I've just looked at my last blog post and I sounded so happy. Strange how time can change things, when it's only been...weeks?
OK start from the beginning I guess...and this is going to be a LONG blog I think.
Right so as of last blog I was all happy and excited and smiley and loving it. Well...things have changed a bit since then. First off my tutor came to visit and whilst I thought I was going ok, even actually maybe...well? Turns out I'm not and I'm so so so upset about it.
I think the main reason I'm upset it because I don't think the things my mentor said were completely fair. In my Uni we get given a 'traffic light system' GREEN if you're doing ok, AMBER if you need to be given an action plan and contact the practice placements facilitator and a RED if you're majorly failing. I've always managed a green but this time I was nearly given an amber, which I was surprised about as I'd already discussed things. There were 2 reasons for it almost being an amber, 1) I'm too quiet 2) Time Management. First off to forget number 2, I'm always in early, I don't skive, always keep myself busy and offer to do tasks for other nurses when (if!) I find myself going through a quiet half hour on the ward. So I really don't agree with that at all. Whilst I was first upset with it, I'm actually more annoyed with it, due to my mentors 'time management' themself...
Anyway, number 1, ok I can see that I do sometimes need to be more assertive, but to be fair we were talking about 'delegating tasks' to other members of the nursing teams, including sisters, staff nurses and HCA's...I can understand whole heartedly if I was doing this on my 'management' days which I've booked in, but other than that am I really expected to tell others what to do as a STUDENT NURSE?! I mean really. Words fail me. I'm not a noisy bossy person to start with, and you know what, I'm not willing to change for anyone. If I get failed for being 'too quiet' then I will fail knowing that I have been true to myself. Whilst I hope so much I'm not failed, I can't change my personality and ME to get some competencies signed off. That shouldn't be what this placement is about and I feel like I'm going to have this hanging over me til Christmas when I finish and this makes me feel so bad.
I think, if I can speak frankly about things, the stupid little ridiculous things like this are making me fall out of love with nursing. They really are and it makes me so sad. I find myself thinking that a 9-5 job in an office/shop/whatever would be so much better. Maybe, just maybe, I'm not cut out for it. Maybe I'm just not good enough?
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Sorry to hear that. i could of written the exact same post 2 months ago as I had the same things said about me in my management placement and was told i was failing with 6 weeks to go, however i've just passed my management placement by turning things about just by being more assertive and making sure i at least delegate 1 or 2 task a shift and by just making an effort to talk to everyone. You'll be fine i'm sure just keep working hard on your weak points and ask for feedback at the end of every shift. If you need any advice, support or questions answer pm me on student nurse on vickylizzy :)
ReplyDeletehow are you getting on?
ReplyDeleteI'm ok thanks, just about to make a blog x
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU so much Vicky Lizzy for the post, you're fantastic :o) xxx