OK, so, apologies for the lack of blog! I’ve been ridiculously busy! I’m so stressed but more about that later.
I’m on my community placement at the moment, nearly almost half way though and whilst I wouldn’t say I hated it…it’s not ‘me’. I’m not sure whether it’s because I loved my first placement so much that maybe I went in thinking I wouldn’t really like it as much, or whether it’s just not what I expected? Firstly, my mentor is absolutely lovely, she’s fab and we got on really well and she totally knows her stuff. I just feel like I’m not doing what I want to do, and actually my comment just now about going into it thinking I wouldn’t like it isn’t true, I went in thinking I’d give it my best, and I am, but I’m not getting all that much satisfaction out of it, I don’t feel ‘hands on’ I feel like an observer and in the way all the time. I mean I play with the kids and stuff, but it’s just not the same, and the days are d-r-a-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-i-n-g so slowly.
I don’t know if it’s just me, or the placement, or the amount of work I need to do (and which I’m too thick to do), but I’m just feeling really overwhelmed by it all and don’t know what I should do. I’m just feeling like I’m going to be a really crap nurse, and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t cry. Ever. But feel it at the moment. Plus there are some other things I have on top of this that I’m just getting stressed at. It’s like I just want this placement to be over so I have one less thing to worry about. PLEASE make the next few weeks fly by!!!
Anyway, sorry if this isn’t my usual happy post but I needed somewhere to write all this down. And maybe I need a good sleep. I’m finding it really hard to sleep at the moment, still there are plenty of people worse off I should just shut up and stop complaining. I’m on a course where I can learn to do a job which I am going to LOVE and I’m just having a bumpy patch at the moment. It will all be worth while, I just need to smile!
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
Friday, 17 April 2009
End of placement, end of fun!
Last night I finished my first ever placement and I am feeling really sad! I loved it so much. LOVED IT!!! I realise that sounds pretty sad to love your job but I really did, and I’m not ashamed to admit it!
I wish I could write every little detail but it would take forever! I’ve learnt SO much. I thought I was learning stuff in the classroom at Uni, but honestly, in the placement I have learnt about 1000 times more and things you’ve read about really come together in practice. My mentor was absolutely fantastic, and I am so lucky for that. She was encouraging and helpful, explained everything and let me do more things than I was expecting!
Some parts have been so hard, such as when you get patients on the child protection list in, or when you have a kids with cancer, it’s so sad and I really do have to try not to think about things too much or I’d be a wreck! I think one thing I’ve learnt is that I am far more controlled with my emotions than I thought I’d be, and when I’m working with a family which have done something bad, I can still treat them like people, and hide what I may be feeling. I guess, or at least I hope, that’s part of being a good nurse.
Now for the best bits, and that has to be the kids! I couldn’t help getting attached to quite a few! I wanted to bring some of them home, and if I had a day off I’d wonder how they were getting on! The best bit is when you leave someone for the night, who is pretty ill and then you come in the morning and they’re bouncing around, it never ceases to amaze me! How resilient are kids, ey? I was worried before I went on placement that I’d be rubbish with children but I surprised myself by feeling completely at ease and really understanding them. It’s a relief really! Ohhhh I don’t want to go back to Uni, I want to stay on my ward forever! My mentor even said she’d give me a job there! Woo! How much I would love that! I have til January 2011 til I qualify and I know I’m wishing my life away but I want to be qualified now, have a proper job and still be loving it!
I think I’d better get going, or I’ll just turn into some super crazy hyper active loon! I’m just so so so so so happy! Hope everyone is fab, I see I’m gathering a canny few followers – thanks for your comment on the last blog Mandy I have only just noticed it! Hope Uni is going fab for you, not long to go til placement!
Much Love!
PS If you hadn’t already gathered I passed my placement! Woo hoo!!! :o)
I wish I could write every little detail but it would take forever! I’ve learnt SO much. I thought I was learning stuff in the classroom at Uni, but honestly, in the placement I have learnt about 1000 times more and things you’ve read about really come together in practice. My mentor was absolutely fantastic, and I am so lucky for that. She was encouraging and helpful, explained everything and let me do more things than I was expecting!
Some parts have been so hard, such as when you get patients on the child protection list in, or when you have a kids with cancer, it’s so sad and I really do have to try not to think about things too much or I’d be a wreck! I think one thing I’ve learnt is that I am far more controlled with my emotions than I thought I’d be, and when I’m working with a family which have done something bad, I can still treat them like people, and hide what I may be feeling. I guess, or at least I hope, that’s part of being a good nurse.
Now for the best bits, and that has to be the kids! I couldn’t help getting attached to quite a few! I wanted to bring some of them home, and if I had a day off I’d wonder how they were getting on! The best bit is when you leave someone for the night, who is pretty ill and then you come in the morning and they’re bouncing around, it never ceases to amaze me! How resilient are kids, ey? I was worried before I went on placement that I’d be rubbish with children but I surprised myself by feeling completely at ease and really understanding them. It’s a relief really! Ohhhh I don’t want to go back to Uni, I want to stay on my ward forever! My mentor even said she’d give me a job there! Woo! How much I would love that! I have til January 2011 til I qualify and I know I’m wishing my life away but I want to be qualified now, have a proper job and still be loving it!
I think I’d better get going, or I’ll just turn into some super crazy hyper active loon! I’m just so so so so so happy! Hope everyone is fab, I see I’m gathering a canny few followers – thanks for your comment on the last blog Mandy I have only just noticed it! Hope Uni is going fab for you, not long to go til placement!
Much Love!
PS If you hadn’t already gathered I passed my placement! Woo hoo!!! :o)
Saturday, 21 March 2009
Sad, but I love going in to work!
It's been a while since I last posted, but I've been so busy on my placement! I know it's sad, but I really love it. I look forward to going in to work, I wonder how patients and their families are when I'm not there, and I am enjoying it so much the time is flying! Seriously, I start at 7.30am but get there a bit earlier, and before I know it, I look at the clock and it's 11am, then I look again after dinner and it's 3pm then it's 6pm then it's home time at 8! I feel really really lucky that I've found something I loved and I'm not taking any of my opportunities for granted!
I know some people I've been talking to have said 'the novelty of early morning and long hours will wear off' but I'm not going to think so negatively! At this very moment I am loving it and I hope it will stay that way! Also, not only have I been on the wards I've also had some fantastic chances to experience others things! I went out for the day with a specialist nurse earlier on in the week, and today I was in theatre for the whole day!
First up the specialist nurse, she was lovely and I learnt so much. I think mostly it was how other health professionals can work together as a team, for one common aim, and that is to help a particular patient. It doesn't mean massive things they do, but each individual seperate thing can make the world of difference, and as they get to see their patients long term, I can see how it can be a veryt rewarding job. I'm not sure if it is something I would like to do, not once I qualify, but maybe later on after a few years on the wards. It's something to think about for sure.
Next is the theatres. I was in all day today and I loved it! I really thought I've be squeamish and worried about everything but I found myself getting really 'stuck in' quite literally! I was just expecting to be standing back and watching from a distance - which I did at first - but then they asked if I'd like to scrub in on the next operation so I could get nearer to the patient and see everything, then be the end of the day I was holding clamps and put in charge of suction, it was fantastic! I really enjoyed it and actually surprised myself as I wasn't put off by anything at all. It was really nice (although this sounds sick!) but it was nice to see all sorts of organs and body parts in the 'flesh' as it made them so much more real! I know that sounds daft but it really is the case! As for a career as a scrub nurse? I don't think it's really me to be honest. I mean don't get me wrong I really did get a lot from it, but I felt like the person underneath the covers, wasn't a 'person' more a 'body' and I much prefer the contact with patients on a ward, you see them as people, you get to know them, you can tell if they're not ok, you genuinely care for them, and I feel like I get a lot more from this kind of thing than from seeing them being operated on. That's certainly no disrespect for scrub nurses, nor surgeons, they all do an amazing job and they're very very clever people. I just feel it wouldn't suit 'me' and who I am.
Anyway, I'm going to have to finish there, I've been up since 5am and it's almost 1am the next day! I tell you, I appreciate my days off SO much more! I really make an effort to do things when I'm not in work, that said sometimes it's nice to chill out in the garden with a nice book (oh how I miss that!) especially as it's been so nice, sunny and warm here lately, apparently, I wouldn't know I've been stuck in a hospital with it being dark when I set off in the morning and dark when I get home! Oh well, I can honestly say I wouldn't change it for the world!
I know some people I've been talking to have said 'the novelty of early morning and long hours will wear off' but I'm not going to think so negatively! At this very moment I am loving it and I hope it will stay that way! Also, not only have I been on the wards I've also had some fantastic chances to experience others things! I went out for the day with a specialist nurse earlier on in the week, and today I was in theatre for the whole day!
First up the specialist nurse, she was lovely and I learnt so much. I think mostly it was how other health professionals can work together as a team, for one common aim, and that is to help a particular patient. It doesn't mean massive things they do, but each individual seperate thing can make the world of difference, and as they get to see their patients long term, I can see how it can be a veryt rewarding job. I'm not sure if it is something I would like to do, not once I qualify, but maybe later on after a few years on the wards. It's something to think about for sure.
Next is the theatres. I was in all day today and I loved it! I really thought I've be squeamish and worried about everything but I found myself getting really 'stuck in' quite literally! I was just expecting to be standing back and watching from a distance - which I did at first - but then they asked if I'd like to scrub in on the next operation so I could get nearer to the patient and see everything, then be the end of the day I was holding clamps and put in charge of suction, it was fantastic! I really enjoyed it and actually surprised myself as I wasn't put off by anything at all. It was really nice (although this sounds sick!) but it was nice to see all sorts of organs and body parts in the 'flesh' as it made them so much more real! I know that sounds daft but it really is the case! As for a career as a scrub nurse? I don't think it's really me to be honest. I mean don't get me wrong I really did get a lot from it, but I felt like the person underneath the covers, wasn't a 'person' more a 'body' and I much prefer the contact with patients on a ward, you see them as people, you get to know them, you can tell if they're not ok, you genuinely care for them, and I feel like I get a lot more from this kind of thing than from seeing them being operated on. That's certainly no disrespect for scrub nurses, nor surgeons, they all do an amazing job and they're very very clever people. I just feel it wouldn't suit 'me' and who I am.
Anyway, I'm going to have to finish there, I've been up since 5am and it's almost 1am the next day! I tell you, I appreciate my days off SO much more! I really make an effort to do things when I'm not in work, that said sometimes it's nice to chill out in the garden with a nice book (oh how I miss that!) especially as it's been so nice, sunny and warm here lately, apparently, I wouldn't know I've been stuck in a hospital with it being dark when I set off in the morning and dark when I get home! Oh well, I can honestly say I wouldn't change it for the world!
Tuesday, 10 March 2009
Butterflies...
I start my first placement tomorrow and I am so ridiculously scared. I keep feeling excited one minute then almost sick the next. What if I'm crap? What if I hurt someone? What if I'm not cut out for this? What if I don't understand anything? What if, what it, what if?
I guess I could worry myself sick over it but I'm trying really hard to keep a positive head, hell I've worked really hard to get this and now I have I'm scared of it! Someone slap me!
Anyway, it's a 13 hour shift, and I'm going to to try and get an early night tonight but I probably won't sleep as I'm so scared! I just wish my first week was over and I could be a bit more relaxed!
Sorry this is going to be a short post, I'm off shopping as I still haven't found any shoes that are comfy enough for all those hours I'll spend on my feet! I've been looking for ages but I guess that's what I get for having size 8 feet!
Anyhoo, I just noticed I have some followers, thanks guys! Hope it's not too boring reading this and feel free to leave a comment!
Better go and hit the shops! I'll let everyone know what happens when my first week is over, hopefully I'll not make a complete idiot of myself, but I'm making no promises!
P.S. I finally got my essay title sorted yay!
P.P.S. I got the all clear from MRSA, which is what I needed to work for the trust I'm working for, so I'm glad about that! Not all trusts do MRSA checks (I think they should though!) but as something like 1 in 4 people carry it with no problems, it's good to be checked and been clear!
P.P.P.S. Am thinking about doing a year in Australia once (if!) I qualify, sounds good and think I need to look into it very early on!
I guess I could worry myself sick over it but I'm trying really hard to keep a positive head, hell I've worked really hard to get this and now I have I'm scared of it! Someone slap me!
Anyway, it's a 13 hour shift, and I'm going to to try and get an early night tonight but I probably won't sleep as I'm so scared! I just wish my first week was over and I could be a bit more relaxed!
Sorry this is going to be a short post, I'm off shopping as I still haven't found any shoes that are comfy enough for all those hours I'll spend on my feet! I've been looking for ages but I guess that's what I get for having size 8 feet!
Anyhoo, I just noticed I have some followers, thanks guys! Hope it's not too boring reading this and feel free to leave a comment!
Better go and hit the shops! I'll let everyone know what happens when my first week is over, hopefully I'll not make a complete idiot of myself, but I'm making no promises!
P.S. I finally got my essay title sorted yay!
P.P.S. I got the all clear from MRSA, which is what I needed to work for the trust I'm working for, so I'm glad about that! Not all trusts do MRSA checks (I think they should though!) but as something like 1 in 4 people carry it with no problems, it's good to be checked and been clear!
P.P.P.S. Am thinking about doing a year in Australia once (if!) I qualify, sounds good and think I need to look into it very early on!
Thursday, 26 February 2009
It's been a while!
I apologise for not blogging sooner! I've been busy but that's no excuse!
So what have I been up to? OK many many presentations, researching 'Evidence Based Practice' (a.k.a. bane of my life), doing lots of practicals which I really enjoy more than I thought as usually I'm too scared to get up and do stuff (!), lectures which are intertesting...lots!
This week I got my first Hep B jab as I couldn't get it til I got clearance from the occupational health people. It's ok going on a placement with just one dose so I'm not too worried about that. I've managed to ring up my mentor for my first placement and she sounds absolutely lovely so I'm really pleased about that!
We had a lecture last week about how we do 6 weeks of lectures then a week off then 6 weeks placement then a week off continuously so that students don't feel stressed or feel like leaving - at the time I thought 'I'll never feel like that' but seriously, the lecturer was right, this week I've just been having a bad one. I know for a fact I would never leave, I'm a little fighter and it's been such a dream to get a place, but, to be honest I've been feeling really worried about it all. Maybe it's only just hit me that I'm going to be a nurse with responsibilities eventually, and so many points made in lectures have made it look like they're trying to put us off...and I can see why it would some people, but I'd never leave or at least I hope not! I'm sorry if this makes no sense, I'm tired yet I can't sleep, cos I'm just worried about a lot of things.
On a more positive side I got my uniform today, but I felt a bit numb about it as, like I say I'm worrying about everything! Really kinda spoilt the experience for myself as I was looking forward to getting my uniform as I'd feel like a 'proper' nurse. Anyway I can just about get it on but I don't look good! Never mind!
I think I'll go now as I'm tired and need to be up early tomorrows seminar on injection technique! I really hope I'm feeling more positive in the moring, I'm going to force myself to smile more and hope that it makes me feel better!
So what have I been up to? OK many many presentations, researching 'Evidence Based Practice' (a.k.a. bane of my life), doing lots of practicals which I really enjoy more than I thought as usually I'm too scared to get up and do stuff (!), lectures which are intertesting...lots!
This week I got my first Hep B jab as I couldn't get it til I got clearance from the occupational health people. It's ok going on a placement with just one dose so I'm not too worried about that. I've managed to ring up my mentor for my first placement and she sounds absolutely lovely so I'm really pleased about that!
We had a lecture last week about how we do 6 weeks of lectures then a week off then 6 weeks placement then a week off continuously so that students don't feel stressed or feel like leaving - at the time I thought 'I'll never feel like that' but seriously, the lecturer was right, this week I've just been having a bad one. I know for a fact I would never leave, I'm a little fighter and it's been such a dream to get a place, but, to be honest I've been feeling really worried about it all. Maybe it's only just hit me that I'm going to be a nurse with responsibilities eventually, and so many points made in lectures have made it look like they're trying to put us off...and I can see why it would some people, but I'd never leave or at least I hope not! I'm sorry if this makes no sense, I'm tired yet I can't sleep, cos I'm just worried about a lot of things.
On a more positive side I got my uniform today, but I felt a bit numb about it as, like I say I'm worrying about everything! Really kinda spoilt the experience for myself as I was looking forward to getting my uniform as I'd feel like a 'proper' nurse. Anyway I can just about get it on but I don't look good! Never mind!
I think I'll go now as I'm tired and need to be up early tomorrows seminar on injection technique! I really hope I'm feeling more positive in the moring, I'm going to force myself to smile more and hope that it makes me feel better!
Tuesday, 3 February 2009
Happy!
I'm feeling ultra happy today, I don't know whether it's because it's snowing like crazy and looks so pretty, or just whether I'm generally feeling pretty contented with life! Either way it's a nice feeling!
So what have I been up to? Loads! I've been so busy, if I'm not in lectures I'm reading as much as I can or writing up notes...it's never ending BUT I LOVE IT! I think my last blog was a bit moany, and I don't moan! I decided that instead of worrying about being so behind compared to everyone else, and instead of thinking I couldn't do this, I decided to kick myself up the backside and just put my all in to it! If then, after spending every spare minute I have studying, and I still feel behind, then I'll ask a tutor or someone in my group for a bit of help! I'm just going to think positively and hopefully it'll work!
Anyhoo, so far since I started a mere...3 weeks ago, I've learnt loads, from anatomy to child protection acts, from models of nursing to taking manual blood pressures (hard I tell you!) but I'm really enjoying it! I'm getting itchy feet a bit as I really want to go out on placement and see it all in practice! I think I'll learn so much more from doing it, or seeing it, than I ever will from just reading about it! I can't wait! I'm not even bothered about early starts and long hours, I want to enjoy every second of it! I still feel like I'm in a dream and someone will pinch me and tell me I'm not really going to be a nurse! I know I'm wishing my life away but I can't wait to become a fully qualified nurse and get my dream job working with neonates. Still, I'm sure the 2 years will fly by and I'll be missing my student days!
That's me done, I'm half way through writing up some child protection stuff, and whilst I know it's important to know this, it's really upsetting to read some of it, so I thought I'd let myself have a little break and make a blog!
Catch you later!
So what have I been up to? Loads! I've been so busy, if I'm not in lectures I'm reading as much as I can or writing up notes...it's never ending BUT I LOVE IT! I think my last blog was a bit moany, and I don't moan! I decided that instead of worrying about being so behind compared to everyone else, and instead of thinking I couldn't do this, I decided to kick myself up the backside and just put my all in to it! If then, after spending every spare minute I have studying, and I still feel behind, then I'll ask a tutor or someone in my group for a bit of help! I'm just going to think positively and hopefully it'll work!
Anyhoo, so far since I started a mere...3 weeks ago, I've learnt loads, from anatomy to child protection acts, from models of nursing to taking manual blood pressures (hard I tell you!) but I'm really enjoying it! I'm getting itchy feet a bit as I really want to go out on placement and see it all in practice! I think I'll learn so much more from doing it, or seeing it, than I ever will from just reading about it! I can't wait! I'm not even bothered about early starts and long hours, I want to enjoy every second of it! I still feel like I'm in a dream and someone will pinch me and tell me I'm not really going to be a nurse! I know I'm wishing my life away but I can't wait to become a fully qualified nurse and get my dream job working with neonates. Still, I'm sure the 2 years will fly by and I'll be missing my student days!
That's me done, I'm half way through writing up some child protection stuff, and whilst I know it's important to know this, it's really upsetting to read some of it, so I thought I'd let myself have a little break and make a blog!
Catch you later!
Thursday, 22 January 2009
Keep on smiling...
I thought it was about time I made another blog entry! This might be a mammoth entry but oh well!
Right so, first things first, I should hopefully finally have clearance form occupational health, I won’t believe it til I see it in print mind! I had my second mantoux test on Monday and went back today, no reaction, so I was expecting to have to make an appointment to get a BCG, then of course the Hep B at the same time, but was surprised to find out I was having the BCG there and then! Actually it was probably best they did it that way, then I couldn’t worry about it! I was dreading it as people have said it really knacks, but to be honest, it didn’t hurt too bad, though I may be saying something else tomorrow morning!
Also this week I got my CRB back too, so that’s one thing less to worry about. I also sent off my bursary form as I finally got an appointment to open a student account, so it seems like its all go!
As for Uni itself, I really do love it, though I managed to get myself into a tizz and was nearly crying (mainly with frustration but more about that later!) on the way home today! We’ve been given assessment details, exam details (a FOUR HOUR exam!) and other things we need to read/learn/know…it’s only the first proper academic week and already I am feeling as stressed as I did during my finals (seriously!) it’s so fast paced, and whilst I knew it was going to be intense doing an accelerated course, I didn’t think it would be so hard! Which is where the frustration comes in. I’m getting myself all worked up because the things we’re learning, it seems like EVERYONE knows about but me! Honestly, I’m clearly the class dunce. I was up late last night trying to do this work booklet thing which we only got told about yesterday to have done by today (which coincidently nobody even asked about grrrr!) and its stuff I know I know, but I just can’t remember! It seems to long ago since I studied biology, but everyone else knows their stuff. Anyhoo I got up early this morning, I’m tired, I’m getting a crappy cold and am generally feeling sorry for myself (already!) The only thing that makes me happy is that I got my placement details and it sound fantastic, I literally can’t wait to go on that! It’s on a general surgical ward and I’m really excited! Maybe once I get hands on stuck in I’ll feel a bit better about the academic side of things, but til then I’ll just have to keep smiling!
Anyway I think I need a good sleep, so I’ll be off! Contrary to what I’ve just moaned about I really am so happy to be on this course and I love it so much, I just can’t wait to be a proper nurse! :o)
Right so, first things first, I should hopefully finally have clearance form occupational health, I won’t believe it til I see it in print mind! I had my second mantoux test on Monday and went back today, no reaction, so I was expecting to have to make an appointment to get a BCG, then of course the Hep B at the same time, but was surprised to find out I was having the BCG there and then! Actually it was probably best they did it that way, then I couldn’t worry about it! I was dreading it as people have said it really knacks, but to be honest, it didn’t hurt too bad, though I may be saying something else tomorrow morning!
Also this week I got my CRB back too, so that’s one thing less to worry about. I also sent off my bursary form as I finally got an appointment to open a student account, so it seems like its all go!
As for Uni itself, I really do love it, though I managed to get myself into a tizz and was nearly crying (mainly with frustration but more about that later!) on the way home today! We’ve been given assessment details, exam details (a FOUR HOUR exam!) and other things we need to read/learn/know…it’s only the first proper academic week and already I am feeling as stressed as I did during my finals (seriously!) it’s so fast paced, and whilst I knew it was going to be intense doing an accelerated course, I didn’t think it would be so hard! Which is where the frustration comes in. I’m getting myself all worked up because the things we’re learning, it seems like EVERYONE knows about but me! Honestly, I’m clearly the class dunce. I was up late last night trying to do this work booklet thing which we only got told about yesterday to have done by today (which coincidently nobody even asked about grrrr!) and its stuff I know I know, but I just can’t remember! It seems to long ago since I studied biology, but everyone else knows their stuff. Anyhoo I got up early this morning, I’m tired, I’m getting a crappy cold and am generally feeling sorry for myself (already!) The only thing that makes me happy is that I got my placement details and it sound fantastic, I literally can’t wait to go on that! It’s on a general surgical ward and I’m really excited! Maybe once I get hands on stuck in I’ll feel a bit better about the academic side of things, but til then I’ll just have to keep smiling!
Anyway I think I need a good sleep, so I’ll be off! Contrary to what I’ve just moaned about I really am so happy to be on this course and I love it so much, I just can’t wait to be a proper nurse! :o)
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