Wibble Wobble

I've been at work Saturday, Sunday, Monday day shifts, which are a lovely change from nights, but having been there since August, I'm feeling a bit of a wobble this weekend...hmmm let me try to explain a bit more...

On my ward there are generally 2-3 nurses on shift at any one time, usually 3 through the day and 2 through the night.  There are 8 full time nurses on the whole ward, used to be 9 but one has a new job, and so is leaving.  That leaves 8.  With 2 new starters in January yay! :D

So the Christmas off duty was done, I was working Christmas Day, which I expected.  However since the nurse that had a new job put in her notice, right before Christmas, which I can't blame her for (good on her -  everyone in her shoes would!) the off duty was changed, so now I am OFF Christmas Day, which I am over the moon about!  However I am first on call on Boxing Day, which means if any patient is admitted, whether on Christmas Day or Night, I will be first on call to look after them Boxing Day. 

I was ok with this until I was working a Saturday and Sunday in a row (when there are two nurses on the ward) and realised, that, if a patient got admitted for Boxing Day I'd be responsible to look after them.  Me.  On.  My.  Own.  Which freaked me out.  I literally think I was getting a panic attack when I realised.  I honestly don't think I am confident enough to manage a patient on my own, with no input or advice from other nurses milling the ward, which is stupid.  I know it's stupid.  But I really don't want to make a mistake, and I don't feel like I know enough to make an informed decision over treatments etc.  I know that's all down to experience and assertiveness.  Both of which I know I am crap at. 

So anyway, to just say I seriously love my job and my ward, I have had SO much fun lately, we've had a load of footballers in to visit, got some firemen (!) this week, and I love all the kids, I'm just having a wobble about the Christmas/New Year shifts.   Never thought I'd ever dread Christmas a little bit, as Christmas is my favourite time of year, but I'm kinda feeling really panicky about it all, which isn't a feeling I exactly like :S