That's only 15 shifts isn't it?
Then why is it dragging SO much? And why does it make me doubt it all? I had my tutor come on her visit on Monday, which was fine, my mentor was lovely and said I was doing ok, which is good I guess? But I so don't feel like I am, I feel way out of my depth. I feel like I shouldn't be doing this. I feel like I'm too stupid to be a nurse and more than that I feel like in my training it's too early to work in intensive care.
I've been thinking a lot about it all and am still really considering everything before I make an important decision about whether to leave or not. I don't know if it's just me, or other student nurses feel this, but, the only thing about placement is that you're so new and fresh and enthusiastic that you want to do well and will go on a shift with the intentions of being the best nurse that you can be. Thing is, or so I've found on this placement, you lose all your eagerness within about an hour and just mooch along like everyone else til it's home time, and I really HATE that. So it's very easy to come away feeling like you've just done nothing. It doedsn't help when someone on your course knows everyone on the ward, so you end up feeling like you'll let them down if you have a shit day. Extra pressure is not good. And if I'm totally honest I'm feeling like I'm cutting myself away from the people on my course, cos somehow I feel like I'm going to be leaving or failing anyway, so why not just distance myself now? This all feels horrible and keeps my awake at night trust me. We're all meant to be going on a holiday, and I've paid my bit, but to be honest I'm thinking of not going and just letting them have fun. They can keep the money, I just think they'll have more fun without me.
Talking of nights. I feel completely ok doing nights. I don't have a sleep during breaks on the ward (mainly due to my sleepwalking...which is becoming a regular occurance) but I really am ok with the whole no sleeping thing. Maybe when this all doesn't work out I'll get a job as a security guard or something, so I won't care about staying up all night?
Sorry for depressing blog, just, finding it all a bit much at the moment and don't know where to write it all down.
For an extra note before I go, I feel like I've been such a horrible person this last week or two. I've been so snappy with the people I love and I've taken out my frustration on them, and they don't deserve it. I feel this is an extra reason to quit the whole nursing thing. Take tonight for example, my Mam asked me something about facebook and whilst I'm dead proud that she's on facebook and that, I was so tired and stressed, I snapped and had a go at her, and she really didn't deserve it, I feel crap and deservedly so. Is nursing worth it? I don't think it is.
Friday, 19 March 2010
Monday, 8 March 2010
Maybe Time For An Update?
I guess it was about time for an update? I think I need to get these thoughts and feelings down, even if I am so tired. Apologies in advance (for anyone who reads this blog, which I think is...nobody!)
OK so placement. I've done my first week. Survived (just). I've kind of learnt stuff, but maybe not nursing stuff, more stuff about intensive care nurses I guess. And I think the most important part I've learnt is that I don't think I'd ever want to be an ICU nurse. Not unless I had a mortgage and that was the only job available...so I won't rule it out (!) but would rule out job satisfaction.
Don't get me wrong, they are lovely people. Friendly, funny, sweet, lovely people. But, if I'm allowed to say, they remind me of theatre staff a little - as in they see the patient as a 'body' and they need to do things to make the 'body' better. I think in ICU it's difficult to see the patient as a person. Today a nurse was doing handover and went in to all sorts of detail about the physical aspects of the conditions, but after she gave her speech, the person taking over asked 'Ok, and what was X like?' to which the nurse had nothing to say. Similar to when a patient is being worked on and their relative is in tears watching, yes, I know they might not have time in an emergency situation, but when it's just routine things, I think they should be explained. Instead I saw how upset they were and asked how they were, yeah, I got a lot of feelings and questions from them, some of which I, as a student, couldn't answer but explained who it was best for them to ask, but even getting them a seat and a glass of water was all I could do, but as least I acknowledged them I guess? Whatever, I think the crux of it is that I prefer my kids to be running around, being cheeky, laughing, giggling, having fun, even if they are ill. I like the banter and cheek of them and I miss the chatter so much more than I thought I would. Ohhhh I could so cry at the prospect of another 7 weeks of this.
Anyway off my high horse. I keep getting days when I'm happy and so glad to be doing this, then others when I'm low and wonder what made me think I could ever do this in the first place. I don't know, maybe in this intense placement it turns over quickly? For example, first day I hated and had to stop myself walking out so many times, seriously counting down the hours, second shift I woke up determined to give it my all and I did...BUT was really patrionised all day and left feeling worse, the next shift the day after I woke up feeling tired and achey and literally peeled myself out of bed...to have a day where I was pretty much left on my own (and had others around me) but coped and felt like, y'know, maybe just maybe I could be an ok nurse? That day we had something come to the ward, which I knew about from a previous placement, and it took all my courage to speak up and say I knew what to do....(SO HARD IN A PLACE OF REAL NURSES) but I said it, and they did it, and it worked...but it took a few times for them to listen to me...which of course ruined my confidence a bit, you know when you're saying stuff and nobody listens? But eventually I spoke up, so I should 'reflect' (haha) on being confident on the stuff I do know well(ish) cos I guess not everybody has the same placement, so not everyone knows the same information?
Anyhoo as a side note I think I might have found the area that I really want to get in to in the future (renal) which might sound boring but it's way more interesting than it sounds! Did you know that kidneys help regulate blood pressure?! Thought not :oP Hehe! But I'm really interested in that side of things, and if I'm honest, if I tell people I'm into 'renal' I get the reaction of, to put bluntly, 'you like piss?'...when really it's so much more than that! It's all fluid balance, weight, clearing the blood of toxins....sooooo much! It's pretty sad cos I keep wanting to read up on it! If I get my first choice for management then I will be SO HAPPY!!!
Better go now, it's late and I've spent both Saturday and Sunday working 13 hour shifts! Not as bad as it sounds but I feel like I've not seen anyone! Also my hands are red raw from washing them a million times a day, I am going to smother them and and my face (dry from the heating on the ward) in cream and sleep!
OK so placement. I've done my first week. Survived (just). I've kind of learnt stuff, but maybe not nursing stuff, more stuff about intensive care nurses I guess. And I think the most important part I've learnt is that I don't think I'd ever want to be an ICU nurse. Not unless I had a mortgage and that was the only job available...so I won't rule it out (!) but would rule out job satisfaction.
Don't get me wrong, they are lovely people. Friendly, funny, sweet, lovely people. But, if I'm allowed to say, they remind me of theatre staff a little - as in they see the patient as a 'body' and they need to do things to make the 'body' better. I think in ICU it's difficult to see the patient as a person. Today a nurse was doing handover and went in to all sorts of detail about the physical aspects of the conditions, but after she gave her speech, the person taking over asked 'Ok, and what was X like?' to which the nurse had nothing to say. Similar to when a patient is being worked on and their relative is in tears watching, yes, I know they might not have time in an emergency situation, but when it's just routine things, I think they should be explained. Instead I saw how upset they were and asked how they were, yeah, I got a lot of feelings and questions from them, some of which I, as a student, couldn't answer but explained who it was best for them to ask, but even getting them a seat and a glass of water was all I could do, but as least I acknowledged them I guess? Whatever, I think the crux of it is that I prefer my kids to be running around, being cheeky, laughing, giggling, having fun, even if they are ill. I like the banter and cheek of them and I miss the chatter so much more than I thought I would. Ohhhh I could so cry at the prospect of another 7 weeks of this.
Anyway off my high horse. I keep getting days when I'm happy and so glad to be doing this, then others when I'm low and wonder what made me think I could ever do this in the first place. I don't know, maybe in this intense placement it turns over quickly? For example, first day I hated and had to stop myself walking out so many times, seriously counting down the hours, second shift I woke up determined to give it my all and I did...BUT was really patrionised all day and left feeling worse, the next shift the day after I woke up feeling tired and achey and literally peeled myself out of bed...to have a day where I was pretty much left on my own (and had others around me) but coped and felt like, y'know, maybe just maybe I could be an ok nurse? That day we had something come to the ward, which I knew about from a previous placement, and it took all my courage to speak up and say I knew what to do....(SO HARD IN A PLACE OF REAL NURSES) but I said it, and they did it, and it worked...but it took a few times for them to listen to me...which of course ruined my confidence a bit, you know when you're saying stuff and nobody listens? But eventually I spoke up, so I should 'reflect' (haha) on being confident on the stuff I do know well(ish) cos I guess not everybody has the same placement, so not everyone knows the same information?
Anyhoo as a side note I think I might have found the area that I really want to get in to in the future (renal) which might sound boring but it's way more interesting than it sounds! Did you know that kidneys help regulate blood pressure?! Thought not :oP Hehe! But I'm really interested in that side of things, and if I'm honest, if I tell people I'm into 'renal' I get the reaction of, to put bluntly, 'you like piss?'...when really it's so much more than that! It's all fluid balance, weight, clearing the blood of toxins....sooooo much! It's pretty sad cos I keep wanting to read up on it! If I get my first choice for management then I will be SO HAPPY!!!
Better go now, it's late and I've spent both Saturday and Sunday working 13 hour shifts! Not as bad as it sounds but I feel like I've not seen anyone! Also my hands are red raw from washing them a million times a day, I am going to smother them and and my face (dry from the heating on the ward) in cream and sleep!
Thursday, 25 February 2010
FRUSTRATED
I can't think of any words that describe how I'm feeling right now, there are too many, annoyed, upset, disappointed, stressed, let down, worried, stupid, and of course frustrated!
FRUSTRATED that I did so much work, did so much preparation, then when it came to a final simulation, I just let myself down by doing so crap.
FRUSTRATED by the fact that still, after all these months, my confidence is at an all time low and I'm trying so hard, I'm just stupid.
FRUSTRATED that I need to tell people how I'm feeling, but can't do it. I talk to my friends a lot more than I used to, and they're fantastic. But I should tell the tutors at Uni when I'm struggling, but even given the opportunity, I just turn red and can't talk. Today I was fighting back the tears and I don't know why, I should just cry in front of everyone, other people do, why can't I?!
FRUSTRATED as I'm seriously considering giving up, no not giving up - taking a break from it all, but don't have the guts. I'd have to come back in to a whole new year group, making new friends and ideally going on a 3 year course instead, but I can't because I'm too stubborn to give in. But is it really worth making myself this unhappy because I'm too stubborn, and love the girls in my group? Are the people in my group really worth putting myself through this? I could make new friends, but I don't want to have to start all over again. And I really LOVE my girls.
And so it is a viscious circle and I'm getting myself all worked up, THEN get even more frustrated at myself because I PROMISED myself I wouldn't get myself in to a state. GRRRRRRR!!!!!
I just went for a nice long walk complete with headphones, to try and de-stress but it hasn't happened. HOW STUPID AM I?!
Start my Critical Care placement on Monday, and I think what I need to over this 3 day weekend, is have a long hard think about what I'm going to do with my life.
FRUSTRATED that I did so much work, did so much preparation, then when it came to a final simulation, I just let myself down by doing so crap.
FRUSTRATED by the fact that still, after all these months, my confidence is at an all time low and I'm trying so hard, I'm just stupid.
FRUSTRATED that I need to tell people how I'm feeling, but can't do it. I talk to my friends a lot more than I used to, and they're fantastic. But I should tell the tutors at Uni when I'm struggling, but even given the opportunity, I just turn red and can't talk. Today I was fighting back the tears and I don't know why, I should just cry in front of everyone, other people do, why can't I?!
FRUSTRATED as I'm seriously considering giving up, no not giving up - taking a break from it all, but don't have the guts. I'd have to come back in to a whole new year group, making new friends and ideally going on a 3 year course instead, but I can't because I'm too stubborn to give in. But is it really worth making myself this unhappy because I'm too stubborn, and love the girls in my group? Are the people in my group really worth putting myself through this? I could make new friends, but I don't want to have to start all over again. And I really LOVE my girls.
And so it is a viscious circle and I'm getting myself all worked up, THEN get even more frustrated at myself because I PROMISED myself I wouldn't get myself in to a state. GRRRRRRR!!!!!
I just went for a nice long walk complete with headphones, to try and de-stress but it hasn't happened. HOW STUPID AM I?!
Start my Critical Care placement on Monday, and I think what I need to over this 3 day weekend, is have a long hard think about what I'm going to do with my life.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
Today
Urrrgh......blurghhh...yukky
But survived. Did it. Not even that special really. But I'll explain later. Just a really really hard day.
Not a week of lessons to go then straight on to a Critical Care placement, not sure I can do this...?
As tired and stressed and sad as I am, I want to be a nurse MORE THAN ANYTHING, and difficult placements are a challenge, I guesss...so I will give my all. Doesn't stop me being scared though.
Plus when I'm stressed my sleep is so messed up, I have some funny tales to tell. Next time maybe.
For now, need sleep and of the good uninterrupted variety please
OKAAAAAY Minor update on the things I mentioned:
Stuff I survived:
We did a simulation, for the second time recorded. It was scary as normal, but me and a lovely friend in my group were first up recorded, and to be honest, we were ok! Well she was better than me, but I actually said stuff, and even if I do find it hard to pretend it's a real baby, we did good I think! (And that's hard to say I did ok there). Doesn't sound much but I came away feeling a kinda high, more as in 'I did it' than 'I did well' but it's a step in the right direction! Everyone else did so fantastic, so proud of them!
Second thing was a few lectures I was DREADING. So much so I nearly didn't go. One was 'Withdrawel of Treatment' which was so hard, I had to stop myself walking out about six times, and to be entirely honest, if we didn't have to sit in such stupid American style desks, where you had to lift the desk up to stand up in, therefore pushing more attention on yourself, I'd have walked out. I reckon that's why we have desks like that...to prevent people making a show of themselves by walking out mid-lecture.
The others were 'Palliative Care' and 'Breaking Bad News'.
First up 'Palliative Care' was so hard. I could only think of my friend's little girl through the entire lecture. It was so hard. But then this gorgeous girl in my class was talking about things that happened to her, and, to be honest, I've no reason to complain. They're an inspiration. I wish I could be even a tiny bit as strong.
Next 'Breaking Bad News' which I dreaded, not as much as the others, but, I was worried, as, I am stupid I let myself get worked up about it. On this lecture/workshop we had a lecture, then a practical (recorded) which I was so dreading, but you know what? We had fun! God I love those girls in my group! I know it's not anything to laugh about but we're just so comfortable with eachother now, it was fine! Don't know what I was worried about! I think we all did good, wasn't worth worrying about! We had a good giggle, whether it was nerves, doesn't matter. We did it :o)
Ahhhhh it's late, need to try and get SOME sleep tonight! Ohhhh yeah sleep, funny stories I promised....OK, so when I'm stressed I sleep walk/sleep talk/do things in my sleep. So far I've tried to run an IV drip in my sleep (therefore almost pulling my light off my wall...), I've tried to inject my wall, tried to set up a dialysis machine...with my radio alarm cable...those are the 'medical' things! I've also woken up to stacked toiley rolls on my bedroom floor (wtf?), a wide open bedroom window, which is directly under my bed (and so easy to climb out of, I've had my bedroom window locked and the key hidden...) I've woke up with my sock drawer wide open and the contents in my bed, as well as just general scary, sleep walkingness! I know it's due to 'stress' whatever that is, but it's a sure fire way to know I'm feeling the pressure, even if I don't consciously feel it!
But survived. Did it. Not even that special really. But I'll explain later. Just a really really hard day.
Not a week of lessons to go then straight on to a Critical Care placement, not sure I can do this...?
As tired and stressed and sad as I am, I want to be a nurse MORE THAN ANYTHING, and difficult placements are a challenge, I guesss...so I will give my all. Doesn't stop me being scared though.
Plus when I'm stressed my sleep is so messed up, I have some funny tales to tell. Next time maybe.
For now, need sleep and of the good uninterrupted variety please
OKAAAAAY Minor update on the things I mentioned:
Stuff I survived:
We did a simulation, for the second time recorded. It was scary as normal, but me and a lovely friend in my group were first up recorded, and to be honest, we were ok! Well she was better than me, but I actually said stuff, and even if I do find it hard to pretend it's a real baby, we did good I think! (And that's hard to say I did ok there). Doesn't sound much but I came away feeling a kinda high, more as in 'I did it' than 'I did well' but it's a step in the right direction! Everyone else did so fantastic, so proud of them!
Second thing was a few lectures I was DREADING. So much so I nearly didn't go. One was 'Withdrawel of Treatment' which was so hard, I had to stop myself walking out about six times, and to be entirely honest, if we didn't have to sit in such stupid American style desks, where you had to lift the desk up to stand up in, therefore pushing more attention on yourself, I'd have walked out. I reckon that's why we have desks like that...to prevent people making a show of themselves by walking out mid-lecture.
The others were 'Palliative Care' and 'Breaking Bad News'.
First up 'Palliative Care' was so hard. I could only think of my friend's little girl through the entire lecture. It was so hard. But then this gorgeous girl in my class was talking about things that happened to her, and, to be honest, I've no reason to complain. They're an inspiration. I wish I could be even a tiny bit as strong.
Next 'Breaking Bad News' which I dreaded, not as much as the others, but, I was worried, as, I am stupid I let myself get worked up about it. On this lecture/workshop we had a lecture, then a practical (recorded) which I was so dreading, but you know what? We had fun! God I love those girls in my group! I know it's not anything to laugh about but we're just so comfortable with eachother now, it was fine! Don't know what I was worried about! I think we all did good, wasn't worth worrying about! We had a good giggle, whether it was nerves, doesn't matter. We did it :o)
Ahhhhh it's late, need to try and get SOME sleep tonight! Ohhhh yeah sleep, funny stories I promised....OK, so when I'm stressed I sleep walk/sleep talk/do things in my sleep. So far I've tried to run an IV drip in my sleep (therefore almost pulling my light off my wall...), I've tried to inject my wall, tried to set up a dialysis machine...with my radio alarm cable...those are the 'medical' things! I've also woken up to stacked toiley rolls on my bedroom floor (wtf?), a wide open bedroom window, which is directly under my bed (and so easy to climb out of, I've had my bedroom window locked and the key hidden...) I've woke up with my sock drawer wide open and the contents in my bed, as well as just general scary, sleep walkingness! I know it's due to 'stress' whatever that is, but it's a sure fire way to know I'm feeling the pressure, even if I don't consciously feel it!
Wednesday, 3 February 2010
Like A Yo-Yo...
I seem to be up one minute, then really down, then feel up again...like a yo-yo, I think that's how you spell 'yo-yo' anyway!
Today was an OK day, I'm still not sleeping but this morning I was feeling even more knackered than usual, I had a lecture when the guy talked for two hours and, yeah, he's funny but I couldn't concentrate as well as I should be. Luckily we're in late tomorrow so I can *hopefully* have a bit of a lie in, if I can't fall asleep til a ridiculous time again!
It kind of got a bit better later on. We had this simulation thing this afternoon, which was filmed, and I didn't realise it was today as I'd have got myself even more worked up. I know it's daft and I know one of my new years resolutions was to chill out, and I am trying but sometimes I get myself worked up over stupid things. Anyway, we had to do it in pairs and the my friends were really really good (I was so proud!) But then there were a few of us not wanting to do it, I really didn't want to. For two reasons really, 1) Self Conscious and 2)I was worried if I watched it back and saw I was totally crap, I'd lose all of the little confidence I have, so I'd think I'm a crap nurse and leave...or something? It's just really difficult to pretend that this little sim baby/child is a real baby/child, so I can't really take it seriously. I know that sounds daft but it makes sense in my head. OK so anyway, I was absolutely hating to have to do it, but I thought of how much I want to be a nurse, how much I have pushed myself so far, and I'm NOT a quitter. I always said when I started my training that I'd never say 'no' to anything, from going to theatres, taking a BM, doing things that scared me, so I decided to give it a go! Granted I was absolute SHITE. I'm not even joking, I was crap, but at least I gave it a go, I saw that it wasn't as hideously terrifying as I thought and although I couldn't really make myself say that much, I'm chuffed that I even tried, I knew I'd be crap, but I know I'd be more annoyed and frustrated at myself for not even giving it a go. Doesn't sound much to be proud of I know, but I get way to stressed about stuff like this. Next time, yes I did say next time, I will push myself a bit further and hopefully feel a bit better. I can see the logic behind it being a good learing experience, but it's still really uncomfortable and horrible!
So anyway, feeling a tiny bit more positive about things, and realise that all my class and the staff at uni are fab and really supportive, so I'm even luckier to be doing my course at such a good place, maybe, just maybe, I can do this, and maybe that's the first time I've allowed myself to think that.
Now to make a dent in that massive pile of work I've been ignoring...
Today was an OK day, I'm still not sleeping but this morning I was feeling even more knackered than usual, I had a lecture when the guy talked for two hours and, yeah, he's funny but I couldn't concentrate as well as I should be. Luckily we're in late tomorrow so I can *hopefully* have a bit of a lie in, if I can't fall asleep til a ridiculous time again!
It kind of got a bit better later on. We had this simulation thing this afternoon, which was filmed, and I didn't realise it was today as I'd have got myself even more worked up. I know it's daft and I know one of my new years resolutions was to chill out, and I am trying but sometimes I get myself worked up over stupid things. Anyway, we had to do it in pairs and the my friends were really really good (I was so proud!) But then there were a few of us not wanting to do it, I really didn't want to. For two reasons really, 1) Self Conscious and 2)I was worried if I watched it back and saw I was totally crap, I'd lose all of the little confidence I have, so I'd think I'm a crap nurse and leave...or something? It's just really difficult to pretend that this little sim baby/child is a real baby/child, so I can't really take it seriously. I know that sounds daft but it makes sense in my head. OK so anyway, I was absolutely hating to have to do it, but I thought of how much I want to be a nurse, how much I have pushed myself so far, and I'm NOT a quitter. I always said when I started my training that I'd never say 'no' to anything, from going to theatres, taking a BM, doing things that scared me, so I decided to give it a go! Granted I was absolute SHITE. I'm not even joking, I was crap, but at least I gave it a go, I saw that it wasn't as hideously terrifying as I thought and although I couldn't really make myself say that much, I'm chuffed that I even tried, I knew I'd be crap, but I know I'd be more annoyed and frustrated at myself for not even giving it a go. Doesn't sound much to be proud of I know, but I get way to stressed about stuff like this. Next time, yes I did say next time, I will push myself a bit further and hopefully feel a bit better. I can see the logic behind it being a good learing experience, but it's still really uncomfortable and horrible!
So anyway, feeling a tiny bit more positive about things, and realise that all my class and the staff at uni are fab and really supportive, so I'm even luckier to be doing my course at such a good place, maybe, just maybe, I can do this, and maybe that's the first time I've allowed myself to think that.
Now to make a dent in that massive pile of work I've been ignoring...
Thursday, 28 January 2010
Too Soon
Ok so I've realised 2 years isn't enough time to train to be a nurse.
I thought that squashing 3 years in to 2 sounded like a really good idea when I applied. But, if I'm really honest, for me at least, it's nowhere near enough. The other people on my course are amazing and I really can genuinely see them being fantastic nurses when they finish this course. So it is a good course for those clever and experienced enough. It's just me.
Really don't know what to do and I'm so worried about things that I'm not sleeping, can't concentrate and am really struggling with everything. I want to be a nurse more than anything but I'm beginning to realise that I'm not good enough.
What do I do?
I thought that squashing 3 years in to 2 sounded like a really good idea when I applied. But, if I'm really honest, for me at least, it's nowhere near enough. The other people on my course are amazing and I really can genuinely see them being fantastic nurses when they finish this course. So it is a good course for those clever and experienced enough. It's just me.
Really don't know what to do and I'm so worried about things that I'm not sleeping, can't concentrate and am really struggling with everything. I want to be a nurse more than anything but I'm beginning to realise that I'm not good enough.
What do I do?
Thursday, 14 January 2010
Oh Deary Me!
I had my first day back at Uni yesterday and whilst it was absolutely lovely to see all my friends, and catch up with what their Christmas/New Year was like, after a couple of lectures I left feeling terrified!
Let me explain. It was pretty much drummed in to us yesterday that in two placements time we will be finished our training and that scares me SO much. We could fail the management placement which I knew, of course, but never really thought about, now I'm convinced I'm going to. I'm a bit scared cos as much as I love doing this, as a student, I enjoy not having the responsibility and to have to take it all on when/if I qualify, scares the life out of me. I'm thinking that maybe I should be a HCA or something similar, as I love the job, love the kids, love the work...am not loving the thought of such responsibility and it's scary. Maybe I should talk to my friends and see how they're feeling, they all just seem so...capable.
On a positive side I passed my assignment and so did my class, so I'm really proud of them all, and I got my next placement sorted and I am RIDICULOUSLY EXCITED about it! Maybe the other feelings will pass...I hope! Gotta keep smiling and stop worrying about stuff!
Let me explain. It was pretty much drummed in to us yesterday that in two placements time we will be finished our training and that scares me SO much. We could fail the management placement which I knew, of course, but never really thought about, now I'm convinced I'm going to. I'm a bit scared cos as much as I love doing this, as a student, I enjoy not having the responsibility and to have to take it all on when/if I qualify, scares the life out of me. I'm thinking that maybe I should be a HCA or something similar, as I love the job, love the kids, love the work...am not loving the thought of such responsibility and it's scary. Maybe I should talk to my friends and see how they're feeling, they all just seem so...capable.
On a positive side I passed my assignment and so did my class, so I'm really proud of them all, and I got my next placement sorted and I am RIDICULOUSLY EXCITED about it! Maybe the other feelings will pass...I hope! Gotta keep smiling and stop worrying about stuff!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
