I was the only one I'd feel more worried. That said, I would so much rather for them that they all found it easy, as then they'd pass with flying colours!
Anyhoo, preparing myself for the resit cos there is no way in this world that I have scraped a pass. Honestly. It's strange though cos, at the moment I'm feeling a bit more calm, so when I need to retake it I'm hoping I'll still feel calm. It's a bit like a driving test, when you're doing your first one you're so stressed about the fear of it all, that you make stupid mistake, well I did anyway...so I'm hoping the resit will be less stressful as it's not fear of the unknown, if that makes sense? That said I did take 6 attempts to pass my driving test, and I'm only allowed one resit, so I hope I can pull myself together in time!
For other news, I started a new placement today and as much as I am trying not to judge it all now, I do admit, I feel a bit let down. It's such a slow ward, with two patients and two nurses (and two student nurses!) that it seems like there is nothing to do. I was so bored today I volunteered to clean stuff. I know that's an important role of a nurse, infection control, but I really really am so desperate to be hands on and DO STUFF!!! I will go crazy if I can't at least feel like I'm getting better, if it continues this way it will feel like a step backward, and I'm determined not to do that as I'd just let myself down, so I will FIGHT to make things better! I'll volunteer to do anything! Actually, it was only my first day so I'm sure things will improve, but the other student on the ward is a friend, and we had so much time to talk about stuff today (as there was no work to be done...) that I think we might have thought about things too much? Anyway, will try harder not be too quick to judge and will get as much as I can out of this placement! I'm trying to be positive, so that's what I'm doing! PLus everyone there is really nice, so I'm sure there is a lot to be learnt on this ward, so I will just keep smiling :o)
So anyway, I went, it took everything in me to go, which sounds ridiculous as it is JUST AN EXAM. I know, but four hours sitting in a room, with not a clue as to what you're doing is pretty tough going, and if I'm honest I was getting myself so worked up, I was getting palpitations for about a week before, and at the start of the exam I was breathing like an idiot I was going dizzy and could barely remember my own name, let alone anything else.
Before you say it, I'm a stupid idiot, I KNOW!!!
BUT I did it! As one of my friend in my tutor group said, it was 'horrendous' and I could not actually think of a better word for it myself, so I'll steal hers. It sums it up perfectly. I know it sounds horrible, but a lot of the other people found it harder than they were expecting, and if I was the only one I'd feel more worried. That said, I would so much rather for them that they all found it easy, as then they'd pass with flying colours!
Anyhoo, preparing myself for the resit cos there is no way in this world that I have scraped a pass. Honestly. It's strange though cos, at the moment I'm feeling a bit more calm, so when I need to retake it I'm hoping I'll still feel calm. It's a bit like a driving test, when you're doing your first one you're so stressed about the fear of it all, that you make stupid mistake, well I did anyway...so I'm hoping the resit will be less stressful as it's not fear of the unknown, if that makes sense? That said I did take 6 attempts to pass my driving test, and I'm only allowed one resit, so I hope I can pull myself together in time!
For other news, I started a new placement today and as much as I am trying not to judge it all now, I do admit, I feel a bit let down. It's such a slow ward, with two patients and two nurses (and two student nurses!) that it seems like there is nothing to do. I was so bored today I volunteered to clean stuff. I know that's an important role of a nurse, infection control, but I really really am so desperate to be hands on and DO STUFF!!! I will go crazy if I can't at least feel like I'm getting better, if it continues this way it will feel like a step backward, and I'm determined not to do that as I'd just let myself down, so I will FIGHT to make things better! I'll volunteer to do anything! Actually, it was only my first day so I'm sure things will improve, but the other student on the ward is a friend, and we had so much time to talk about stuff today (as there was no work to be done...) that I think we might have thought about things too much? Anyway, will try harder not be too quick to judge and will get as much as I can out of this placement! I'm trying to be positive, so that's what I'm doing! PLus everyone there is really nice, so I'm sure there is a lot to be learnt on this ward, so I will just keep smiling :o)
Wednesday 4 November 2009
Sunday 25 October 2009
Reality Bites
OK so I think reality has hit home. As much as I LOVE placements, reality has come knocking and I need to be good at essays and exams.
For me, being a good nurse is NOT about writing essays, NOT about writing a critique about papers, and NOT about being good at exams.
Being a nurse is about seeing your patients and treating them well, noticing when they need medical assistance or simply need an ear and a word of care.
SO WHY AM I FORCED TO DO STUPID ESSAYS AND EXAMS?!
Seriously, I'm being forced in to being a research person. If I wanted to be a researcher I would apply to do a research course. It's so ridiculous.
I am trying SO hard to do research, like we've been told to do, when really, it feels so false. I want to be a nurse, not a researcher.
Everytime I try to do this work, I get annoyed and frustrated at my self and literally fight the urge to rip the papers in half. I would seriously, not be surprised at myself if I walked out during the exam. It's too much to ask for someone who wants to be a nurse, to sit there for FOUR hours, and critique a paper...I WANT TO BE A NURSE NOT A RESEARCHER. Why can't they get it.
It's times like these that I think, yes, I want to do a course which is less demanding, less stressful and although it takes me longer, I will become a nurse.
That's all I want, to be a nurse. What's so wrong with that?!
For me, being a good nurse is NOT about writing essays, NOT about writing a critique about papers, and NOT about being good at exams.
Being a nurse is about seeing your patients and treating them well, noticing when they need medical assistance or simply need an ear and a word of care.
SO WHY AM I FORCED TO DO STUPID ESSAYS AND EXAMS?!
Seriously, I'm being forced in to being a research person. If I wanted to be a researcher I would apply to do a research course. It's so ridiculous.
I am trying SO hard to do research, like we've been told to do, when really, it feels so false. I want to be a nurse, not a researcher.
Everytime I try to do this work, I get annoyed and frustrated at my self and literally fight the urge to rip the papers in half. I would seriously, not be surprised at myself if I walked out during the exam. It's too much to ask for someone who wants to be a nurse, to sit there for FOUR hours, and critique a paper...I WANT TO BE A NURSE NOT A RESEARCHER. Why can't they get it.
It's times like these that I think, yes, I want to do a course which is less demanding, less stressful and although it takes me longer, I will become a nurse.
That's all I want, to be a nurse. What's so wrong with that?!
Saturday 17 October 2009
Just Gotta Make A Post!
Ahhh I just had to make a post because I'm so super excited and smiley and feel like I am so happy with things at the moment, I'm doing the right thing and I'm just relieved/happy/excited...ok that was a major use of the word 'happy' but it's too late to think of another word. Basically, I really feel like things are finally going right!
So, I finished my placement on Wednesday (I passed! WOO!) and I dunno what it was with the last couple of weeks, but I finally felt like things 'clicked' and I felt a bit more confident when I was there, and that was probably due to the fact that the nursing team was so fantastic, it would have been hard to NOT feel positive there! I wish so much that I had a couple more weeks there so I could have reached my full potential (unless I'd already reached it haha!) but you know when you get the feeling that maybe you could have done better? Maybe another 2 weeks would have made no difference, but I just really loved being there so much towards the end, that I could quite happily have stayed there forever! On my last day my mentor brought in cake, which was just the sweetest thing ever! My only regret is that I had a wobble at the start and I think it set me back a bit, but I'm getting there! Just loved it so much at the end! I don't want to go back to Uni!
As for other things, I'm nowhere near getting my essay done, nor revising as much for the exam, but I'm hoping that when I go back to Uni I will switch back to 'work mode' and get it done. I feel like I need a couple of days where I don't need to do anything, and can just chill out, so I plan to make the most of my last weekend of freedom til I'm back at Uni! Even if that does mean a weekend of X Factor, eating nice nibbles, and reading my chick lit book, I think it will do me the world of good and I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend spending time with my family and friends, which I feel like I've abandoned a bit these last few weeks!
What else was I going to say? OHHHH yeah! I got details of my new placement, and whilst I've no idea what the ward does (as it's not actually opened yet, hope it's openend by November!) it is in the hospital I have just been in, right next door to my most recent placement (which I loved...did I mention?!) and one of the things I get stressy about is driving to places, so the fact that it's in the same hospital, I know how to get there and can use public transport, which is less stressful...it's all good! I think it's a renal ward, which does interest me as I touched on it a bit in my last placement, so I'm so ridiculously excited! I just hope it doesn't get changed cos apparently they sometimes can. Hope it doesn't change, plus one of my friends on the course, and it's a VERY small child branch group, is on the same ward so I'm really really really happy about that! She's so lovely it'll be so nice to work with her!
Right I'd better go! I don't think I'll sleep as I'm so happy! You know when you get the feeling that you're really happy and satisfied with life? It rarely comes along so I'm going to enjoy it while I can :o)
Na-night!
So, I finished my placement on Wednesday (I passed! WOO!) and I dunno what it was with the last couple of weeks, but I finally felt like things 'clicked' and I felt a bit more confident when I was there, and that was probably due to the fact that the nursing team was so fantastic, it would have been hard to NOT feel positive there! I wish so much that I had a couple more weeks there so I could have reached my full potential (unless I'd already reached it haha!) but you know when you get the feeling that maybe you could have done better? Maybe another 2 weeks would have made no difference, but I just really loved being there so much towards the end, that I could quite happily have stayed there forever! On my last day my mentor brought in cake, which was just the sweetest thing ever! My only regret is that I had a wobble at the start and I think it set me back a bit, but I'm getting there! Just loved it so much at the end! I don't want to go back to Uni!
As for other things, I'm nowhere near getting my essay done, nor revising as much for the exam, but I'm hoping that when I go back to Uni I will switch back to 'work mode' and get it done. I feel like I need a couple of days where I don't need to do anything, and can just chill out, so I plan to make the most of my last weekend of freedom til I'm back at Uni! Even if that does mean a weekend of X Factor, eating nice nibbles, and reading my chick lit book, I think it will do me the world of good and I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend spending time with my family and friends, which I feel like I've abandoned a bit these last few weeks!
What else was I going to say? OHHHH yeah! I got details of my new placement, and whilst I've no idea what the ward does (as it's not actually opened yet, hope it's openend by November!) it is in the hospital I have just been in, right next door to my most recent placement (which I loved...did I mention?!) and one of the things I get stressy about is driving to places, so the fact that it's in the same hospital, I know how to get there and can use public transport, which is less stressful...it's all good! I think it's a renal ward, which does interest me as I touched on it a bit in my last placement, so I'm so ridiculously excited! I just hope it doesn't get changed cos apparently they sometimes can. Hope it doesn't change, plus one of my friends on the course, and it's a VERY small child branch group, is on the same ward so I'm really really really happy about that! She's so lovely it'll be so nice to work with her!
Right I'd better go! I don't think I'll sleep as I'm so happy! You know when you get the feeling that you're really happy and satisfied with life? It rarely comes along so I'm going to enjoy it while I can :o)
Na-night!
Tuesday 13 October 2009
Last day tomorrow...
...and I dooooon't waaannttt tooooo leeeaavveee!!! :o(
Also did my stint in oncology which was possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to do. BUT. I. DID. IT!
Anyway so yeah, don't want to leave and don't want to go back to Uni. Why can't placements be, like, 95% of the course, with as few lectures as possible?!
PS. Lets just hope I actually pass the placement, I always, always doubt that I have been good enough.
Also did my stint in oncology which was possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to do. BUT. I. DID. IT!
Anyway so yeah, don't want to leave and don't want to go back to Uni. Why can't placements be, like, 95% of the course, with as few lectures as possible?!
PS. Lets just hope I actually pass the placement, I always, always doubt that I have been good enough.
Sunday 11 October 2009
Mixed Feelings
It's my last week at placement this week and I have to say I'm getting mixed feelings about it all!
On one hand I'll be glad to finish, it wasn't the greatest placement but not because of the ward or the people but just cos of me, doubting myself and second guessing everything I did. On the other hand there is a really big part of me that will be sad to finish, all the staff are lovely and it's a difficult ward to get used to, and now that I'm beginning to feel as though I'm getting into the swing of things, I've got to leave! Actually I think I'll be a lot more sad than glad to finish :o( Ahh well, that's student life for you!
Thinking about it, I feel a bit like I can't let myself relax on this placement, and that is simply because I'm beginning to feel a bit stressed with the fact that I have SO much work to do, it's ridiculous. I've got an essay and an exam to revise for, all happening in the 3 weeks at Uni between this placement and the next one. I think I feel like I'm maybe seeing this placement as something I need to do and be over with, before I can really get stuck in to the work I need to do. That's not to say I haven't tried to do work, but, at the moment my priority is this placement, and so as a result I've been putting off doing work. It's hard to juggle time when you're at work 4 long days a week, and need to find a couple of days off in a row to get really into the work. I'm thinking (and hoping!) that once this placement is done, I will be able to really get on with the work I need to do. It's a bit like when you're at work and you're counting down to a holiday, whilst you're still enjoying work you want it to be over soon so you can go on holiday...if that makes sense? Only I'm not going on holiday, I'm going back to Uni, which sucks.
As for next week, I'm doing something either brave or ridicuously stupid. I asked to spend a day on an oncology ward, which is the area of nursing that upsets me most. I'd been thinking, and if I don't take a step towards hardening myself up against this kind of tihng, then I won't make a good nurse. I want to be able to look after all kids, including those with cancer, and if I get upset too easily, then I won't be giving the best possible care, so I'm hoping that this will help. Well that's my theory anyway.
I'll wrap this up, it's a short little post so makes a change from my usual blabbering rubbish! I've been doing long division all weekend, in a hopeless attempt to learn to do drug calculations, and I needed a break from numbers so I thought I'd make a blog post!
On one hand I'll be glad to finish, it wasn't the greatest placement but not because of the ward or the people but just cos of me, doubting myself and second guessing everything I did. On the other hand there is a really big part of me that will be sad to finish, all the staff are lovely and it's a difficult ward to get used to, and now that I'm beginning to feel as though I'm getting into the swing of things, I've got to leave! Actually I think I'll be a lot more sad than glad to finish :o( Ahh well, that's student life for you!
Thinking about it, I feel a bit like I can't let myself relax on this placement, and that is simply because I'm beginning to feel a bit stressed with the fact that I have SO much work to do, it's ridiculous. I've got an essay and an exam to revise for, all happening in the 3 weeks at Uni between this placement and the next one. I think I feel like I'm maybe seeing this placement as something I need to do and be over with, before I can really get stuck in to the work I need to do. That's not to say I haven't tried to do work, but, at the moment my priority is this placement, and so as a result I've been putting off doing work. It's hard to juggle time when you're at work 4 long days a week, and need to find a couple of days off in a row to get really into the work. I'm thinking (and hoping!) that once this placement is done, I will be able to really get on with the work I need to do. It's a bit like when you're at work and you're counting down to a holiday, whilst you're still enjoying work you want it to be over soon so you can go on holiday...if that makes sense? Only I'm not going on holiday, I'm going back to Uni, which sucks.
As for next week, I'm doing something either brave or ridicuously stupid. I asked to spend a day on an oncology ward, which is the area of nursing that upsets me most. I'd been thinking, and if I don't take a step towards hardening myself up against this kind of tihng, then I won't make a good nurse. I want to be able to look after all kids, including those with cancer, and if I get upset too easily, then I won't be giving the best possible care, so I'm hoping that this will help. Well that's my theory anyway.
I'll wrap this up, it's a short little post so makes a change from my usual blabbering rubbish! I've been doing long division all weekend, in a hopeless attempt to learn to do drug calculations, and I needed a break from numbers so I thought I'd make a blog post!
Saturday 26 September 2009
Mahoosive Blog Entry
Righto, this is probably going to be a massive entry, so you have been warned! I think it's going to be a mish-mash of how I'm feeling and how things are going so I'll apologise in advance if it makes no sense whatsoever.
So, ok, I've been having a rough patch. Or should that be another rough patch? I'll try and explain, as, basically it's all my fault and if I'm honest I'm feeling so stupid about it all. This is in an attempt to explain the negative-ness of my last post and how things are right now.
It started with a rubbish day, one Saturday. I seemed to be working with all the difficult patients, ones that aren't straight forward and ones that I can't really 'fix'. I was having a bit of a hard day, which kept going wrong and was making be feel...shit basically. Then I had a patient in to get some blood pressure readings, and I was asked to take their BP, which is fine but that is literally the one thing I struggle with SO much. I've previously spoke to my mentor about how I needed to clinch this BP thing, and she's sent me to do loads, bless her, she's tried to make me feel better about it by getting me practice, practice, practice! So anyway, trying to be positive I'm thinking 'ok, it's just more practice' so I tried to take this blood pressure, when the scary mother was telling me I was doing it all wrong, I wasn't putting the cuff on properly, I was useless...basically she was scary and had found the part that I was least confident in. I'm sure she didn't mean to upset me of make me lose even more of my little confidence, but, well she did. :o( It really doesn't take much these days. And I feel SO sure I *was* doing it right, but when there is a scary woman telling you you're not, no matter how little medical training she might have had, I still stress like an idiot! Ended up getting a proper nurse to do it. Hmmm.
To top the day off we had oncology patients in too. I looked after one who had cancer (hate that word) twice when he was younger, and was given the 5 year all clear at Christmas, and 5 year all clear is meant to be great, but he was back as he'd been diagnosed again, and I just felt SO ridiculously sorry for him. His mam was saying how hopeful she was when he'd been cancer free for 5 years, then to be diagnosed again she was inconsoleable. Actually maybe I shouldn't chat to families so much and ask so many questions, as it really does give you an insider snippet to their lives and sometimes that's just so hard for them. After that, I saw this little girl, about 5 or 6, who I wasn't looking after, scream the place down as she didn't want to be here, and she was in a pretty little white dress, with a hair band on and no hair, and oh my god, it literally nearly broke my heart. I almost walked then. It was just so unfair for her.
So anyhoo, I was off Sunday, then back in Monday, and to be fair, looking back, it was a bad day. You know one of those days when nothing goes right? I remember thinking loads of little things were going wrong, but I couldn't tell you what they were, maybe it was just ME feeling like I was doing everything wrong when in fact I wasn't being a crap as I felt I was? Or maybe I was just being useless? After everthign was going wrong, the icing on the cake was when I was meant to be going somewhere else in the hospital to watch a scan, and basically, my spatial awareness is crap and I get lost, so I got lost, then found the place I was meant to be, but got there too late so missed the scans and was told to come back another day, and that, ridiculous as it was, was the straw that broke the camels back, as it were, as I found myself waiting at the lifts for one to come down, and just crying like an idiot...AND I DON'T CRY!!! Literally had to wait for 3 lifts to come up and down too. But it was just too much. I managed to finish my shift even if it did mean I escape to the toilet a few times for a cry, and managed not to cry in front of anyone, as that is my greatest phobia, I can't cry in front of others, it makes me feel vulnerable and weak. I don't know if that's daft but I just can't show that much emotion to others.
That night I was feeling so crap, so pathetic and so ridiculous, so I decided to email my tutor to ask about other courses at Uni which would allow me to still become a nurse but only not as quickly. I really do feel that the accellerated course is just TOO much for someone as useless as me. My tutor rang the following day to say she'd come and visit BUT at that point I'd managed to put myself out there and have a chat to my mentor, which I wouldn't normally do so I felt a bit better at overcoming a little barrier. I told my mentor that I was really doubting everything, that I wasn't doubting my need/want to be a nurse as I absolutely loved what I was doing, but more doubting my ability to be a good nurse. I have to say I am so lucky as my mentor was ABSOLUTELY brilliant, she was amazing, she decided that we needed to make an action plan about what I needed to do to make things better and make me a better student nurse, and we wrote it all down, and I went home that night feeling SO much better, I was so much happier and it was all down to having such a fabulous mentor!
Fast forward to when my tutor came to visit, and it ended up me feeling like crap again. I felt worse after she left, not better. I know it wasn't because of my tutor as she's lovely, I feel like it's my fault and that I should have talked to my mentor first, and not bothered my uni tutor. I regret SO much that I sent her an email when I was stressed, tired, emotional and fed up. I just seriously didn't know who else to email, when I should have just not reached out for help and got on with it, which is what I normally do. Lesson learnt.
So anyway after my tutor visited, I realised that I needed to learn to open up more and talk to my friends. This is hard because I always feel like people who are my friends are just friends cos they feel sorry for me. BUT I text the people on my course (all 8 of them haha! Small group!) asking if anyone was free to just chat the next day, some were on shift and some could chat, but it was so sweet that they even replied to me, so I felt like maybe (just maybe) I wasn't a waste of space. Anyhoo, met up with two of them and they were just SO lovely. I was so happy that people cared enough to reply to my text, but to even take the time out to come and talk things through with me...amazing. Maybe I'm not as shite as I think I am...maybe.
To wrap things up, for my last few shifts, I feel like I've turned a corner. I feel as if I really have made more effort with the relationships between me and the other staff. I know, hand on heart, I've ALWAYS done my best with patient-student nurse relationship, but I'm beginning to realise the I've maybe neglected the student nurse-staff nurse/doctor/nursery nurse/everyone else role a bit, as in, I've always thought that I'm the bottom of the bottom and I don't deserve to even talk to these people, when maybe (and just maybe) I might deserve to talk to them? Maybe not. But I'm learning now that if I at least try, it should work better and I won't feel as rubbish. Also I heard from someone that I seem to 'know' everyone from my previous ward placement and (this is HARD to say but I'll type it quickly so it doesn't matter!) so I must have been noticed for good reasons, by all people from ward clerks and cleaners to doctors and other nurses...ohhh that felt so wrong trying to make out that I have any importance!
So anyway, I have my tutor visiting on Monday and I'm ridiculously scared, I just feel like I'm wasting her time, and everyone elses. I've decided for sure that I'm staying on this course (if they'll let me! I'm SO scared I'm gonna be kicked off or something) and I acknowledge my weaknesses and what I need to work on to be the best nurse that I can. I was thinking of trying to change to a 3 year course, but, sad as it sounds, I just keep thinking of the day I got the letter to say I had a place on this course, and how I was so stupidly happy and actually cried, then packed my job in the very next day, and how much I LOVE what I'm doing, and how I LOVE the placements! I love this placement SO much, I look forward to shifts and I like helping people who need help, the only thing I really have to fix is ME. I need to be more confident, yes, I know that, but it's impossible to fix that overnight. I need to work on that, and I will do.
It would be the biggest regret to fail in a 'job' that I LOVE more than anything I've ever loved, because I don't have the confidence. Now that would be the biggest shame in the world so I won't let it happen, I'll fight all the way. I just feel so lucky that I've found something I love, not many people can say they enjoy their work can they?
Anyway it's time I finished this post, basically I've typed everything that is going on in my head, and sometimes I check my posts through to spelling mistakes and all that but tonight I'm not because I just want to put all these thoughts out there so they're no longer in my head and hopefully I will have the best nights sleep ever tonight!
I don't expect anyone to even read this, it's more for me, and it feels pretty good to get it all down in words, I'm sure there is a nursing term for this....REFLECTION!
Night all xxx
So, ok, I've been having a rough patch. Or should that be another rough patch? I'll try and explain, as, basically it's all my fault and if I'm honest I'm feeling so stupid about it all. This is in an attempt to explain the negative-ness of my last post and how things are right now.
It started with a rubbish day, one Saturday. I seemed to be working with all the difficult patients, ones that aren't straight forward and ones that I can't really 'fix'. I was having a bit of a hard day, which kept going wrong and was making be feel...shit basically. Then I had a patient in to get some blood pressure readings, and I was asked to take their BP, which is fine but that is literally the one thing I struggle with SO much. I've previously spoke to my mentor about how I needed to clinch this BP thing, and she's sent me to do loads, bless her, she's tried to make me feel better about it by getting me practice, practice, practice! So anyway, trying to be positive I'm thinking 'ok, it's just more practice' so I tried to take this blood pressure, when the scary mother was telling me I was doing it all wrong, I wasn't putting the cuff on properly, I was useless...basically she was scary and had found the part that I was least confident in. I'm sure she didn't mean to upset me of make me lose even more of my little confidence, but, well she did. :o( It really doesn't take much these days. And I feel SO sure I *was* doing it right, but when there is a scary woman telling you you're not, no matter how little medical training she might have had, I still stress like an idiot! Ended up getting a proper nurse to do it. Hmmm.
To top the day off we had oncology patients in too. I looked after one who had cancer (hate that word) twice when he was younger, and was given the 5 year all clear at Christmas, and 5 year all clear is meant to be great, but he was back as he'd been diagnosed again, and I just felt SO ridiculously sorry for him. His mam was saying how hopeful she was when he'd been cancer free for 5 years, then to be diagnosed again she was inconsoleable. Actually maybe I shouldn't chat to families so much and ask so many questions, as it really does give you an insider snippet to their lives and sometimes that's just so hard for them. After that, I saw this little girl, about 5 or 6, who I wasn't looking after, scream the place down as she didn't want to be here, and she was in a pretty little white dress, with a hair band on and no hair, and oh my god, it literally nearly broke my heart. I almost walked then. It was just so unfair for her.
So anyhoo, I was off Sunday, then back in Monday, and to be fair, looking back, it was a bad day. You know one of those days when nothing goes right? I remember thinking loads of little things were going wrong, but I couldn't tell you what they were, maybe it was just ME feeling like I was doing everything wrong when in fact I wasn't being a crap as I felt I was? Or maybe I was just being useless? After everthign was going wrong, the icing on the cake was when I was meant to be going somewhere else in the hospital to watch a scan, and basically, my spatial awareness is crap and I get lost, so I got lost, then found the place I was meant to be, but got there too late so missed the scans and was told to come back another day, and that, ridiculous as it was, was the straw that broke the camels back, as it were, as I found myself waiting at the lifts for one to come down, and just crying like an idiot...AND I DON'T CRY!!! Literally had to wait for 3 lifts to come up and down too. But it was just too much. I managed to finish my shift even if it did mean I escape to the toilet a few times for a cry, and managed not to cry in front of anyone, as that is my greatest phobia, I can't cry in front of others, it makes me feel vulnerable and weak. I don't know if that's daft but I just can't show that much emotion to others.
That night I was feeling so crap, so pathetic and so ridiculous, so I decided to email my tutor to ask about other courses at Uni which would allow me to still become a nurse but only not as quickly. I really do feel that the accellerated course is just TOO much for someone as useless as me. My tutor rang the following day to say she'd come and visit BUT at that point I'd managed to put myself out there and have a chat to my mentor, which I wouldn't normally do so I felt a bit better at overcoming a little barrier. I told my mentor that I was really doubting everything, that I wasn't doubting my need/want to be a nurse as I absolutely loved what I was doing, but more doubting my ability to be a good nurse. I have to say I am so lucky as my mentor was ABSOLUTELY brilliant, she was amazing, she decided that we needed to make an action plan about what I needed to do to make things better and make me a better student nurse, and we wrote it all down, and I went home that night feeling SO much better, I was so much happier and it was all down to having such a fabulous mentor!
Fast forward to when my tutor came to visit, and it ended up me feeling like crap again. I felt worse after she left, not better. I know it wasn't because of my tutor as she's lovely, I feel like it's my fault and that I should have talked to my mentor first, and not bothered my uni tutor. I regret SO much that I sent her an email when I was stressed, tired, emotional and fed up. I just seriously didn't know who else to email, when I should have just not reached out for help and got on with it, which is what I normally do. Lesson learnt.
So anyway after my tutor visited, I realised that I needed to learn to open up more and talk to my friends. This is hard because I always feel like people who are my friends are just friends cos they feel sorry for me. BUT I text the people on my course (all 8 of them haha! Small group!) asking if anyone was free to just chat the next day, some were on shift and some could chat, but it was so sweet that they even replied to me, so I felt like maybe (just maybe) I wasn't a waste of space. Anyhoo, met up with two of them and they were just SO lovely. I was so happy that people cared enough to reply to my text, but to even take the time out to come and talk things through with me...amazing. Maybe I'm not as shite as I think I am...maybe.
To wrap things up, for my last few shifts, I feel like I've turned a corner. I feel as if I really have made more effort with the relationships between me and the other staff. I know, hand on heart, I've ALWAYS done my best with patient-student nurse relationship, but I'm beginning to realise the I've maybe neglected the student nurse-staff nurse/doctor/nursery nurse/everyone else role a bit, as in, I've always thought that I'm the bottom of the bottom and I don't deserve to even talk to these people, when maybe (and just maybe) I might deserve to talk to them? Maybe not. But I'm learning now that if I at least try, it should work better and I won't feel as rubbish. Also I heard from someone that I seem to 'know' everyone from my previous ward placement and (this is HARD to say but I'll type it quickly so it doesn't matter!) so I must have been noticed for good reasons, by all people from ward clerks and cleaners to doctors and other nurses...ohhh that felt so wrong trying to make out that I have any importance!
So anyway, I have my tutor visiting on Monday and I'm ridiculously scared, I just feel like I'm wasting her time, and everyone elses. I've decided for sure that I'm staying on this course (if they'll let me! I'm SO scared I'm gonna be kicked off or something) and I acknowledge my weaknesses and what I need to work on to be the best nurse that I can. I was thinking of trying to change to a 3 year course, but, sad as it sounds, I just keep thinking of the day I got the letter to say I had a place on this course, and how I was so stupidly happy and actually cried, then packed my job in the very next day, and how much I LOVE what I'm doing, and how I LOVE the placements! I love this placement SO much, I look forward to shifts and I like helping people who need help, the only thing I really have to fix is ME. I need to be more confident, yes, I know that, but it's impossible to fix that overnight. I need to work on that, and I will do.
It would be the biggest regret to fail in a 'job' that I LOVE more than anything I've ever loved, because I don't have the confidence. Now that would be the biggest shame in the world so I won't let it happen, I'll fight all the way. I just feel so lucky that I've found something I love, not many people can say they enjoy their work can they?
Anyway it's time I finished this post, basically I've typed everything that is going on in my head, and sometimes I check my posts through to spelling mistakes and all that but tonight I'm not because I just want to put all these thoughts out there so they're no longer in my head and hopefully I will have the best nights sleep ever tonight!
I don't expect anyone to even read this, it's more for me, and it feels pretty good to get it all down in words, I'm sure there is a nursing term for this....REFLECTION!
Night all xxx
Monday 21 September 2009
Break?
So, for the 'make or break'...could be break.
I've been trying SO hard to make this placement make me feel like I was doing ok. But facing facts, I'm not.
The shift on Saturday was SO hard, with oncology patients, and today was just horrible. I had to stop myself from crying six or seven times. I really DON'T cry. But today trying to stop the tears, it wasn't just an 'I might cry' it was more of a 'I'm going to cry, I have to keep swallowing to stop the tears from coming or look somewhere else where nobody will notice the tears in my eyes' which is actually really hard work. And for me, pathetic. In the end, I was meant to go somewhere to see a scan, for which I got lost and missed out on, then I was waiting at the lifts which took forever (just to annoy me, of course) and I was literally choking back tears, I nearly phoned my tutor then but I thought I'd get in trouble for having a phone on me. I really don't know how I got to the end of my shift to be honest. But I got my metro and tried so hard to not cry, then again driving home I was trying not to cry as it'd make everything blurry. I only really cried when I was in the shower, washing my day away. Then I just had to be ok again.
What the hell is wrong with me?! It's either just being so unhappy, disappointed and sad, or hormonal. I hope it's the latter. I can't put my finger on it. Maybe I should get a job with no responsibility. Even though I hated shop work and office work before, maybe that's all I can do and nursing is just too much for someone like me.
I've been trying SO hard to make this placement make me feel like I was doing ok. But facing facts, I'm not.
The shift on Saturday was SO hard, with oncology patients, and today was just horrible. I had to stop myself from crying six or seven times. I really DON'T cry. But today trying to stop the tears, it wasn't just an 'I might cry' it was more of a 'I'm going to cry, I have to keep swallowing to stop the tears from coming or look somewhere else where nobody will notice the tears in my eyes' which is actually really hard work. And for me, pathetic. In the end, I was meant to go somewhere to see a scan, for which I got lost and missed out on, then I was waiting at the lifts which took forever (just to annoy me, of course) and I was literally choking back tears, I nearly phoned my tutor then but I thought I'd get in trouble for having a phone on me. I really don't know how I got to the end of my shift to be honest. But I got my metro and tried so hard to not cry, then again driving home I was trying not to cry as it'd make everything blurry. I only really cried when I was in the shower, washing my day away. Then I just had to be ok again.
What the hell is wrong with me?! It's either just being so unhappy, disappointed and sad, or hormonal. I hope it's the latter. I can't put my finger on it. Maybe I should get a job with no responsibility. Even though I hated shop work and office work before, maybe that's all I can do and nursing is just too much for someone like me.
Monday 7 September 2009
Nerves Are Kicking In
I start my new placment tomorrrow and I am SO SCARED!!! It's ridiculous! I think I'm putting the pressure on, it's make or break basically. My last placement wasn't the greatest and I thought that was because I had a lot going on at the same time BUT what if it's just because I'm a rubbish nurse?! I'm pinning so much on this placement being good that I've not actually stopped to think it might not be the placements, it might be ME being rubbish.
Ohhhhh I am soooo nervous! I wish it was the end of tomorrow so I'd know how I felt! PLEASE LET IT BE A GOOD PLACEMENT!!!
Oh and I tried to break in my new shoes and ended up ripping my feet to shreds. This is not good as it now means that I'm starting a new placement feeling scared, with a bad back and with the worlds biggest blisters on both feet. Still, it could be worse...!
Ohhhhh I am soooo nervous! I wish it was the end of tomorrow so I'd know how I felt! PLEASE LET IT BE A GOOD PLACEMENT!!!
Oh and I tried to break in my new shoes and ended up ripping my feet to shreds. This is not good as it now means that I'm starting a new placement feeling scared, with a bad back and with the worlds biggest blisters on both feet. Still, it could be worse...!
Saturday 15 August 2009
Foundation Year...DONE!
I can't believe my foundation year is over! It's not strictly a year with me doing an accelerated course BUT is still feels like yesterday that I was worrying about my first day at Uni! I can't believe two placements are over and that I go in to 'branch' in September! Well actually I'm off for four weeks (YES!) have a six week placement, three weeks at Uni, six week placement then CHRISTMAS! Oh, as well as fitting in an assignment and a four hour exam (fun!) but then I will be officially half way through my course. Scary stuff!
Anyhoo I have had one week out of my four off and all I have done is work. No kidding! I feel loads better though as I was feeling as though I was really behind (mainly cos I was!) and I still feel that I'm the class dunce (cos I am!) but I feel better for being proactive and trying to work hard at catching up. Actually, I've wrote so many notes this last week I think I've done my arm in, seriously, I can't change gear properly when I'm driving as it's really sore, and even my back hurts! Oh well, it'll be worth it when I get a load of work done! I've given myself the weekend off, well that's not strictly true as I'm researching stuff for my assignment on the internet but that doesn't involve writing! We have to do our assignment on a childhood chronic condition and I'm thinking of taking a big step and doing it on a type of cancer, which is something I don't like thinking about in terms of kids, but feel that maybe I should over come that? Anyway, I've barely even started it so that might change!
What else has been going on? Ohhhh yes! We had a course night out the other week and it was so fantastic! The girls are so fabulous and lovely and I feel so lucky right now, to be doing a course I love with people who I love! Ahh I'm so soppy! Sometimes though, even now, I keep expecting the Uni to realise they've made a mistake when they sent my letter offering me a place, and maybe telling me to leave! I know it's daft but I still can't believe how lucky I was getting a place!
Righto I'd better be off, still need to get some work done, I'm here searching for journals whilst listening to good music and enjoying a nice glss of wine :o) Life is good!
Anyhoo I have had one week out of my four off and all I have done is work. No kidding! I feel loads better though as I was feeling as though I was really behind (mainly cos I was!) and I still feel that I'm the class dunce (cos I am!) but I feel better for being proactive and trying to work hard at catching up. Actually, I've wrote so many notes this last week I think I've done my arm in, seriously, I can't change gear properly when I'm driving as it's really sore, and even my back hurts! Oh well, it'll be worth it when I get a load of work done! I've given myself the weekend off, well that's not strictly true as I'm researching stuff for my assignment on the internet but that doesn't involve writing! We have to do our assignment on a childhood chronic condition and I'm thinking of taking a big step and doing it on a type of cancer, which is something I don't like thinking about in terms of kids, but feel that maybe I should over come that? Anyway, I've barely even started it so that might change!
What else has been going on? Ohhhh yes! We had a course night out the other week and it was so fantastic! The girls are so fabulous and lovely and I feel so lucky right now, to be doing a course I love with people who I love! Ahh I'm so soppy! Sometimes though, even now, I keep expecting the Uni to realise they've made a mistake when they sent my letter offering me a place, and maybe telling me to leave! I know it's daft but I still can't believe how lucky I was getting a place!
Righto I'd better be off, still need to get some work done, I'm here searching for journals whilst listening to good music and enjoying a nice glss of wine :o) Life is good!
Saturday 4 July 2009
Finally
I think I'm finally turning a corner.
I'm not feeling so low anymore. I was seriously considering leaving this course, but I'm not a quitter and I don't know what I was thinking, someone needed to slap some sense in me. I don't know if it's because my placement finished yesterday (finally!!!) or because I've managed to get a bit of work done, or because I've found out my next placement or because I finally got a half decent nights sleep or just because I'm feeling a bit like I've got rid of some of the load I've been carrying round?
I'm not the most confident person as it is and this placement and all that has happened has just stripped away all of the little confidence I had but I logged on to the placement thing today and found my next one and my tummy did a little flip, as in a 'woo hoo a nursing placement!' type thing so that must be the nurse in me, maybe I won't make such a terrible nurse?
Anyway, I'm finally getting there, turning a corner and (hopefully) looking forward to going back to Uni next week. All I need to do now is fix my essay, memorise my speech for the presentation, do some more work for another presentation...not much then!
I'm not feeling so low anymore. I was seriously considering leaving this course, but I'm not a quitter and I don't know what I was thinking, someone needed to slap some sense in me. I don't know if it's because my placement finished yesterday (finally!!!) or because I've managed to get a bit of work done, or because I've found out my next placement or because I finally got a half decent nights sleep or just because I'm feeling a bit like I've got rid of some of the load I've been carrying round?
I'm not the most confident person as it is and this placement and all that has happened has just stripped away all of the little confidence I had but I logged on to the placement thing today and found my next one and my tummy did a little flip, as in a 'woo hoo a nursing placement!' type thing so that must be the nurse in me, maybe I won't make such a terrible nurse?
Anyway, I'm finally getting there, turning a corner and (hopefully) looking forward to going back to Uni next week. All I need to do now is fix my essay, memorise my speech for the presentation, do some more work for another presentation...not much then!
Tuesday 9 June 2009
A Whole New Placement
OK, so, apologies for the lack of blog! I’ve been ridiculously busy! I’m so stressed but more about that later.
I’m on my community placement at the moment, nearly almost half way though and whilst I wouldn’t say I hated it…it’s not ‘me’. I’m not sure whether it’s because I loved my first placement so much that maybe I went in thinking I wouldn’t really like it as much, or whether it’s just not what I expected? Firstly, my mentor is absolutely lovely, she’s fab and we got on really well and she totally knows her stuff. I just feel like I’m not doing what I want to do, and actually my comment just now about going into it thinking I wouldn’t like it isn’t true, I went in thinking I’d give it my best, and I am, but I’m not getting all that much satisfaction out of it, I don’t feel ‘hands on’ I feel like an observer and in the way all the time. I mean I play with the kids and stuff, but it’s just not the same, and the days are d-r-a-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-i-n-g so slowly.
I don’t know if it’s just me, or the placement, or the amount of work I need to do (and which I’m too thick to do), but I’m just feeling really overwhelmed by it all and don’t know what I should do. I’m just feeling like I’m going to be a really crap nurse, and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t cry. Ever. But feel it at the moment. Plus there are some other things I have on top of this that I’m just getting stressed at. It’s like I just want this placement to be over so I have one less thing to worry about. PLEASE make the next few weeks fly by!!!
Anyway, sorry if this isn’t my usual happy post but I needed somewhere to write all this down. And maybe I need a good sleep. I’m finding it really hard to sleep at the moment, still there are plenty of people worse off I should just shut up and stop complaining. I’m on a course where I can learn to do a job which I am going to LOVE and I’m just having a bumpy patch at the moment. It will all be worth while, I just need to smile!
I’m on my community placement at the moment, nearly almost half way though and whilst I wouldn’t say I hated it…it’s not ‘me’. I’m not sure whether it’s because I loved my first placement so much that maybe I went in thinking I wouldn’t really like it as much, or whether it’s just not what I expected? Firstly, my mentor is absolutely lovely, she’s fab and we got on really well and she totally knows her stuff. I just feel like I’m not doing what I want to do, and actually my comment just now about going into it thinking I wouldn’t like it isn’t true, I went in thinking I’d give it my best, and I am, but I’m not getting all that much satisfaction out of it, I don’t feel ‘hands on’ I feel like an observer and in the way all the time. I mean I play with the kids and stuff, but it’s just not the same, and the days are d-r-a-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-i-n-g so slowly.
I don’t know if it’s just me, or the placement, or the amount of work I need to do (and which I’m too thick to do), but I’m just feeling really overwhelmed by it all and don’t know what I should do. I’m just feeling like I’m going to be a really crap nurse, and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t cry. Ever. But feel it at the moment. Plus there are some other things I have on top of this that I’m just getting stressed at. It’s like I just want this placement to be over so I have one less thing to worry about. PLEASE make the next few weeks fly by!!!
Anyway, sorry if this isn’t my usual happy post but I needed somewhere to write all this down. And maybe I need a good sleep. I’m finding it really hard to sleep at the moment, still there are plenty of people worse off I should just shut up and stop complaining. I’m on a course where I can learn to do a job which I am going to LOVE and I’m just having a bumpy patch at the moment. It will all be worth while, I just need to smile!
Friday 17 April 2009
End of placement, end of fun!
Last night I finished my first ever placement and I am feeling really sad! I loved it so much. LOVED IT!!! I realise that sounds pretty sad to love your job but I really did, and I’m not ashamed to admit it!
I wish I could write every little detail but it would take forever! I’ve learnt SO much. I thought I was learning stuff in the classroom at Uni, but honestly, in the placement I have learnt about 1000 times more and things you’ve read about really come together in practice. My mentor was absolutely fantastic, and I am so lucky for that. She was encouraging and helpful, explained everything and let me do more things than I was expecting!
Some parts have been so hard, such as when you get patients on the child protection list in, or when you have a kids with cancer, it’s so sad and I really do have to try not to think about things too much or I’d be a wreck! I think one thing I’ve learnt is that I am far more controlled with my emotions than I thought I’d be, and when I’m working with a family which have done something bad, I can still treat them like people, and hide what I may be feeling. I guess, or at least I hope, that’s part of being a good nurse.
Now for the best bits, and that has to be the kids! I couldn’t help getting attached to quite a few! I wanted to bring some of them home, and if I had a day off I’d wonder how they were getting on! The best bit is when you leave someone for the night, who is pretty ill and then you come in the morning and they’re bouncing around, it never ceases to amaze me! How resilient are kids, ey? I was worried before I went on placement that I’d be rubbish with children but I surprised myself by feeling completely at ease and really understanding them. It’s a relief really! Ohhhh I don’t want to go back to Uni, I want to stay on my ward forever! My mentor even said she’d give me a job there! Woo! How much I would love that! I have til January 2011 til I qualify and I know I’m wishing my life away but I want to be qualified now, have a proper job and still be loving it!
I think I’d better get going, or I’ll just turn into some super crazy hyper active loon! I’m just so so so so so happy! Hope everyone is fab, I see I’m gathering a canny few followers – thanks for your comment on the last blog Mandy I have only just noticed it! Hope Uni is going fab for you, not long to go til placement!
Much Love!
PS If you hadn’t already gathered I passed my placement! Woo hoo!!! :o)
I wish I could write every little detail but it would take forever! I’ve learnt SO much. I thought I was learning stuff in the classroom at Uni, but honestly, in the placement I have learnt about 1000 times more and things you’ve read about really come together in practice. My mentor was absolutely fantastic, and I am so lucky for that. She was encouraging and helpful, explained everything and let me do more things than I was expecting!
Some parts have been so hard, such as when you get patients on the child protection list in, or when you have a kids with cancer, it’s so sad and I really do have to try not to think about things too much or I’d be a wreck! I think one thing I’ve learnt is that I am far more controlled with my emotions than I thought I’d be, and when I’m working with a family which have done something bad, I can still treat them like people, and hide what I may be feeling. I guess, or at least I hope, that’s part of being a good nurse.
Now for the best bits, and that has to be the kids! I couldn’t help getting attached to quite a few! I wanted to bring some of them home, and if I had a day off I’d wonder how they were getting on! The best bit is when you leave someone for the night, who is pretty ill and then you come in the morning and they’re bouncing around, it never ceases to amaze me! How resilient are kids, ey? I was worried before I went on placement that I’d be rubbish with children but I surprised myself by feeling completely at ease and really understanding them. It’s a relief really! Ohhhh I don’t want to go back to Uni, I want to stay on my ward forever! My mentor even said she’d give me a job there! Woo! How much I would love that! I have til January 2011 til I qualify and I know I’m wishing my life away but I want to be qualified now, have a proper job and still be loving it!
I think I’d better get going, or I’ll just turn into some super crazy hyper active loon! I’m just so so so so so happy! Hope everyone is fab, I see I’m gathering a canny few followers – thanks for your comment on the last blog Mandy I have only just noticed it! Hope Uni is going fab for you, not long to go til placement!
Much Love!
PS If you hadn’t already gathered I passed my placement! Woo hoo!!! :o)
Saturday 21 March 2009
Sad, but I love going in to work!
It's been a while since I last posted, but I've been so busy on my placement! I know it's sad, but I really love it. I look forward to going in to work, I wonder how patients and their families are when I'm not there, and I am enjoying it so much the time is flying! Seriously, I start at 7.30am but get there a bit earlier, and before I know it, I look at the clock and it's 11am, then I look again after dinner and it's 3pm then it's 6pm then it's home time at 8! I feel really really lucky that I've found something I loved and I'm not taking any of my opportunities for granted!
I know some people I've been talking to have said 'the novelty of early morning and long hours will wear off' but I'm not going to think so negatively! At this very moment I am loving it and I hope it will stay that way! Also, not only have I been on the wards I've also had some fantastic chances to experience others things! I went out for the day with a specialist nurse earlier on in the week, and today I was in theatre for the whole day!
First up the specialist nurse, she was lovely and I learnt so much. I think mostly it was how other health professionals can work together as a team, for one common aim, and that is to help a particular patient. It doesn't mean massive things they do, but each individual seperate thing can make the world of difference, and as they get to see their patients long term, I can see how it can be a veryt rewarding job. I'm not sure if it is something I would like to do, not once I qualify, but maybe later on after a few years on the wards. It's something to think about for sure.
Next is the theatres. I was in all day today and I loved it! I really thought I've be squeamish and worried about everything but I found myself getting really 'stuck in' quite literally! I was just expecting to be standing back and watching from a distance - which I did at first - but then they asked if I'd like to scrub in on the next operation so I could get nearer to the patient and see everything, then be the end of the day I was holding clamps and put in charge of suction, it was fantastic! I really enjoyed it and actually surprised myself as I wasn't put off by anything at all. It was really nice (although this sounds sick!) but it was nice to see all sorts of organs and body parts in the 'flesh' as it made them so much more real! I know that sounds daft but it really is the case! As for a career as a scrub nurse? I don't think it's really me to be honest. I mean don't get me wrong I really did get a lot from it, but I felt like the person underneath the covers, wasn't a 'person' more a 'body' and I much prefer the contact with patients on a ward, you see them as people, you get to know them, you can tell if they're not ok, you genuinely care for them, and I feel like I get a lot more from this kind of thing than from seeing them being operated on. That's certainly no disrespect for scrub nurses, nor surgeons, they all do an amazing job and they're very very clever people. I just feel it wouldn't suit 'me' and who I am.
Anyway, I'm going to have to finish there, I've been up since 5am and it's almost 1am the next day! I tell you, I appreciate my days off SO much more! I really make an effort to do things when I'm not in work, that said sometimes it's nice to chill out in the garden with a nice book (oh how I miss that!) especially as it's been so nice, sunny and warm here lately, apparently, I wouldn't know I've been stuck in a hospital with it being dark when I set off in the morning and dark when I get home! Oh well, I can honestly say I wouldn't change it for the world!
I know some people I've been talking to have said 'the novelty of early morning and long hours will wear off' but I'm not going to think so negatively! At this very moment I am loving it and I hope it will stay that way! Also, not only have I been on the wards I've also had some fantastic chances to experience others things! I went out for the day with a specialist nurse earlier on in the week, and today I was in theatre for the whole day!
First up the specialist nurse, she was lovely and I learnt so much. I think mostly it was how other health professionals can work together as a team, for one common aim, and that is to help a particular patient. It doesn't mean massive things they do, but each individual seperate thing can make the world of difference, and as they get to see their patients long term, I can see how it can be a veryt rewarding job. I'm not sure if it is something I would like to do, not once I qualify, but maybe later on after a few years on the wards. It's something to think about for sure.
Next is the theatres. I was in all day today and I loved it! I really thought I've be squeamish and worried about everything but I found myself getting really 'stuck in' quite literally! I was just expecting to be standing back and watching from a distance - which I did at first - but then they asked if I'd like to scrub in on the next operation so I could get nearer to the patient and see everything, then be the end of the day I was holding clamps and put in charge of suction, it was fantastic! I really enjoyed it and actually surprised myself as I wasn't put off by anything at all. It was really nice (although this sounds sick!) but it was nice to see all sorts of organs and body parts in the 'flesh' as it made them so much more real! I know that sounds daft but it really is the case! As for a career as a scrub nurse? I don't think it's really me to be honest. I mean don't get me wrong I really did get a lot from it, but I felt like the person underneath the covers, wasn't a 'person' more a 'body' and I much prefer the contact with patients on a ward, you see them as people, you get to know them, you can tell if they're not ok, you genuinely care for them, and I feel like I get a lot more from this kind of thing than from seeing them being operated on. That's certainly no disrespect for scrub nurses, nor surgeons, they all do an amazing job and they're very very clever people. I just feel it wouldn't suit 'me' and who I am.
Anyway, I'm going to have to finish there, I've been up since 5am and it's almost 1am the next day! I tell you, I appreciate my days off SO much more! I really make an effort to do things when I'm not in work, that said sometimes it's nice to chill out in the garden with a nice book (oh how I miss that!) especially as it's been so nice, sunny and warm here lately, apparently, I wouldn't know I've been stuck in a hospital with it being dark when I set off in the morning and dark when I get home! Oh well, I can honestly say I wouldn't change it for the world!
Tuesday 10 March 2009
Butterflies...
I start my first placement tomorrow and I am so ridiculously scared. I keep feeling excited one minute then almost sick the next. What if I'm crap? What if I hurt someone? What if I'm not cut out for this? What if I don't understand anything? What if, what it, what if?
I guess I could worry myself sick over it but I'm trying really hard to keep a positive head, hell I've worked really hard to get this and now I have I'm scared of it! Someone slap me!
Anyway, it's a 13 hour shift, and I'm going to to try and get an early night tonight but I probably won't sleep as I'm so scared! I just wish my first week was over and I could be a bit more relaxed!
Sorry this is going to be a short post, I'm off shopping as I still haven't found any shoes that are comfy enough for all those hours I'll spend on my feet! I've been looking for ages but I guess that's what I get for having size 8 feet!
Anyhoo, I just noticed I have some followers, thanks guys! Hope it's not too boring reading this and feel free to leave a comment!
Better go and hit the shops! I'll let everyone know what happens when my first week is over, hopefully I'll not make a complete idiot of myself, but I'm making no promises!
P.S. I finally got my essay title sorted yay!
P.P.S. I got the all clear from MRSA, which is what I needed to work for the trust I'm working for, so I'm glad about that! Not all trusts do MRSA checks (I think they should though!) but as something like 1 in 4 people carry it with no problems, it's good to be checked and been clear!
P.P.P.S. Am thinking about doing a year in Australia once (if!) I qualify, sounds good and think I need to look into it very early on!
I guess I could worry myself sick over it but I'm trying really hard to keep a positive head, hell I've worked really hard to get this and now I have I'm scared of it! Someone slap me!
Anyway, it's a 13 hour shift, and I'm going to to try and get an early night tonight but I probably won't sleep as I'm so scared! I just wish my first week was over and I could be a bit more relaxed!
Sorry this is going to be a short post, I'm off shopping as I still haven't found any shoes that are comfy enough for all those hours I'll spend on my feet! I've been looking for ages but I guess that's what I get for having size 8 feet!
Anyhoo, I just noticed I have some followers, thanks guys! Hope it's not too boring reading this and feel free to leave a comment!
Better go and hit the shops! I'll let everyone know what happens when my first week is over, hopefully I'll not make a complete idiot of myself, but I'm making no promises!
P.S. I finally got my essay title sorted yay!
P.P.S. I got the all clear from MRSA, which is what I needed to work for the trust I'm working for, so I'm glad about that! Not all trusts do MRSA checks (I think they should though!) but as something like 1 in 4 people carry it with no problems, it's good to be checked and been clear!
P.P.P.S. Am thinking about doing a year in Australia once (if!) I qualify, sounds good and think I need to look into it very early on!
Thursday 26 February 2009
It's been a while!
I apologise for not blogging sooner! I've been busy but that's no excuse!
So what have I been up to? OK many many presentations, researching 'Evidence Based Practice' (a.k.a. bane of my life), doing lots of practicals which I really enjoy more than I thought as usually I'm too scared to get up and do stuff (!), lectures which are intertesting...lots!
This week I got my first Hep B jab as I couldn't get it til I got clearance from the occupational health people. It's ok going on a placement with just one dose so I'm not too worried about that. I've managed to ring up my mentor for my first placement and she sounds absolutely lovely so I'm really pleased about that!
We had a lecture last week about how we do 6 weeks of lectures then a week off then 6 weeks placement then a week off continuously so that students don't feel stressed or feel like leaving - at the time I thought 'I'll never feel like that' but seriously, the lecturer was right, this week I've just been having a bad one. I know for a fact I would never leave, I'm a little fighter and it's been such a dream to get a place, but, to be honest I've been feeling really worried about it all. Maybe it's only just hit me that I'm going to be a nurse with responsibilities eventually, and so many points made in lectures have made it look like they're trying to put us off...and I can see why it would some people, but I'd never leave or at least I hope not! I'm sorry if this makes no sense, I'm tired yet I can't sleep, cos I'm just worried about a lot of things.
On a more positive side I got my uniform today, but I felt a bit numb about it as, like I say I'm worrying about everything! Really kinda spoilt the experience for myself as I was looking forward to getting my uniform as I'd feel like a 'proper' nurse. Anyway I can just about get it on but I don't look good! Never mind!
I think I'll go now as I'm tired and need to be up early tomorrows seminar on injection technique! I really hope I'm feeling more positive in the moring, I'm going to force myself to smile more and hope that it makes me feel better!
So what have I been up to? OK many many presentations, researching 'Evidence Based Practice' (a.k.a. bane of my life), doing lots of practicals which I really enjoy more than I thought as usually I'm too scared to get up and do stuff (!), lectures which are intertesting...lots!
This week I got my first Hep B jab as I couldn't get it til I got clearance from the occupational health people. It's ok going on a placement with just one dose so I'm not too worried about that. I've managed to ring up my mentor for my first placement and she sounds absolutely lovely so I'm really pleased about that!
We had a lecture last week about how we do 6 weeks of lectures then a week off then 6 weeks placement then a week off continuously so that students don't feel stressed or feel like leaving - at the time I thought 'I'll never feel like that' but seriously, the lecturer was right, this week I've just been having a bad one. I know for a fact I would never leave, I'm a little fighter and it's been such a dream to get a place, but, to be honest I've been feeling really worried about it all. Maybe it's only just hit me that I'm going to be a nurse with responsibilities eventually, and so many points made in lectures have made it look like they're trying to put us off...and I can see why it would some people, but I'd never leave or at least I hope not! I'm sorry if this makes no sense, I'm tired yet I can't sleep, cos I'm just worried about a lot of things.
On a more positive side I got my uniform today, but I felt a bit numb about it as, like I say I'm worrying about everything! Really kinda spoilt the experience for myself as I was looking forward to getting my uniform as I'd feel like a 'proper' nurse. Anyway I can just about get it on but I don't look good! Never mind!
I think I'll go now as I'm tired and need to be up early tomorrows seminar on injection technique! I really hope I'm feeling more positive in the moring, I'm going to force myself to smile more and hope that it makes me feel better!
Tuesday 3 February 2009
Happy!
I'm feeling ultra happy today, I don't know whether it's because it's snowing like crazy and looks so pretty, or just whether I'm generally feeling pretty contented with life! Either way it's a nice feeling!
So what have I been up to? Loads! I've been so busy, if I'm not in lectures I'm reading as much as I can or writing up notes...it's never ending BUT I LOVE IT! I think my last blog was a bit moany, and I don't moan! I decided that instead of worrying about being so behind compared to everyone else, and instead of thinking I couldn't do this, I decided to kick myself up the backside and just put my all in to it! If then, after spending every spare minute I have studying, and I still feel behind, then I'll ask a tutor or someone in my group for a bit of help! I'm just going to think positively and hopefully it'll work!
Anyhoo, so far since I started a mere...3 weeks ago, I've learnt loads, from anatomy to child protection acts, from models of nursing to taking manual blood pressures (hard I tell you!) but I'm really enjoying it! I'm getting itchy feet a bit as I really want to go out on placement and see it all in practice! I think I'll learn so much more from doing it, or seeing it, than I ever will from just reading about it! I can't wait! I'm not even bothered about early starts and long hours, I want to enjoy every second of it! I still feel like I'm in a dream and someone will pinch me and tell me I'm not really going to be a nurse! I know I'm wishing my life away but I can't wait to become a fully qualified nurse and get my dream job working with neonates. Still, I'm sure the 2 years will fly by and I'll be missing my student days!
That's me done, I'm half way through writing up some child protection stuff, and whilst I know it's important to know this, it's really upsetting to read some of it, so I thought I'd let myself have a little break and make a blog!
Catch you later!
So what have I been up to? Loads! I've been so busy, if I'm not in lectures I'm reading as much as I can or writing up notes...it's never ending BUT I LOVE IT! I think my last blog was a bit moany, and I don't moan! I decided that instead of worrying about being so behind compared to everyone else, and instead of thinking I couldn't do this, I decided to kick myself up the backside and just put my all in to it! If then, after spending every spare minute I have studying, and I still feel behind, then I'll ask a tutor or someone in my group for a bit of help! I'm just going to think positively and hopefully it'll work!
Anyhoo, so far since I started a mere...3 weeks ago, I've learnt loads, from anatomy to child protection acts, from models of nursing to taking manual blood pressures (hard I tell you!) but I'm really enjoying it! I'm getting itchy feet a bit as I really want to go out on placement and see it all in practice! I think I'll learn so much more from doing it, or seeing it, than I ever will from just reading about it! I can't wait! I'm not even bothered about early starts and long hours, I want to enjoy every second of it! I still feel like I'm in a dream and someone will pinch me and tell me I'm not really going to be a nurse! I know I'm wishing my life away but I can't wait to become a fully qualified nurse and get my dream job working with neonates. Still, I'm sure the 2 years will fly by and I'll be missing my student days!
That's me done, I'm half way through writing up some child protection stuff, and whilst I know it's important to know this, it's really upsetting to read some of it, so I thought I'd let myself have a little break and make a blog!
Catch you later!
Thursday 22 January 2009
Keep on smiling...
I thought it was about time I made another blog entry! This might be a mammoth entry but oh well!
Right so, first things first, I should hopefully finally have clearance form occupational health, I won’t believe it til I see it in print mind! I had my second mantoux test on Monday and went back today, no reaction, so I was expecting to have to make an appointment to get a BCG, then of course the Hep B at the same time, but was surprised to find out I was having the BCG there and then! Actually it was probably best they did it that way, then I couldn’t worry about it! I was dreading it as people have said it really knacks, but to be honest, it didn’t hurt too bad, though I may be saying something else tomorrow morning!
Also this week I got my CRB back too, so that’s one thing less to worry about. I also sent off my bursary form as I finally got an appointment to open a student account, so it seems like its all go!
As for Uni itself, I really do love it, though I managed to get myself into a tizz and was nearly crying (mainly with frustration but more about that later!) on the way home today! We’ve been given assessment details, exam details (a FOUR HOUR exam!) and other things we need to read/learn/know…it’s only the first proper academic week and already I am feeling as stressed as I did during my finals (seriously!) it’s so fast paced, and whilst I knew it was going to be intense doing an accelerated course, I didn’t think it would be so hard! Which is where the frustration comes in. I’m getting myself all worked up because the things we’re learning, it seems like EVERYONE knows about but me! Honestly, I’m clearly the class dunce. I was up late last night trying to do this work booklet thing which we only got told about yesterday to have done by today (which coincidently nobody even asked about grrrr!) and its stuff I know I know, but I just can’t remember! It seems to long ago since I studied biology, but everyone else knows their stuff. Anyhoo I got up early this morning, I’m tired, I’m getting a crappy cold and am generally feeling sorry for myself (already!) The only thing that makes me happy is that I got my placement details and it sound fantastic, I literally can’t wait to go on that! It’s on a general surgical ward and I’m really excited! Maybe once I get hands on stuck in I’ll feel a bit better about the academic side of things, but til then I’ll just have to keep smiling!
Anyway I think I need a good sleep, so I’ll be off! Contrary to what I’ve just moaned about I really am so happy to be on this course and I love it so much, I just can’t wait to be a proper nurse! :o)
Right so, first things first, I should hopefully finally have clearance form occupational health, I won’t believe it til I see it in print mind! I had my second mantoux test on Monday and went back today, no reaction, so I was expecting to have to make an appointment to get a BCG, then of course the Hep B at the same time, but was surprised to find out I was having the BCG there and then! Actually it was probably best they did it that way, then I couldn’t worry about it! I was dreading it as people have said it really knacks, but to be honest, it didn’t hurt too bad, though I may be saying something else tomorrow morning!
Also this week I got my CRB back too, so that’s one thing less to worry about. I also sent off my bursary form as I finally got an appointment to open a student account, so it seems like its all go!
As for Uni itself, I really do love it, though I managed to get myself into a tizz and was nearly crying (mainly with frustration but more about that later!) on the way home today! We’ve been given assessment details, exam details (a FOUR HOUR exam!) and other things we need to read/learn/know…it’s only the first proper academic week and already I am feeling as stressed as I did during my finals (seriously!) it’s so fast paced, and whilst I knew it was going to be intense doing an accelerated course, I didn’t think it would be so hard! Which is where the frustration comes in. I’m getting myself all worked up because the things we’re learning, it seems like EVERYONE knows about but me! Honestly, I’m clearly the class dunce. I was up late last night trying to do this work booklet thing which we only got told about yesterday to have done by today (which coincidently nobody even asked about grrrr!) and its stuff I know I know, but I just can’t remember! It seems to long ago since I studied biology, but everyone else knows their stuff. Anyhoo I got up early this morning, I’m tired, I’m getting a crappy cold and am generally feeling sorry for myself (already!) The only thing that makes me happy is that I got my placement details and it sound fantastic, I literally can’t wait to go on that! It’s on a general surgical ward and I’m really excited! Maybe once I get hands on stuck in I’ll feel a bit better about the academic side of things, but til then I’ll just have to keep smiling!
Anyway I think I need a good sleep, so I’ll be off! Contrary to what I’ve just moaned about I really am so happy to be on this course and I love it so much, I just can’t wait to be a proper nurse! :o)
Wednesday 14 January 2009
It is without a doubt...
That THIS is what I want to do.
I love the course! I'm just so relieved/happy/glad that I've found what I want to do! The only thing I'm worried about is that I'm not clever enough to do it, or I'd make a crap nurse, but I'm going to try my best, that I do know!
OK so I'll do a quick sum up of things :o)
Day 1:
Manage to get on the metro in time to change trains then get there on time. I have no sense of direction so the fact that I did the 10 minute walk in the right direction impressed me, as I managed to find the right campus and the right building all on time!
Once I was there, I was given a name badge, info pack and a file with all my records in. I met the nine people in my group and they're all lovely! There is about 18 mental health students, 20 ish adult students and just us 9 doing childrens nursing. I like that, because we can really get to know eachother, so it's good! At Uni for my undergrad there were 150+ on my course so it was almost impossible to know everybody's names let alone get to know them! This class seems a lot more personal and it's nice and friendly.
Then we had a few people talk to us, all of them thoroughly lovely and made me feel really welcome! It's just a really friendly campus and Uni, and I can tell it's a great place to learn. There is all sorts of support if needed and it just feels so right.
Anyway, then we met out guidance tutors, mine is fab! My tutor group is just the nine of us doing childrens nursing. We had one of those ice breaker things when everyone says a bit about themselves. Then it was a campus tour, then home time! First day over!
Day 2:
I was kind of dreading this one - UNIFORM FITTING! Scary stuff when you're the size of a hippo. Anyway, I didn't sleep much the night before as I was so worried! That made me almost fall asleep all day but, it actually wasn't as bad as I thought! I was assuming (or had been told) we all stripped off and tried stuff on, but it was nowt like that! We just told the lady our sizes and she gave us uniforms to try on in the toilets! They're small fitting, and, as I'm tall, the trousers are really short and look crap, but I might get away with wearing my own!
After that we had an admin session which basically ensured all our paperwork was correct, then a lecture with other people such as those from the library, occ health, student services etc, just giving us general info; that was the end of day 2!
Day 3:
This was the start of 'real' work, we had a 2 and a half hour lecture/workshop introducing us to our individual courses. We looked at a case study which was really interesting and we have work to do on that. I felt a bit rubbish though as I felt to shy to say anything about it. I feel like everyone else on the course is either way more experienced/clever/know what they're doing, and I'm worried I'll say something really thick. I need to get over this but it's kinda like a fear that I'm going to make an idiot out of myself (easily done!) I don't know, maybe in a few weeks I'll feel more comfortable, we'll see.
Anyway, after an IT lesson, we had a welcome party which was really good! There was a free drink (but I was driving boo hoo!) and a live band and a buffet! Was really good! I'm not in again til Tuesday so I have a really nice long weekend! Mind you I have loads of Occ Health appointments to try and get health clearance! Honestly, I know it needs to be done but it's such a hassle!
Righto that is all for now, I'm really feeling tired! Lack of sleep I think!
Take Care xxx
I love the course! I'm just so relieved/happy/glad that I've found what I want to do! The only thing I'm worried about is that I'm not clever enough to do it, or I'd make a crap nurse, but I'm going to try my best, that I do know!
OK so I'll do a quick sum up of things :o)
Day 1:
Manage to get on the metro in time to change trains then get there on time. I have no sense of direction so the fact that I did the 10 minute walk in the right direction impressed me, as I managed to find the right campus and the right building all on time!
Once I was there, I was given a name badge, info pack and a file with all my records in. I met the nine people in my group and they're all lovely! There is about 18 mental health students, 20 ish adult students and just us 9 doing childrens nursing. I like that, because we can really get to know eachother, so it's good! At Uni for my undergrad there were 150+ on my course so it was almost impossible to know everybody's names let alone get to know them! This class seems a lot more personal and it's nice and friendly.
Then we had a few people talk to us, all of them thoroughly lovely and made me feel really welcome! It's just a really friendly campus and Uni, and I can tell it's a great place to learn. There is all sorts of support if needed and it just feels so right.
Anyway, then we met out guidance tutors, mine is fab! My tutor group is just the nine of us doing childrens nursing. We had one of those ice breaker things when everyone says a bit about themselves. Then it was a campus tour, then home time! First day over!
Day 2:
I was kind of dreading this one - UNIFORM FITTING! Scary stuff when you're the size of a hippo. Anyway, I didn't sleep much the night before as I was so worried! That made me almost fall asleep all day but, it actually wasn't as bad as I thought! I was assuming (or had been told) we all stripped off and tried stuff on, but it was nowt like that! We just told the lady our sizes and she gave us uniforms to try on in the toilets! They're small fitting, and, as I'm tall, the trousers are really short and look crap, but I might get away with wearing my own!
After that we had an admin session which basically ensured all our paperwork was correct, then a lecture with other people such as those from the library, occ health, student services etc, just giving us general info; that was the end of day 2!
Day 3:
This was the start of 'real' work, we had a 2 and a half hour lecture/workshop introducing us to our individual courses. We looked at a case study which was really interesting and we have work to do on that. I felt a bit rubbish though as I felt to shy to say anything about it. I feel like everyone else on the course is either way more experienced/clever/know what they're doing, and I'm worried I'll say something really thick. I need to get over this but it's kinda like a fear that I'm going to make an idiot out of myself (easily done!) I don't know, maybe in a few weeks I'll feel more comfortable, we'll see.
Anyway, after an IT lesson, we had a welcome party which was really good! There was a free drink (but I was driving boo hoo!) and a live band and a buffet! Was really good! I'm not in again til Tuesday so I have a really nice long weekend! Mind you I have loads of Occ Health appointments to try and get health clearance! Honestly, I know it needs to be done but it's such a hassle!
Righto that is all for now, I'm really feeling tired! Lack of sleep I think!
Take Care xxx
Thursday 8 January 2009
Not that much further forward but getting there!
So, after weeeeeeeks of waiting I finally got my Student Number through this morning! I can send off my bursary forms now, and hopefully get some sort of bursary soon, but til then I'm going to have to live off a giant over draft.
Not so further forward news - my Mantoux test wasn't positive, so I will probably need a BCG. I don't care for the injections, needles don't bother me BUT I just want to get stuck in! I start on Monday and I really wanted to start with a clean slate, with all vaccinations/bursary/everything else sorted! Sadly it's not to be. Never mind.
OMG 3 days to go!
Not so further forward news - my Mantoux test wasn't positive, so I will probably need a BCG. I don't care for the injections, needles don't bother me BUT I just want to get stuck in! I start on Monday and I really wanted to start with a clean slate, with all vaccinations/bursary/everything else sorted! Sadly it's not to be. Never mind.
OMG 3 days to go!
Monday 5 January 2009
Happy 2009!
This year is gonna be great!
Righto so a bit of an update. I rang up Uni this morning after trying all ways to get logged on, guy on the phone said put all the password in lower case (even though it said in the letter do put it in uppercase) and that worked, so, one less thing to worry about!
I had my Mantoux test today and I have to go back on Thursday for the results. If I have no reaction then I'll have another test and if still no reaction I'll get given a BCG. All this will be happening whilst I'm getting my Hep B jabs, so I asked if there would be an issue with them being done the same time and was told 'Don't worry pet, we'll just put one in each arm' Oh that made me laugh! I can almost picture me walking out the place with big gorilla arms, but that's probably just my warped imagination! Anyway, feeling a bit less worried about that.
Stillllll nothing from the bursary people so I'm going to have to phone up tomorrow and see if they have a number for me yet! Also I have no idea what time I start, where I'm supposed to be and what I need to bring and I start a week today! I'm still really excited!
I'd better be off now, I'm full of cold BUT glad it's here now as opposed to next week!
P.S. I forgot to say, I got a Minnie Mouse Nurse fob watch for Christmas! It was so cute I nearly cried cos I was thinking 'I'm really going to be a nurse!' It means so much to be doing this, which is probably quite sad, but I don't care! I'm going to be the best nurse I can be.
Righto so a bit of an update. I rang up Uni this morning after trying all ways to get logged on, guy on the phone said put all the password in lower case (even though it said in the letter do put it in uppercase) and that worked, so, one less thing to worry about!
I had my Mantoux test today and I have to go back on Thursday for the results. If I have no reaction then I'll have another test and if still no reaction I'll get given a BCG. All this will be happening whilst I'm getting my Hep B jabs, so I asked if there would be an issue with them being done the same time and was told 'Don't worry pet, we'll just put one in each arm' Oh that made me laugh! I can almost picture me walking out the place with big gorilla arms, but that's probably just my warped imagination! Anyway, feeling a bit less worried about that.
Stillllll nothing from the bursary people so I'm going to have to phone up tomorrow and see if they have a number for me yet! Also I have no idea what time I start, where I'm supposed to be and what I need to bring and I start a week today! I'm still really excited!
I'd better be off now, I'm full of cold BUT glad it's here now as opposed to next week!
P.S. I forgot to say, I got a Minnie Mouse Nurse fob watch for Christmas! It was so cute I nearly cried cos I was thinking 'I'm really going to be a nurse!' It means so much to be doing this, which is probably quite sad, but I don't care! I'm going to be the best nurse I can be.
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