OK so I think reality has hit home. As much as I LOVE placements, reality has come knocking and I need to be good at essays and exams.
For me, being a good nurse is NOT about writing essays, NOT about writing a critique about papers, and NOT about being good at exams.
Being a nurse is about seeing your patients and treating them well, noticing when they need medical assistance or simply need an ear and a word of care.
SO WHY AM I FORCED TO DO STUPID ESSAYS AND EXAMS?!
Seriously, I'm being forced in to being a research person. If I wanted to be a researcher I would apply to do a research course. It's so ridiculous.
I am trying SO hard to do research, like we've been told to do, when really, it feels so false. I want to be a nurse, not a researcher.
Everytime I try to do this work, I get annoyed and frustrated at my self and literally fight the urge to rip the papers in half. I would seriously, not be surprised at myself if I walked out during the exam. It's too much to ask for someone who wants to be a nurse, to sit there for FOUR hours, and critique a paper...I WANT TO BE A NURSE NOT A RESEARCHER. Why can't they get it.
It's times like these that I think, yes, I want to do a course which is less demanding, less stressful and although it takes me longer, I will become a nurse.
That's all I want, to be a nurse. What's so wrong with that?!
Sunday 25 October 2009
Saturday 17 October 2009
Just Gotta Make A Post!
Ahhh I just had to make a post because I'm so super excited and smiley and feel like I am so happy with things at the moment, I'm doing the right thing and I'm just relieved/happy/excited...ok that was a major use of the word 'happy' but it's too late to think of another word. Basically, I really feel like things are finally going right!
So, I finished my placement on Wednesday (I passed! WOO!) and I dunno what it was with the last couple of weeks, but I finally felt like things 'clicked' and I felt a bit more confident when I was there, and that was probably due to the fact that the nursing team was so fantastic, it would have been hard to NOT feel positive there! I wish so much that I had a couple more weeks there so I could have reached my full potential (unless I'd already reached it haha!) but you know when you get the feeling that maybe you could have done better? Maybe another 2 weeks would have made no difference, but I just really loved being there so much towards the end, that I could quite happily have stayed there forever! On my last day my mentor brought in cake, which was just the sweetest thing ever! My only regret is that I had a wobble at the start and I think it set me back a bit, but I'm getting there! Just loved it so much at the end! I don't want to go back to Uni!
As for other things, I'm nowhere near getting my essay done, nor revising as much for the exam, but I'm hoping that when I go back to Uni I will switch back to 'work mode' and get it done. I feel like I need a couple of days where I don't need to do anything, and can just chill out, so I plan to make the most of my last weekend of freedom til I'm back at Uni! Even if that does mean a weekend of X Factor, eating nice nibbles, and reading my chick lit book, I think it will do me the world of good and I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend spending time with my family and friends, which I feel like I've abandoned a bit these last few weeks!
What else was I going to say? OHHHH yeah! I got details of my new placement, and whilst I've no idea what the ward does (as it's not actually opened yet, hope it's openend by November!) it is in the hospital I have just been in, right next door to my most recent placement (which I loved...did I mention?!) and one of the things I get stressy about is driving to places, so the fact that it's in the same hospital, I know how to get there and can use public transport, which is less stressful...it's all good! I think it's a renal ward, which does interest me as I touched on it a bit in my last placement, so I'm so ridiculously excited! I just hope it doesn't get changed cos apparently they sometimes can. Hope it doesn't change, plus one of my friends on the course, and it's a VERY small child branch group, is on the same ward so I'm really really really happy about that! She's so lovely it'll be so nice to work with her!
Right I'd better go! I don't think I'll sleep as I'm so happy! You know when you get the feeling that you're really happy and satisfied with life? It rarely comes along so I'm going to enjoy it while I can :o)
Na-night!
So, I finished my placement on Wednesday (I passed! WOO!) and I dunno what it was with the last couple of weeks, but I finally felt like things 'clicked' and I felt a bit more confident when I was there, and that was probably due to the fact that the nursing team was so fantastic, it would have been hard to NOT feel positive there! I wish so much that I had a couple more weeks there so I could have reached my full potential (unless I'd already reached it haha!) but you know when you get the feeling that maybe you could have done better? Maybe another 2 weeks would have made no difference, but I just really loved being there so much towards the end, that I could quite happily have stayed there forever! On my last day my mentor brought in cake, which was just the sweetest thing ever! My only regret is that I had a wobble at the start and I think it set me back a bit, but I'm getting there! Just loved it so much at the end! I don't want to go back to Uni!
As for other things, I'm nowhere near getting my essay done, nor revising as much for the exam, but I'm hoping that when I go back to Uni I will switch back to 'work mode' and get it done. I feel like I need a couple of days where I don't need to do anything, and can just chill out, so I plan to make the most of my last weekend of freedom til I'm back at Uni! Even if that does mean a weekend of X Factor, eating nice nibbles, and reading my chick lit book, I think it will do me the world of good and I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend spending time with my family and friends, which I feel like I've abandoned a bit these last few weeks!
What else was I going to say? OHHHH yeah! I got details of my new placement, and whilst I've no idea what the ward does (as it's not actually opened yet, hope it's openend by November!) it is in the hospital I have just been in, right next door to my most recent placement (which I loved...did I mention?!) and one of the things I get stressy about is driving to places, so the fact that it's in the same hospital, I know how to get there and can use public transport, which is less stressful...it's all good! I think it's a renal ward, which does interest me as I touched on it a bit in my last placement, so I'm so ridiculously excited! I just hope it doesn't get changed cos apparently they sometimes can. Hope it doesn't change, plus one of my friends on the course, and it's a VERY small child branch group, is on the same ward so I'm really really really happy about that! She's so lovely it'll be so nice to work with her!
Right I'd better go! I don't think I'll sleep as I'm so happy! You know when you get the feeling that you're really happy and satisfied with life? It rarely comes along so I'm going to enjoy it while I can :o)
Na-night!
Tuesday 13 October 2009
Last day tomorrow...
...and I dooooon't waaannttt tooooo leeeaavveee!!! :o(
Also did my stint in oncology which was possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to do. BUT. I. DID. IT!
Anyway so yeah, don't want to leave and don't want to go back to Uni. Why can't placements be, like, 95% of the course, with as few lectures as possible?!
PS. Lets just hope I actually pass the placement, I always, always doubt that I have been good enough.
Also did my stint in oncology which was possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to do. BUT. I. DID. IT!
Anyway so yeah, don't want to leave and don't want to go back to Uni. Why can't placements be, like, 95% of the course, with as few lectures as possible?!
PS. Lets just hope I actually pass the placement, I always, always doubt that I have been good enough.
Sunday 11 October 2009
Mixed Feelings
It's my last week at placement this week and I have to say I'm getting mixed feelings about it all!
On one hand I'll be glad to finish, it wasn't the greatest placement but not because of the ward or the people but just cos of me, doubting myself and second guessing everything I did. On the other hand there is a really big part of me that will be sad to finish, all the staff are lovely and it's a difficult ward to get used to, and now that I'm beginning to feel as though I'm getting into the swing of things, I've got to leave! Actually I think I'll be a lot more sad than glad to finish :o( Ahh well, that's student life for you!
Thinking about it, I feel a bit like I can't let myself relax on this placement, and that is simply because I'm beginning to feel a bit stressed with the fact that I have SO much work to do, it's ridiculous. I've got an essay and an exam to revise for, all happening in the 3 weeks at Uni between this placement and the next one. I think I feel like I'm maybe seeing this placement as something I need to do and be over with, before I can really get stuck in to the work I need to do. That's not to say I haven't tried to do work, but, at the moment my priority is this placement, and so as a result I've been putting off doing work. It's hard to juggle time when you're at work 4 long days a week, and need to find a couple of days off in a row to get really into the work. I'm thinking (and hoping!) that once this placement is done, I will be able to really get on with the work I need to do. It's a bit like when you're at work and you're counting down to a holiday, whilst you're still enjoying work you want it to be over soon so you can go on holiday...if that makes sense? Only I'm not going on holiday, I'm going back to Uni, which sucks.
As for next week, I'm doing something either brave or ridicuously stupid. I asked to spend a day on an oncology ward, which is the area of nursing that upsets me most. I'd been thinking, and if I don't take a step towards hardening myself up against this kind of tihng, then I won't make a good nurse. I want to be able to look after all kids, including those with cancer, and if I get upset too easily, then I won't be giving the best possible care, so I'm hoping that this will help. Well that's my theory anyway.
I'll wrap this up, it's a short little post so makes a change from my usual blabbering rubbish! I've been doing long division all weekend, in a hopeless attempt to learn to do drug calculations, and I needed a break from numbers so I thought I'd make a blog post!
On one hand I'll be glad to finish, it wasn't the greatest placement but not because of the ward or the people but just cos of me, doubting myself and second guessing everything I did. On the other hand there is a really big part of me that will be sad to finish, all the staff are lovely and it's a difficult ward to get used to, and now that I'm beginning to feel as though I'm getting into the swing of things, I've got to leave! Actually I think I'll be a lot more sad than glad to finish :o( Ahh well, that's student life for you!
Thinking about it, I feel a bit like I can't let myself relax on this placement, and that is simply because I'm beginning to feel a bit stressed with the fact that I have SO much work to do, it's ridiculous. I've got an essay and an exam to revise for, all happening in the 3 weeks at Uni between this placement and the next one. I think I feel like I'm maybe seeing this placement as something I need to do and be over with, before I can really get stuck in to the work I need to do. That's not to say I haven't tried to do work, but, at the moment my priority is this placement, and so as a result I've been putting off doing work. It's hard to juggle time when you're at work 4 long days a week, and need to find a couple of days off in a row to get really into the work. I'm thinking (and hoping!) that once this placement is done, I will be able to really get on with the work I need to do. It's a bit like when you're at work and you're counting down to a holiday, whilst you're still enjoying work you want it to be over soon so you can go on holiday...if that makes sense? Only I'm not going on holiday, I'm going back to Uni, which sucks.
As for next week, I'm doing something either brave or ridicuously stupid. I asked to spend a day on an oncology ward, which is the area of nursing that upsets me most. I'd been thinking, and if I don't take a step towards hardening myself up against this kind of tihng, then I won't make a good nurse. I want to be able to look after all kids, including those with cancer, and if I get upset too easily, then I won't be giving the best possible care, so I'm hoping that this will help. Well that's my theory anyway.
I'll wrap this up, it's a short little post so makes a change from my usual blabbering rubbish! I've been doing long division all weekend, in a hopeless attempt to learn to do drug calculations, and I needed a break from numbers so I thought I'd make a blog post!
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