Today

Urrrgh......blurghhh...yukky

But survived. Did it. Not even that special really. But I'll explain later. Just a really really hard day.

Not a week of lessons to go then straight on to a Critical Care placement, not sure I can do this...?

As tired and stressed and sad as I am, I want to be a nurse MORE THAN ANYTHING, and difficult placements are a challenge, I guesss...so I will give my all. Doesn't stop me being scared though.

Plus when I'm stressed my sleep is so messed up, I have some funny tales to tell. Next time maybe.

For now, need sleep and of the good uninterrupted variety please


OKAAAAAY Minor update on the things I mentioned:

Stuff I survived:

We did a simulation, for the second time recorded. It was scary as normal, but me and a lovely friend in my group were first up recorded, and to be honest, we were ok! Well she was better than me, but I actually said stuff, and even if I do find it hard to pretend it's a real baby, we did good I think! (And that's hard to say I did ok there). Doesn't sound much but I came away feeling a kinda high, more as in 'I did it' than 'I did well' but it's a step in the right direction! Everyone else did so fantastic, so proud of them!

Second thing was a few lectures I was DREADING. So much so I nearly didn't go. One was 'Withdrawel of Treatment' which was so hard, I had to stop myself walking out about six times, and to be entirely honest, if we didn't have to sit in such stupid American style desks, where you had to lift the desk up to stand up in, therefore pushing more attention on yourself, I'd have walked out. I reckon that's why we have desks like that...to prevent people making a show of themselves by walking out mid-lecture.

The others were 'Palliative Care' and 'Breaking Bad News'.

First up 'Palliative Care' was so hard. I could only think of my friend's little girl through the entire lecture. It was so hard. But then this gorgeous girl in my class was talking about things that happened to her, and, to be honest, I've no reason to complain. They're an inspiration. I wish I could be even a tiny bit as strong.

Next 'Breaking Bad News' which I dreaded, not as much as the others, but, I was worried, as, I am stupid I let myself get worked up about it. On this lecture/workshop we had a lecture, then a practical (recorded) which I was so dreading, but you know what? We had fun! God I love those girls in my group! I know it's not anything to laugh about but we're just so comfortable with eachother now, it was fine! Don't know what I was worried about! I think we all did good, wasn't worth worrying about! We had a good giggle, whether it was nerves, doesn't matter. We did it :o)

Ahhhhh it's late, need to try and get SOME sleep tonight! Ohhhh yeah sleep, funny stories I promised....OK, so when I'm stressed I sleep walk/sleep talk/do things in my sleep. So far I've tried to run an IV drip in my sleep (therefore almost pulling my light off my wall...), I've tried to inject my wall, tried to set up a dialysis machine...with my radio alarm cable...those are the 'medical' things! I've also woken up to stacked toiley rolls on my bedroom floor (wtf?), a wide open bedroom window, which is directly under my bed (and so easy to climb out of, I've had my bedroom window locked and the key hidden...) I've woke up with my sock drawer wide open and the contents in my bed, as well as just general scary, sleep walkingness! I know it's due to 'stress' whatever that is, but it's a sure fire way to know I'm feeling the pressure, even if I don't consciously feel it!