Like A Yo-Yo...

I seem to be up one minute, then really down, then feel up again...like a yo-yo, I think that's how you spell 'yo-yo' anyway!

Today was an OK day, I'm still not sleeping but this morning I was feeling even more knackered than usual, I had a lecture when the guy talked for two hours and, yeah, he's funny but I couldn't concentrate as well as I should be. Luckily we're in late tomorrow so I can *hopefully* have a bit of a lie in, if I can't fall asleep til a ridiculous time again!

It kind of got a bit better later on. We had this simulation thing this afternoon, which was filmed, and I didn't realise it was today as I'd have got myself even more worked up. I know it's daft and I know one of my new years resolutions was to chill out, and I am trying but sometimes I get myself worked up over stupid things. Anyway, we had to do it in pairs and the my friends were really really good (I was so proud!) But then there were a few of us not wanting to do it, I really didn't want to. For two reasons really, 1) Self Conscious and 2)I was worried if I watched it back and saw I was totally crap, I'd lose all of the little confidence I have, so I'd think I'm a crap nurse and leave...or something? It's just really difficult to pretend that this little sim baby/child is a real baby/child, so I can't really take it seriously. I know that sounds daft but it makes sense in my head. OK so anyway, I was absolutely hating to have to do it, but I thought of how much I want to be a nurse, how much I have pushed myself so far, and I'm NOT a quitter. I always said when I started my training that I'd never say 'no' to anything, from going to theatres, taking a BM, doing things that scared me, so I decided to give it a go! Granted I was absolute SHITE. I'm not even joking, I was crap, but at least I gave it a go, I saw that it wasn't as hideously terrifying as I thought and although I couldn't really make myself say that much, I'm chuffed that I even tried, I knew I'd be crap, but I know I'd be more annoyed and frustrated at myself for not even giving it a go. Doesn't sound much to be proud of I know, but I get way to stressed about stuff like this. Next time, yes I did say next time, I will push myself a bit further and hopefully feel a bit better. I can see the logic behind it being a good learing experience, but it's still really uncomfortable and horrible!

So anyway, feeling a tiny bit more positive about things, and realise that all my class and the staff at uni are fab and really supportive, so I'm even luckier to be doing my course at such a good place, maybe, just maybe, I can do this, and maybe that's the first time I've allowed myself to think that.

Now to make a dent in that massive pile of work I've been ignoring...