Feelings

Hmmm I don't normally feel this crappy, but, today I do. Well actually today and the day before, where I just wanted to stay in bed. It's nowhere near depression or anything like that, I find that if I make myself do something then I don't feel so crap. It's just the actual making myself doing something, or even just getting dressed. Also I'm being really snappy to the people I love, and whilst I know I'm doing it, I can stop myself normally, but I still think snappy things then I feel bad for just thinking bitchy thoughts, even if I don't say them out loud. Hmmm.

Anyway, no nursing job is REALLY getting to me. I can't go on the Nurse Bank as I haven't completed preceptorship and I can't complete preceptorship cos I haven't got a job. Can't get a nursing job near home cos there are none available. Can't get one away from home cos though I apply, I don't hear; and can't get a non-nursey job near home cos I apply for loads and all I get is 'over qualified'. IT SUCKS. Like, seriously. Temp admin jobs don't want me. Temp sales assistant jobs don't want me. Temp care jobs don't want me. Probably cos they see I'm a qualified nurse and know once I get that nurse job I'll be away. I feel like the world is against me, I am so fed up. Kinda want to crawl away in my bed until someone gives me a job. Also a lot of the friends that I'm always there for, no matter what, are not there for me, so whilst I feel completely alone sometimes, at least I know who my real friends are, and the rest can quite frankly, fuck off.

Ok so I know it sounds like I'm in an absolutely foul mood, which to be honest I probably am, at least if I get it all down on here it'll be out of my head and so lessen the chances that I actually take it out on someone I love, see there is a positive to blogging!

I guess I feel let down, for want of a better phrase. Let down that at uni we'd been led to believe there would always be jobs there. I mean who would expect there to be a lack of nursing jobs? They're always crying out loud for nurses! As it stands I feel so unprepared from Uni. I feel at the moment, on giving up the nursing thing. In my heart I can't ever give up, but right now, for my sanity of finding a job to apply for, applying, putting myself through interviews (I research so much and my nerves are cut to shreds) all to be given a 'no'...I can't do it anymore. Some people get the first job they've applied for and the first interview they've done. One on my coursemates applied for first job they liked, had one interview and got the job, accepted job, applied for another, got interview, got offered it...they've never felt rejection. Whilst that's good for them, and I really mean it when I say I'm happy for them, they don't know how it feels to keep being rejected. It really sucks, it makes you question everything and when you have little confidence as it it, you just feel shit.

Also like I always think 'there are worse people off' and there really are. I have nothing to whinge about compared to some. I have a few things that make me smile, I'll share them here in case any other person in my situation feels as rubbish:

http://www.givesmehope.com/ (as title suggests)

http://immd.icanhascheezburger.com/ (little things make your day)

http://www.fmylife.com/ (always someone worse off...)

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/ (ditto to above!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0 (Happy People)

http://www.e4.com/video/KjfGlwfQg5rucsqKTdoseA/play.e4 (Just...yeah my sense of humour)

As well as Glee, cheesy music, pyjamas and good books, of which I've got through many since January.

All in all a strange blog entry but I feel better for getting my thoughts and feelings down. Though at the moment I've lost hope with nursing and am applying for anything, I'm hoping one day soon the nursing magic will return and I'll feel more optimistic.